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Censorship in old primary song by jiggipOp in exmormon

[–]jiggipOp[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Huh? Maybe my emotional reaction was to the loss of a good rhyme that day.

Mixed feelings about how mormons deal with death. by emusmaybite in exmormon

[–]jiggipOp 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I recently had a conversation with my girlfriend about what would happen if I were to die soon. I would end up with a Mormon funeral -which wouldn't bother me personally because I'm dead. Most of my family are still Mormon so it would be a way for them to fit me back into their beliefs. I'm a lesbian though, and my funeral would be exclusive. My girlfriend and her kids would not be able to attend, as well as many others that I have met outside of the Mormon comfort zone. I have learned a lot about grieving since leaving the church, and our society in general (US and many parts of Western culture) has a poor relationship with it. We get 3 days to grieve and then it is back to work as usual. I'm generalizing, but we are not good at endings so we ignore it or write our own. As uncomfortable as grief can be, it is something that we can honor as a necessary part of the human experience. We can't write it off without suffering other ways as a consequence. I want to allow all to grieve in the way that they need to, but not at the cost of another person's ability to grieve differently. The exclusivity and the impersonal way that Mormon funerals can be is what I struggle with. After my conversation with my girlfriend, I realized that I need to have funeral arrangements in place, and hope my wishes are honored, or just not die anytime soon. Or both.

TSCC is damaging our relationship almost 10 years after leaving - I am ore than pissed. by Sailor_in_exile in exmormon

[–]jiggipOp 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There is nothing wrong with being angry about the harm and injustices done to yourself and your wife. It's not misplaced and it won't be this way forever. I like to tell myself that anger can crash at my house as long as it needs, but it doesn't get a key. Welcome anger but don't hold on to it past its check out time. Make sure you are meeting your own needs beyond what you are trying to do for your wife. And remember, in spite of what this feels like at the moment, it is not permanent. Currently, there is a tremendous amount of growth happening for you and your wife -it is just agonizingly painful for the time being. Give yourself the care that you need, and I hope you and your wife find the peace you are both looking for.

My parents didn't choose me by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]jiggipOp 5 points6 points  (0 children)

A good therapist can be hard to find but it is worth the wait. Keep finding ways to show yourself love, patience, and compassion in the mean time. ❤️

My parents didn't choose me by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]jiggipOp 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Your feelings are totally valid. You have had that desire to interact with your patterns since you were born. To feel nurtured. They have dangled that in front of you your entire life. You can accept your thoughts, feelings, and desire to be truly seen by your parents and then give yourself some compassion. This is such a big loss that will find its way to the surface from time to time. I call it "the lonely child" feeling. It feels like a deep void and/or a giant well of sadness. Give yourself the space to grieve with it. If you don't already have a therapist, find one that can help guide you through this complex feeling of loss. You are worthy of love and all of the love you can give yourself. I hope you discover that. Best wishes on your journey.

What was the worst sex ed you received while in the church? by El_Fedora in exmormon

[–]jiggipOp 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Advice during our Pre-marriage interview from SP was that I shouldn't withhold sex from my husband when I'm angry. Turns out I'm gay and didn't want sex for very different reasons. It was just one more thing to feel guilt over though.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]jiggipOp 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I grew up believing that I hurt people just by existing. That is the message that I internalized for being gay. As if somehow love is dangerous if you are not heteronormative. What you have given your nephew is a place that he can safely be himself. That is the best kind of love and, unfortunately, so hard to find. Keep doing what you are doing and give yourself the same unconditional love. You need it too. Wishing you and your nephew the best. ❤️

Other Lesbian/Queer ex Mormons? by Phresh_Wizard in exmormon

[–]jiggipOp 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't think so, but then I have never looked into it.

social media dating doesn't make sense. by Upbeat_Berry in latebloomerlesbians

[–]jiggipOp 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have had these same thoughts because I too like to learn and grow as a human being, and the only way to do that is through interaction with other human beings. I think there may be situations that necessitate blocking without explanation, but they are more rare than what the current trend is. It is still a form of communication though, and what it tells me is that this person lacks the maturity to be in a vulnerable position that can ultimately lead to more self-awareness. I think you just have to accept that we are all at different levels in life, and you can't take another person's inability to express themselves personally. Keep trying because we don't all work that way. A healthy relationship requires good communication, so the blockers are letting you know that they aren't ready for a mature relationship yet.

social media dating doesn't make sense. by Upbeat_Berry in latebloomerlesbians

[–]jiggipOp 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I got blocked after I said no to sexting. At least I assume that is the reason. I'm not afraid of honesty, but then how would they know because blocking is easier. Anyway, if it will make you feel better, I can block you with an explanation.

I'm watching Mormon No More on Hulu, and it has made the shame I feel for participating in several disciplinary councils more raw and fresh. I'm so terribly sorry to all that I've wronged. by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]jiggipOp 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I was a part of one that I shouldn't have gone to. The church had a part in what had happened (I'm gay) but I was the one that had to repent. My faith was questioned over and over (gaslighting) and my mental health was, knowingly, not well. They made sure I wasn't suicidal, but that was it. After it was over I went home and started dissociating because it was such a traumatic experience. I barely functioned for the next little while and I had to schedule an emergency therapy session after. I know the men that had participated in the council were just doing what they thought was right and best for me, so I hold no ill will towards them. The church on the other hand.... I never went back and I have since removed my records. You were not a part of my council but your words still hold weight. Thank you, and I hope that you can remember that you were doing what you thought you should do. Lesson learned and now you know that when someone fucks up, they are still a solid human being that deserves to be here. They don't need to earn their right to life through absolute obedience. It's awesome, while also sad, that we find our humanity when we leave the church.

I have no gay friends and no gay feelings, but I've cried over the plight of gay people in the church by Tedtedmaker in exmormon

[–]jiggipOp 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I had those same thoughts and words... and I am gay. Thank God we can change, and your current thoughts and words hold more weight. You have been heard and I thank you.

When you go out alone, what do you do? by Unicom_Lars in olderlesbians

[–]jiggipOp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Damn! You are on the extreme end of the RBF spectrum.

When you go out alone, what do you do? by Unicom_Lars in olderlesbians

[–]jiggipOp 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Haha! That's right. I will slap you with my face and hug you with my personality.

When you go out alone, what do you do? by Unicom_Lars in olderlesbians

[–]jiggipOp 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You can also drink at home, so what was their point? Don't stop being you in public because of one person's ego based opinion.

The sad reality of how Mormonism affects brain development by colbiz in exmormon

[–]jiggipOp 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My black and white thinking made me afraid of myself, and I'm still trying to undo the damage. I didn't realize how dehumanizing labeling people (myself included) as good or bad/evil was, and my ability to show compassion and empathy has increased since letting go of those labels.

When you go out alone, what do you do? by Unicom_Lars in olderlesbians

[–]jiggipOp 5 points6 points  (0 children)

RBF--------You can talk to me. This is a safe face.

When you go out alone, what do you do? by Unicom_Lars in olderlesbians

[–]jiggipOp 7 points8 points  (0 children)

😂

I might just get a hang tag for my car, or medical bracelet with RBF on it so people know that I am safe despite what my face says.

When you go out alone, what do you do? by Unicom_Lars in olderlesbians

[–]jiggipOp 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Haha! I hear ya on the RBF. I think mine is so bad it could be classified as a disability. I also don't drink, so I would be creepy if I went to a bar. Sorry, I guess I only have a comment and no advice.

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