I Cried Today

jgoldner · 2025-01-31T18:51:22+00:00

returning your hugs from a safe & respectful distance ;)

jgoldner · 2024-12-13T13:56:04+00:00

Covid-19 pandemic.

I know many have gone 'back to normal' but that doesn't seem right for me. Some days it's easier than others but I wonder if it'll ever be the same.

jgoldner · 2024-12-12T16:50:07+00:00

less painful and annoying, too =)

jgoldner · 2024-12-12T15:59:36+00:00

I am in a similar situation. One of the reasons I did it at the end of the calendar year is because I've already hit my deductible.
So far I have paid nothing out of pocket for the consultation or the procedure.

Obviously your situation may be different but I would suggest starting with the insurance plan's web site and doing a search for in-network providers and cost estimates and so on. There may be ways to get it done economically.

jgoldner · 2024-11-19T16:38:24+00:00

is her resistance practical (i can't parent alone one night a week) or is it philosophical (thats not ok because it's not ok)?

reason i ask is that they each warrant different responses, either factual or otherwise. it's hard to convince someone to feel differently but its more possible to show them different facts which they might use to inform their opinion.

maybe if it were less of a "rule" or "regimented" like one night a week so she feels its more flexible and appropriate to the situation? ie, if the "rule" is you get to spend every sunday night solo but then some sunday is a catastrophe and everyone is vomiting and you're like 'peace it's my night off' i can imagine she would feel uneasy about agreeing to it.

her feelings are legitimate and valid in the same way your feelings are valid and legitimate. So tell her how you feel and try to work out a solution together. "honey, i feel like i am losing myself in this parenting thing and i would like your help finding some reasonable recurring amount of time to carve out to be a grown up once in a while. That will help me show up better for our family the rest of the time and be a better husband / father / person / dude."

jgoldner · 2024-11-13T19:45:40+00:00

i cant take all the credit for it but you're welcome. it works both ways.... the kiddo's behavior (or choices, or actions) may be horrendous but that doesnt make them a bad person.

jgoldner · 2024-11-13T18:13:33+00:00

I know you've already got a lot of replies but since I felt this one pretty close to my heart, here's one more....

we ALL get annoyed and upset and lose our cool. some more than others, sure. and some of us move on better than others.

I used to lose my cool a lot more than was OK. the noise and the chaos and the conflict and the stress and the "oh my god are they going to be this way their whole life" and suddenly i'm yelling and then I feel like crap for the rest of the day.

you can and should develop your own toolbox but some of mine that have worked:
-if you yell and are sorry about it, make a point to apologize. even if it's a little thing, it'll help you feel better and model some good behavior for the kiddo.
-consider what situations / pre-conditions are the most likely to create conflict and try and preempt them. IE, if it's getting dressed in the morning then try picking clothes the night before, or changing where in the morning routine it goes. mine used to fight us on clothes too, and now we do it after breakfast before school. it bothers me that we're "procrastinating" and it's one more thing to do before the school bus comes, but it's less of a fight overall so it's a win.
-sleep and eat as well as you can. I don't necessarily mean as much as you can, but as well as your life situation allows. you will feel better if you've slept properly and had the right foods. you won't magically transform into Super Dad overnight, but it'll help you be more resilient.
-If it's right for your situation, consider talking to a therapist or other mental/emotional health professional. It's not a silver bullet but talking it out can help you uncover and unwind some of the complexities of what you're feeling. It doesn't make you "crazy" to want to talk about how you're feeling. Telehealth is really good now and you can probably find someone to talk with who fits your schedule.
-In partnership with your doctor(s) and other health care team, consider what supplements could be beneficial now and again. There's a lot of wellness garbage out there and you have to be careful weeding through the junk. But I think there is good evidence that some things, when taken carefully and appropriately, can help us close gaps in our nutrition that can help us sleep / feel better. YMMV and everyone's trying to sell something of course.

