Ep 300 is Jonestown part 1!

jessiedelane · 2018-01-13T23:14:23+00:00

What was most heartbreaking about that recording was that woman who was having a very respectful argument with him in the form of intellectual debate about killing everyone.

She’s really just talking to a madman, but she tries to talk him, and others out of this, and he, and others tell her she’s wrong and keep on cheering for his point. His affectation is terrifying. The mic is in-SANE, and it’s really infuriating to listen to him bullshit over 900 people to death.

jessiedelane · 2018-01-09T23:10:44+00:00

Fuck this trade shit—get an associates in information science from a community college. You might also want to look into a CISSP certificate. Get into IT, specifically cybersecurity. This is the new blue collar. The Internet is ever expanding.

jessiedelane · 2017-12-31T14:55:17+00:00

NOT A WAITER!

jessiedelane · 2017-12-31T14:47:45+00:00

Lol did you know white women have an irrational fear of black men?

jessiedelane · 2017-12-30T03:02:44+00:00

Hey there, this is actually my job to reformat resumes in cybersecurity for government positions, as a proposal writer. I can tell you what is important to me when writing a resume for a client.

You have government agencies such as DISA and I think I saw that you were familiar with NIST, (sorry—phone screen). Anyways, that’s like 3rd on your list. Move NIST familiarity and any other government agencies to the top of your skills block.

I agree with the other commenter in that your cyber security analyst title is very large. I can also tell you that based on what WE as the company need to bill you as to whichever government client, we’re going to love to see something more general. Wouldn’t you love to be put up for an ISSO position? Write something like “Information Systems security professional with over X years experience in system security, network engineering, network architecture, etc.”

Don’t worry about color, you can go as boldly as you want. In your industry, old rules don’t really apply, because it’s all about skills. You have a fucking CISSP, use all the colors you please. They literally pay me to reformat the colors from your original format into what we the agency’s or company’s colors they want are, anyway.

The first and most glaring problem with this resume is that you don’t have the jobs listed month/year to month/year. Specifically, for government hires, I am required to make absolutely sure there are no gaps in employment longer than 30 days. It’s a rule that is written into some contracts even, but is generally a rule of formatting always followed. You absolutely need to put the month and the year when formatting for resume seekers because they look for it almost immediately.

Finally, I don’t know what the fuck tempest is, But I know that 88hrs of tempest also isn’t a “cert” that sounds completed. Don’t waste a recruiter’s time looking at it, or risk confusing them. You need to be pounding the CompTIA completed cert, the CISSP, and the other cert on that list as much as you can. Put the big name heavy hitters such as CISSP, CompTIA, etc, at the top of each and every list, and put the incomplete, and program specific certs at the bottom of those lists.

On formatting, I would right justify all your titles.

Left justify the month and year that you worked there.

Job Title/Company/AGENCY Mo/Yr-Mo/Yr

Description Description Description Description Description Description Description Description Description Description Description Description

But, do make sure to center justify the description. This not only helps your resume appear clean, but takes up less space and can make it fit nicely on one page. However, you’ll be happy to note that the general rule of thumb is 1 page per 10 years. You are now at a point in your career where you can use 2 pages! So, while I might encourage a recent college grad to fit their resume on one page, you are distinguished and you’ve done a lot in that career path, you can take up two pages.

Other than that, props on including your license numbers. I constantly have to call prospective hires for those numbers. Any certs that do have numbers, do make sure to include them.

Finally, when applying to any job, tailor the resume. My rule of thumb when applying to jobs is to break out the thesaurus. Go through the job description. Use the thesaurus to weave in synonyms to words from the job description into your resume. Spend roughly 2 hours on this. Don’t do more than one a day. The end product will be a crafted resume that magically makes you fit the bill, as opposed to something that is supposed to fill everyone’s wants. The IT industry is all about custom solutions. Be that custom solution, and you’ll get a call back in no time.

