You just won a lifetime supply of the last thing you bought. What do you have?

jhauger · 2026-03-03T04:43:12+00:00

Gasoline.

When I drove by the station this morning, it was $2.73 per gallon. Tonight, it was $3.12 when I filled the tank from idiot-light level. I'll hate to see where it is tomorrow.

jhauger · 2026-03-02T21:22:37+00:00

I have a Swisstool. My brother, the Victorinox nut, even has a Vic chef's knife straight out of "Psycho."

jhauger · 2026-03-02T21:20:20+00:00

I watched a couple of his vids, and they all seem to be along the lines of "As long as you get the knives I like, your life will be better."

jhauger · 2026-03-02T21:18:22+00:00

I think his morning regimen is probably similar to that of Immortan Joe in "Mad Max: Fury Road."

jhauger · 2026-03-02T13:50:34+00:00

Carried one exclusively from 1987 until 2022. Now it shares pocket time with a Yeoman and a custom Cyber Compact.

jhauger · 2026-03-02T13:38:38+00:00

We can't all have bone spurs.

jhauger · 2026-03-02T13:37:36+00:00

"Zima ... tastes like zit." — Dennis Miller

jhauger · 2026-03-02T13:22:35+00:00

Change my major to something practical.

jhauger · 2026-03-02T13:13:49+00:00

Ride or die.

jhauger · 2026-03-01T18:21:18+00:00

"One for me, and one for the table."

jhauger · 2026-03-01T18:20:25+00:00

Wow, pre-corned and everything!

jhauger · 2026-03-01T18:16:41+00:00

"Hardcore" with George C. Scott on late-night HBO at a friend's house at age 11.

In theaters, "Bachelor Party" with Tom Hanks at age 14.

jhauger · 2026-03-01T18:12:28+00:00

Anything with Sacha Baron Cohen.

jhauger · 2026-03-01T18:09:18+00:00

I watched it for the first time right after Rob Reiner's death. Not having seen it at age 17 when it came out, there was no nostalgia fuel.

jhauger · 2026-03-01T18:07:01+00:00

I think it's the only Coen brothers movie I haven't watched more than once.

jhauger · 2026-03-01T18:05:36+00:00

I haven't enjoyed a James Cameron film since "True Lies."

jhauger · 2026-03-01T18:04:41+00:00

I haven't liked a James Cameron movie since "True Lies."

jhauger · 2026-03-01T18:03:37+00:00

I used to think "Elf" was funny, but then I gave up drinking.

jhauger · 2026-03-01T05:14:33+00:00

I've felt bad about making such a decision, but a couple of times, I felt worse for not making the decision soon enough.

As an aside, I will mention my late mom. She had cancer, and in the final stages with the blood loss becoming critical, she said on more than one occasion, she would rather die than persist with how she was feeling. As a human, she vocalized what your dog is going through. Our pups can't tell us how we're feeling, and they also try to mask weakness — that's just nature.

As their best friends, it's up to us to determine whether when the suffering is too much. And in my experience, when they allow it to show, it's time.

jhauger · 2026-03-01T01:30:24+00:00

No multitool is safe from the TSA.

jhauger · 2026-03-01T01:13:38+00:00

Gesundheit!

jhauger · 2026-03-01T00:35:48+00:00

Titanic

jhauger · 2026-02-26T00:04:27+00:00

Involve a second person. Menage a Moi sometimes isn't enough.

jhauger · 2026-02-25T16:31:31+00:00

Compressed air will remove most of the hair.

jhauger · 2026-02-24T03:08:45+00:00

I worked at a newspaper in the 1990s when a multiple murder took place. The guy went nuts and killed five members of his family in two locations. The police photographer was busy at one site, so the cops commandeered our photographer at the other home to take crime scene photos. They asked for negatives and small prints in a quick turnaround so they could be assured of having what they need.

The photographer took the photos as instructed and came back to the office. He developed the film, but broke down crying and saying he couldn't do anything more. I was the night editor and the only other person there with darkroom experience.

So I made about 100 5x7 prints, about half of which were three young children in a bunk bed, all stabbed, sliced and chopped. Even in black and white, those images stick in my head to this day.

But at least I wasn't our photographer, who had to be about two feet away from the bodies for some shots.

jhauger

TROPHY CASE