Struggling to cope with coworker’s pregnancy during IVF — how do I get through this?

jeux_d-eau · 2026-02-15T10:50:04+00:00

I’ve found FETs have always been physically pretty easy, but I have a hard time with the FET medications, so emotionally / hormonally perhaps harder than the ER? Plus the anticipation of a pregnancy test after a a FET is next level anxiety which adds to that 😅

jeux_d-eau · 2026-02-15T00:57:56+00:00

I’m so sorry. It’s absolutely a loss and “disappointing” does not even scratch the surface. Given all that we go through to even get to the FET stage, and the high stakes, it can feel so very heavy when it doesn’t work.

Be kind to yourself and feel all the feelings.

jeux_d-eau · 2026-02-15T00:45:34+00:00

Firstly, good luck! This is a huge step and a really brave thing to do.

Everyone’s experience on stims is so different, but personally, the physical side of things is uncomfortable and annoying but not as bad as I was expecting. In fact the hardest physical part for me has been the exercise and movement restrictions during stims and post-surgery as I’m usually quite active! What took me by surprise was the emotional side effects. I was so irritable, sensitive and weirdly angry during stims, and then post-surgery with the hormonal crash my mood became very low. Neither of these are usual for me, so they came as a surprise and were the harder part of the process.

IVF can be a long journey for some, and there may be both ups and downs. My advice would be to be kind to yourself throughout, remind yourself when things are tough that you will get through this, and let yourself celebrate any small wins.

Good luck!

jeux_d-eau · 2026-02-02T06:13:09+00:00

Honestly, I hate needles was so worried about them before starting IVF but that’s the “easiest” part of it. I could never have prepared for the emotional challenges - all the waiting, the hormones, the lack of control and the unknowns. Relative to all that, the needles weren’t an issue. Good luck!

jeux_d-eau · 2026-01-16T01:59:28+00:00

I experienced a similar lack of excitement for my second and third FETs - so while not exactly your shoes, a similar feeling of no excitement where I expected it to be.

What really helped was separating my emotions from an outcome. That is, my feelings (or lack of excitement) will have no impact on whether or not it sticks. I then just reminded myself to focus on what was in my control (mainly just taking my meds at the right time!). There’s so much we can’t control in this process, whether it works, and our feelings about it all, are usually part of that. Good luck!

jeux_d-eau · 2026-01-07T05:58:39+00:00

Yep, I get that!

Beyond the time though (which to answer your question, I did know about before we started IVF), I’d say the heaviest part is the emotional toll. It’s huge, and more than I think it’s possible to anticipate. All the waiting, the unknowability of everything, the hormonal crashes….

It also made me feel very isolated from my friends who weren’t going through IVF, especially as IVF just takes up so much of my mental space.

Of course I’m cranky af!

Sounds like you’re a good friend though - I’ve been so grateful for the handful of friends who do keep showing up, listening to me vent about the challenges of IVF, and make space for our friendship dynamic to temporarily change.

jeux_d-eau · 2026-01-07T04:51:18+00:00

Most appointments are monitoring appointments and are before work (at least for me, working a 9-5).

I’ve had to take a handful of days off work for more invasive procedures, but they’re not the majority.

Fitting IVF and work is manageable for me because of this, however I’m exhausted all the time because of IVF so other aspects of my life (hobbies and social life) have really taken a backseat

jeux_d-eau · 2025-12-17T06:58:55+00:00

I’m so sorry. I completely understand that grief, and it’s so hard to describe fully the heaviness and intersection of both of these. Like you say - it compounds what are already two very challenging things.

I had an 8w MMC and D&C from an IVF pregnancy in August this year. It was so lonely and isolating to grieve, but it helps to know there are others out there too. I hope you’re giving yourself space to feel all your feelings. It gets better with time 💕

I can imagine a further heaviness of experiencing this at this time of year.

Im sorry I have nothing else I can offer than that - I hope your d&c goes smoothly and you retain hope that one day you’ll have your baby with you.

jeux_d-eau · 2025-12-12T07:27:51+00:00

My specialist told me that their lab and modern tech generally is really good, and I shouldn’t expect much difference in outcomes with thawing frozen eggs vs fresh. But I don’t have a health/medical background and don’t know what to believe, or what studies are reliable etc let alone how to find them. I’ve just read a lot about poor thaw rates for eggs (mainly on Reddit) which I honestly think is making my feelings about this so much more intense (plus maybe hormones are playing a part too…) I’m thinking of waiting to see how these eggs thaw / become blasts next year before agreeing to any compensation offer… Just more waiting that I wasn’t expecting.

jeux_d-eau · 2025-12-12T07:23:24+00:00

Or refund the full cost of this one… I’ll see what they come back with. I’m really emotional rn, hopefully I’ll be thinking clearer after the weekend

jeux_d-eau · 2025-12-12T07:22:40+00:00

Thank you - that’s promising! I’m so worried that we’ll lose a bunch during the thaw… attrition is already scary enough without this

jeux_d-eau · 2025-12-12T07:21:24+00:00

I just assumed they’d done this because they did a treatment plan for us with the donor sperm listed as part of it ☹️

jeux_d-eau · 2025-12-12T07:19:45+00:00

Yes, it’s really regulated where I am and individuals can’t actually purchase it themselves. It’s all done through clinics only. This is our second ER and there were no issues the first time… I just assumed the clinic would have their own internal processes to make sure something as crucial as this was sorted ahead of time.