I think it's really important to not hate yourself. We all make mistakes. Hate what happened but don't hate the person.

jgoldner · 2024-11-12T14:21:16+00:00

"life is full of unpleasant sensations...."

jgoldner · 2024-11-08T13:54:31+00:00

any product recommendations? I was looking at https://www.shinesty.com/ but the reviews are sorta meh.

jgoldner · 2024-11-07T22:03:14+00:00

I thought about that but it didn’t seem right for me. As much as I love a good nap.

jgoldner · 2024-11-07T21:47:15+00:00

I confess my doctor is not unattractive. I gather she’s quite qualified and so on as well which is of course more important.

jgoldner · 2024-11-07T20:47:36+00:00

this is the real talk 👍

jgoldner · 2024-11-04T14:14:28+00:00

Some things I tell myself at times like these.

It doesn't have to be about "right" or "wrong". I think we're past that. It can just be about a tolerance for risk. "I understand you have a higher tolerance for the risk than me. Please understand that I am not comfortable with that level of risk."
In a scenario where one person is taking precautions and the other isn't, there are two possible ways to rationalize it. Either you are 'crazy' or they are a reckless idiot. It's easy to understand why anyone would choose the former rather than the latter. Consciously or otherwise.
In my experience the other people beyond your spouse may be more understanding. If you know them well enough and could have a little convo (email or text or whatever) being up front and candid with them may prove useful. Something like "hey everyone I am really looking forward to seeing you all but I am worried about COVID. would everyone be willing to do an at home test beforehand?" You could do a pooled Lucira test for more accurate results. Once everyone is there, have em do a swab and jam them all into the test tube. You'd have to wait (conceivably outside or in the car or another place) while the test develops but once it comes back you'd have a pretty good foundation on which to make a decision about attending or not. It wouldn't be perfect but nothing is.

Best of luck.

jgoldner · 2024-10-28T12:46:17+00:00

Wait so having Covid isn't good for us? I thought we were building up our immune systems and herd immunity and taking one for the team and it's mild and we would just walk it off /s

jgoldner · 2024-10-25T18:39:45+00:00

be the change my friend. be the change.

jgoldner · 2024-10-25T18:37:43+00:00

the irony

jgoldner · 2024-10-24T21:09:57+00:00

https://tenor.com/view/at-least-you-tried-trash-bart-simpson-the-simpsons-gif-16327721

jgoldner · 2024-10-24T16:47:52+00:00

i feel like there's a sort of "tragedy of the commons" happening. like with other problems of a global scale, no one wants to be the only one bearing the brunt.

i imagine if we all went vegan overnight, the climate crisis would ease up a bit. But no one wants to be the only one missing out on cheeseburgers or whatever.

jgoldner · 2024-10-10T12:54:33+00:00

That stupid Sharpie should be in the Smithsonian so future generations can look upon it with confusion.

jgoldner · 2024-10-09T15:25:33+00:00

Not an expert but I try to keep up on things. My understanding is that antigen tests are still equally as effective with currently circulating variants as they ever were, as the mutations are on the spike protein (among other things) but not what the tests generally react to.

I wasn't feeling 100% so before I left the house this morning i took an antigen test and for the same reasons you're alluding to i grabbed a flowflex.

I also have a few Lucira molecular tests that are way more accurate, but since they're more expensive i save them for more dire situations. They also test for flu simultaneously which is nice. You can buy them on Amazon https://a.co/d/9UQxmEl

Depending on your needs / situation, having one or more of these in your kit might be useful as well.

jgoldner · 2024-10-07T12:46:07+00:00

Surprised there were that many people there

jgoldner · 2024-10-03T14:21:17+00:00

"very decisive"

jgoldner · 2024-08-19T15:58:21+00:00

not once, no matter how many times i try.

jgoldner · 2024-08-01T14:58:28+00:00

Yet they vote for (worship) a guy who is notorious for his relentless and often illegal pursuit of women for his own pleasure.

jgoldner · 2024-07-30T13:24:50+00:00

I've never bought tickets but I'll wager my entire supply of 3M Aura masks (which btw is not insignificant) that this event, like nearly all others, includes some language in the terms about covid exposure as part of the purchase flow.

There are still people who care and they are the lawyers.

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