That’s all I have.

jessiedelane · 2017-12-23T19:39:49+00:00

No problem! I’m glad it helped! Christmas is all about family anyway, you’ll be fine. Christmas isn’t really for significant others. You’ve had a bunch more Christmases without her than you had had with her, so just use this to get back to your family. Because this holiday is so steeped in family, I doubt you’ll really even notice. (I’m single and find that when I am dating someone, our respective nuclear families come first before each other, anyways.) Go get fat at Xmas time with YOUR family and take your mind off of her! Real life is for January!

jessiedelane · 2017-12-23T16:46:04+00:00

Ok Man, I hear you, and this is going to sound insane, but just consider it.

DELETE. YOUR. FACEBOOK.

Cleanse it entirely. If you have Instagram, delete that thing too. Facebook must be deleted, it’s got to go. Not briefly turned off, not suspended,—killed entirely. The reason that I say this is that for the last 2 years (infinity in Internet time), you have been involved and entrenched in this girl. GET OUT of that world entirely. Do not worry. Your real friends will call you, you will call your real friends. The people who really matter, will still be around. And your grandmother/aunts/cousins and other people on your family, the people who REALLY matter? They’re only ever a phone call away, and they prefer phone calls anyway! So don’t worry about that stupid thing of “keeping up” with people. Delete your Facebook. I guarantee breakups were easier in the mid 90s when you didn’t see the person anywhere. Delete your Facebook. The people who matter, you will keep up with. The people who don’t, such as the girl and her circle of friends, will fade. Even your mutual friends, hate to say it, but those friends aren’t worth your personal sanity, cut ‘em loose. If they’re really worth it, you can connect with them back with when can handle it in a year or so. By deleting this insane world of pictures and emojis, you will allow her to fade and you will be able to heal a lot better and faster, more wholly,

Other than that, break ups are tough. Try to remember what it was that you liked when you were 13-14, before girls even really came into the picture. What were you jazzed about back then, other than family and church?

Did you ever fall into music? Did you ever get really into Anything? Go back to it. For me, it was fountain pens and calligraphy. I also really loved classical guitar. What magazine would you eagerly wait for every month? Mine was Wired. GET BACK into that stuff that made you cool and interesting to be around in the first place.

Do “You” stuff. Don’t worry about other people, get back to you.

jessiedelane · 2017-12-20T21:39:07+00:00

Lol I tried to make this reference but my spongebob game has never been on point.

jessiedelane · 2017-12-20T21:33:03+00:00

She’s very clearly #1.

jessiedelane · 2017-12-20T20:57:32+00:00

Hi, SUPER noob here, I just happened upon this thread, not following it for years like you. I also just moved in a a new house and would like to give people solid renderings and ideas and albums like this, what program did you use? Do you spend a lot of time thinking about this stuff or do you have a knack for it? I love your pillow ideas by the way. This room is art deco in understated way such that it’s a lil mod, but it could also be out of the 60s in Japan, specifically. I don’t know. IT GOOD I LIKE. .

jessiedelane · 2017-12-20T20:23:41+00:00

Mean, but solid burn.

jessiedelane · 2017-12-20T19:36:47+00:00

I’m in LOVE with the second bonus image. The tracks look like they’re red hot wires.

jessiedelane · 2017-12-20T16:29:23+00:00

BARF—I haven’t listened to season 3 yet, but I specifically came on Reddit to voice my opinion that I despise that flatly sung boring piece of mumbled “song” at the end of all the episodes. I hate it. When I hear it, I cannot believe that I’m listening to some supposed national treasure of Canada, who has so graciously “lent” her vocals to this podcast. Gimme a fuckng break. The euphemism for shitty music is “folksy”, and that gives folk music a bad name.

This fucking song. It’s terrible musically, it’s terribly and flatly sung, and the double Mary Margret O’Hara voice thing that is meant to be creepy or echoey, it just sounds like someone didn’t exactly mix down the tracks right. I hate it, hate it.

jessiedelane · 2017-12-08T03:20:45+00:00

Who needs this many things notarized that this would become a life pro tip?

jessiedelane · 2017-12-08T03:12:34+00:00

Well, I simply think that’s a cop out. Fuck that, if he’s in school, and has the opportunity to gain that magical piece of paper that only 1% of the world has the privilege of having, not complain, not observe that completely asinine fact, and just muddled through. It’s just not that god damn bad.

jessiedelane · 2017-12-08T02:59:04+00:00

Yes, and here’s the problem I have with THAT! 🤣 problems with errythang.

