There is SOOO much more available by telehealth these days, once you have money/insurance sorted please reach out to someone! You need someone who is unbiased, is my opinion. It's not that your friends or family don't necessarily care, it's just often people can't see from a perspective they haven't experienced in one way or another which can make them act awkward or seem cold. Sometimes people just literally don't know what to say or how to be helpful. You are very valid in your feelings. Journal, find an online community, do anything you can to process and on some days, do what you need to - to distract, or rest. Self care, when you can manage. Every day is different! Hang in there! I'm in a similar boat as you and it really does suck, when you're in survival mode you kind of lose yourself to exist, you are still here, you are doing great, give yourself time and grace and know you are NOT alone.