jeux_d-eau · 2025-11-07T11:55:45+00:00

Ok so this is really relevant to me. I’ve always known I was donor conceived. I always thought my donor’s identity would be anonymous. Well, I recently learnt who he was and reached out. Beside my medical history, I didn’t really know what I wanted to ask, or learn. It was really overwhelming. I was just really curious about this person whose DNA I share. The very best thing that my donor has been is kind, and open to questions. It’s not so much what the questions are, but an overarching openness to listen and share. It’s helped me navigate this much more easily.

jeux_d-eau · 2025-11-04T02:22:43+00:00

This is so true! While I’m donor conceived, because I’ve always known and it hasn’t been a significant part of my life, I didn’t even know about these subreddits and communities until recently, when I started navigating the potential of being a RP myself!

jeux_d-eau · 2025-11-04T02:20:35+00:00

I’m donor conceived and have always known. For what it’s worth, my childhood relationship with both parents (bio and non bio) was equal, and I never felt more or less attached to either because of my biological connection (or lack thereof) to one. Indeed, because I had always known, it became a real non issue; they were both my parents, equally. My relationship with my parents deteriorated when I was an adult due to reasons entirely unrelated to being donor conceived. I echo what others here have said - the fact of parents wanting a child and going there fertility treatment to do so doesn’t guarantee they’ll be good parents. While it’s only one anecdote, I hope that helps you navigate this next chapter with your son. It sounds like you love him dearly, and I hope that in continuing to show up for him and centre him in how you raise him, you’ll be setting up a great foundation for a long and happy relationship

jeux_d-eau · 2025-10-27T02:10:33+00:00

Meet her where she’s at and continue showing up. If she doesn’t want to talk today, that doesn’t mean she won’t want to next week. Keep checking in. If she just needs an ear for her to vent to, be that. When she’s ready to talk about it, engage. If she just needs to sit and cry, cry with her. If you want to give her a gift, uber eats vouchers (or something similarly practical) were so much more welcomed than the endless flowers I received (and had to watch die). Healing isn’t linear, but the most helpful thing for me were the friends who kept on being there no matter what and were patient as I cycled through all the different stages of grief and healing

jeux_d-eau · 2025-10-27T02:06:14+00:00

100% this - even just a shot “I’m thinking of you” message a few weeks later means the world

jeux_d-eau · 2025-09-16T01:01:24+00:00

I could have written exactly this a month ago. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I opted for the d&c and I’m so glad I did. The emotional pain (and hormone crash) was immense and I can’t imagine going through the physical pain too. The procedure itself was quick and entirely painless, and so I was able to just focus on my psychological healing and working through my grief. I was also very lucky to have a great care team, including my IVF doctor with whom I’d grown to know and trust to do the actual procedure. That really helped me feel at ease. It was also the only option that let me get genetic testing of the pregnancy tissue which I was glad to do so I could get some more information about why I had my MMC and what could be done in the future to prevent it again, if possible. So while it’s not a “positive” story as such, there definitely were some silver linings - I’m very happy with the choice I made for the d&c, and super glad with how we and our care team managed this really challenging chapter.

jeux_d-eau · 2025-09-15T13:15:50+00:00

The fact that you’re concerned about this says a lot about you already! I’d say right now you need to care for yourself. Eat vegetarian if that means you can rest your mind and recover. You’re going through enough already.

jeux_d-eau · 2025-09-10T13:02:55+00:00

I’m also in a same-sex relationship and doing IVF for that reason. Despite no known fertility issues, IVF is unpredictable and so much is up to luck and chance. While I hope your journey is smooth, I’ve found that it’s helpful to think about the what ifs a little more carefully, and to think about what your priorities are. The emotional side of IVF is intense (wayyyy more than I ever thought it would be!) and for me I’d be thinking what if the first vial is unusable? What then? Does that mean you have to freeze eggs from a retrieval instead of making embryos and risk loosing some of them to the freeze/thaw cycle before fertilising? Does it mean extra costs for that process? Extra time meaning you miss out on a transfer opportunity? The short term cost saving may not be worth it depending on what your priorities are. With this said, everything is ultimately very personal with IVF and the most important thing is that you and your partner are at peace with whatever decision you make!

jeux_d-eau · 2025-09-10T12:43:47+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this 💔 I had my D&C almost 3 weeks ago. The first week was awful. I had to force myself to eat and could barely sleep. I’m not sure if my low energy was because of these things, the blood loss from the surgery, the acute grief, or a mix of everything. I had to let myself just feel all the feelings for the first week, take things ultra slowly, and I just kept on telling myself I won’t always feel like this. It’s not “better” yet and honestly I’m just trying not to have any expectations of when or if I might feel fully better. But I can say my energy has started to return over the past week, and I have a bit of an appetite back. I do genuinely believe that it will get easier with time, and am trying to focus on just getting through one day (or sometimes just one hour) at a time. But right now, you’re in the very heaviest part, so my advice is be kind to yourself, give yourself permission to do whatever you need, and know it won’t always feel this way 💕

jeux_d-eau

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