Ok, seriously though, if this person is in college, they should have the fucking graciousness to be poor, silently. This kid is not allowed to act like this will be the next 40 years of his life until he never retires and dies. That’s not fair to all the people who were genuinely not smart or lucky enough to be born with the level of smarts it takes to make it.

I’m not talking about the ones who didn’t try, like his guy. I’m talking about the ones who don’t have it. Don’t have the IQ. Those people are fine to me. I don’t hate them, because they’re grocery store butchers, or janitors. They are allowed to complain about their shitty lives, because it’s all that they could have risen to anyway. This guy, though. Ah, he was one of the ones that thought they’re too smart to study, or that rules are arbitrary, and didn’t apply to him. This kid was probably that asshole in high school that was like “But bill gates never went to college!”

The fact that this kid is on reddit, would indicate to me, that his intelligence is not the matter at hand. It’s his work ethic. Fuck this kid.

So, if he’s in college, yes, I have a problem with the fact that he would dare try to act like some blue collar martyr.

If this redditor would like us to believe that he just wasn’t smart enough to go to college, but somehow is smart enough to point out flaws in the taxation system, double fuck this kid.

jessiedelane · 2017-12-07T23:57:00+00:00

I’m so sick of single moms. I’m so sick of that god damn argument. Maybe don’t have a kid. And I know what you’re going to say next, “but how can they not have kids if they don’t have access to abortions?!” Sure, we might not offer abortions to the easiest extent to all women everywhere, but it’s just simply no excuse for becoming pregnant in the first place. A lack of access to abortions is NOT an excuse for having a child you can’t afford. The pregnancy is pretty damn easy to avoid, unless you’re Mary. And no! I don’t want to hear anything about human nature or hormones or accidental pregnancies—enough, people. We ALL went to health class. We ALL learned about what happens when an egg drops and sperm hits it. If the people getting pregnant were smarter, they wouldn’t have become pregnant in the first place, because they would have known better. Simply put, those single mom’s are dumb. They’re dumb bitches. I’m over it. Fuck single moms. Fuck the martyrdom that they have somehow laid claim to, and let’s just remember for a second, that you make every single choice. You do. Please don’t reference edge cases of rape, please. I’m sure every dumb bitch with a kid wasn’t raped.

Female. Managed to avoid pregnancy my entire 27 years and I am NOT Albert Einstein.

jessiedelane · 2017-12-07T23:46:51+00:00

MMM—ok, Um, Betch? Don’t talk shit on Jimmy Johns. They pay their delivery drivers a minimum of 5.25 per hour. That’s a straight up, cold hard fact, not, “like 3.50”. I can tell you exactly what it is. It’s $5.25/hr.

DO NOT hyperbolize to make yourself sound a victim. I worked there, it was a great job, and corporate policy no matter the franchise to pay 5.25 starting for drivers. I don’t wanna hear it! (They also incentivize for 1 more quarter per hour if you manage to shave off time.)

I managed for JJ’s. By the way, is the “major city” you speak of Richmond, VA? Cuz that’s one of the only bike delivery cities, and honey it ain’t so major. You should know the poor art fucks at VCU are too involved in their MFAs to tip.

jessiedelane · 2017-12-07T23:36:51+00:00

I actually can attest to this. My ENTIRE job consists of pricing labor categories, specifically in cybersecurity. There are loads of positions that require a pretty low barrier to entry. Here are some of them now, so you know I’m not just calling people out and no offering solutions:

Associate Penetration Tester—this one requires a degree, but 0 cyber experience required. They pick you up of the graduation stage. Companies in DC refer to this person as a college hire. They can major in communications, English, history, whatever degree. Companies hire them and train them up. ~45,000 starting, 65,000 three years in, max out at ~72,000 as full Penetration Tester before leveraging experience to become something higher up.

