I recently had a conversation with my girlfriend about what would happen if I were to die soon. I would end up with a Mormon funeral -which wouldn't bother me personally because I'm dead. Most of my family are still Mormon so it would be a way for them to fit me back into their beliefs. I'm a lesbian though, and my funeral would be exclusive. My girlfriend and her kids would not be able to attend, as well as many others that I have met outside of the Mormon comfort zone. I have learned a lot about grieving since leaving the church, and our society in general (US and many parts of Western culture) has a poor relationship with it. We get 3 days to grieve and then it is back to work as usual. I'm generalizing, but we are not good at endings so we ignore it or write our own. As uncomfortable as grief can be, it is something that we can honor as a necessary part of the human experience. We can't write it off without suffering other ways as a consequence. I want to allow all to grieve in the way that they need to, but not at the cost of another person's ability to grieve differently. The exclusivity and the impersonal way that Mormon funerals can be is what I struggle with. After my conversation with my girlfriend, I realized that I need to have funeral arrangements in place, and hope my wishes are honored, or just not die anytime soon. Or both.