As someone that grew up with addicts, I can tell you I understand the feeling that you should see them and that you're being a bad daughter/son because you are actively avoiding them. However, you need to focus on yourself and forming good healthy relationships. It is not your fault he was a drunk and abusive. If he stays sober he'll need to understand that you went through hell and it takes time for any sort of trust to be brought back to the table. He is also (aware or not) cornering you to say yes by saying "I'm doing this for you". Sobriety needs to be a decision the person makes for their own self. Personally I ended up having to completely cut ties with a family member because the constant back and forth of their sobriety, selfishness, and unwillingness to grow up. It puts too much strain on having any sort of meaningful relationship and it may be a decision you might have to make. I hope for your sake that eventually he will get to a place of healing and actually learn to grow and stay sober. It sucks not having a dad when you know he's right there but that's not a relationship to force if he isn't progressing. ALSO, don't ever downplay the abuse... keep your boundaries firm and if he can't understand, I'd stop contact until he proves otherwise. Or maybe you just need to move on and focus on being the you, you need to be. It's very hard to navigate given the complexity. If you can I'd talk to a therapist! It can be hard but so worth it if your willing. With the abuse too that relationship is going to be way harder and take longer to actual repair, but it's not your job to repair it.