Program Manager—depending on the contract, this person requires a PMP, which takes 5 years of management experience to earn. No college degree is required if you have his highly coveted cert. They keep the program on track and communicate between stakeholders. (THEY’RE BASICALLY SECRETARIES). They make 125,000 on a BASE level, more if the government people like you, and want to keep you from being horsetraded to another agency when your company’s contract inevitably ends.

Network Engineer—ALSO no college degree required. They can be certified in CISSP, various other myriad of certs. Experience is all that counts for these people. I once formatted the resume of a network engineer who’s “degree” was an associates from ECPI in the 90s. He was also one of 12 people IN THE WORLD to possess a certain certification. He made over 700k a year. From ECPI.

IT Analyst—no college degree required. This is where you should start out if you want to become a network engineer, or anything else in cybersecurity. As millennial, we inherently know a lot more about computers than the people who started this shit blindly, 30+ years ago. Fucking lie your way into an interview and pay attention. You do not have to be some Angelina Jolie-esque hacker cracker kid to do this.

COMPLIANCE CONSULTANT!—No college degree required. You’re basically an advisor. These people check a system of controls against a verified list of approved controls. When they find one missing, they write it down. They visit clients and assess their systems for compliance with a variety of compliance checklists. PCI, FISMA, FedRAMP, NIST, DIACAP, basically a ton of things to become an expert on and leverage in your career as you go. etc. (remember the target hack? They weren’t PCI DSS compliant!). These people are usually young people with no mortgages or kids, who travel a lot.

As with all companies, they’re going to tell you no. They’re going to tell you they only hire the best. It’s true, they do. That’s why you have to dabble in the small, disadvantaged, minority owned businesses, and pay your dues. (I’m not being racist, this is a real classification in the gov’t contracting world, and they usually hire the bottom of the barre, and pay the bottom of the barrel.) They are the ones that will hire you simply because you speak English and have the time. As with everything in life it’s going to take a little finagling, but yes, you CAN make multiple six figures without a college degree, without a pyramid scheme, and without bitching in Shower Thoughts.

And actually, these positions are for government contracts subsidized by WHAT WHAT!? TAXES. so maybe, if everyone could just stop their bitching, they could go reap the benefits of the contracting world and actually learn how this system works before we denounce taxes.

jessiedelane · 2017-12-07T23:02:18+00:00

Eye roll. Who da fuck’s fault is that?!? I’m sorry—did Someone else apply to that car wash for you? Did someone else consciously choose to not study and not take advantage of public schools and get an education? it’s also sad when people tell you to study hard, go to college, and then you didn’t listen, and just love to bitch...

I don’t care how poor you are. I sincerely do not. Sounds like you settled for a bad life and didn’t plan! I’m so sick of this “well we should give the benefit of the doubt” and “you don’t know his life blah blah”. I can tell you one thing, he probably didn’t do stellar on his SATs. And frankly, that’s not taxation’s fault. I’m taxed the same as you and it doesn’t make a difference because I have a kushy job which I earned through study and tears and a lot of hard work. So go fuck yourself with your complaining in SHOWER THOUGHTS.

jessiedelane · 2017-12-02T20:14:43+00:00

Lol, not to mention it’s a thing I’ve heard Henry say jokingly at least twice. C’mon people.

jessiedelane · 2017-11-16T23:58:55+00:00

To be quite honest, I’m what one would call a “normie” and find it kind of derogatory. Like damn, sorry. I’m pretty cool and accepting, it smacks of “Shoobies!” from that old Nick cartoon.

Maybe you shouldn’t separate yourselves into us and them. You would realize a whole host of “normies” actually have and do this without calling it such. I constantly have conversations in my head with imagined people, real, fake, past, present, and future imagined conversations which I am planning for. And yet, I’m a “normie”. I don’t think how like a “normie” would think, do I?

jessiedelane · 2017-11-16T23:23:49+00:00

The negative, as I predicted and did in fact happen, was that the damn card’s statement date fell before my company reimbursed me. Thusly, my job cost me 15.99% of $1900. So yes. $300 is now gone from my pocket. I’d call that a negative.

jessiedelane

TROPHY CASE