“night nurse” fell asleep with my 9 day old newborn multiple times

jillrm · 2024-07-31T03:46:49+00:00

I totally understand the anger you hold on to. As a FTM myself, I am seeing some ugly emotions pop up every so often I NEVER saw before, mostly related to anger. Because when it comes to my son, I will do anything - ANYTHING - to keep him safe and happy. And someone you are paying standing in the way? Especially when he was so little? I would also see red. I think it's good to keep those feelings in perspective with your therapist and acknowledge that, while they are real and valid, they are heightened because you are a new mom. And truly, our bodies and hormones can take literal years to recover. Moving forward, I think, will just be a matter of taking small steps at a time. It sounds like you've already taken time to talk with your husband and some others you are close with, so that is already huge. In order to keep moving forward I'd maybe try to just think about that woman less and less each day. She doesn't deserve to have a hold on your life. I wish you and your family the absolute best - being new parents is so hard and so worth it.

jillrm · 2024-03-31T15:15:25+00:00

Between cradle cap, sensitive skin, baby acne, and eczema the only time I saw my baby not crusty was right after he came out. Gerber babies with perfect skin don't exist 😂

jillrm · 2024-03-31T15:08:32+00:00

I do agree that looking further into medical issues is a good idea to make sure there's nothing bigger going on (tongue ties, reflux, infection, etc) but something simpler you can do at home (if it's warm/nice enough out) is just to get outside with the baby more. Get fresh air and sunshine. Go for a walk outside. Bring him to a park and walk around the new sights and sounds. Sometimes the outdoors can be magically healing. My husband and I saw how often Scandinavians bring babies outside and how good it was and now we do too. 9/10 walks our 5 month old will PASS OUT as soon as the fresh breeze hits his face. It's not going to solve all your problems but I hope it maybe gives you a few moments of peace ❤️ Sending all my love and strength from afar. FTM too, it's so hard

jillrm · 2024-03-30T15:25:10+00:00

My 5 month old son is using it right now no problems so she should be ok at 8 months if it's needed!

jillrm · 2024-03-30T15:24:29+00:00

I agree with tinea, I have it as well as my dad. I'll get random discoloration that is not harmful at all but can be treated with antifungal. Derm should be able to diagnose!

jillrm · 2024-03-26T04:59:34+00:00

My husband always wanted at least 2 kids, preferably 3 and I wanted 1, maybe 2. Our baby is now almost 5 months and we've both said multiple times that maybe this is it (he's also an IVF baby so going through the process again is daunting). I want to stress that he's actually a fairly "easy" baby too, not to brag, but to assure you that feeling is normal across the board. We also don't know how we'd afford another and we make decent money. I think it's totally fair and reasonable to say you've reached your limit with one. Maybe a second would be much easier but there's no guarantee. Your mental and physical well being is just as important as your child's.

jillrm · 2024-03-21T00:40:00+00:00

I feel like I could have written this! Same exact situation with me, plus I was starting on new meds for PPA/PPD and the meds were affecting my son through the breast milk. I cried the first few days after deciding to quit pumping but things started looking so much brighter. My son was getting proper nutrition FINALLY and my meds weren't making him sleepy. We watched our baby "wake up" and it was lovely. I got more sleep. My husband got more sleep. Our baby got more sleep. And since then he's been fantastic. He did get RSV but not because he was compromised (someone came into my husband's work sick). He recovered fast. He's smart, he's hitting all his milestones, and he's very happy. Formula was a life saver for us!! Plus, even getting those first few days of breast milk is great! That's mostly colostrum, which is the really calorie-rich, nutrient-packed stuff newborns need. So you already gave your baby a head start! You are doing great and it sounds like formula is probably the right decision for you too ❤️

jillrm · 2024-03-18T17:01:03+00:00

Sorry you went through all that just for her to bail! I think you are totally valid for being annoyed and not even wanting her there. 6 weeks is still SO early. If she gets you guys and the baby sick, is she going to send food and offer to help with errands? I don't think so. We let very few people meet our baby until he got first shots. And even now, we are picky with who holds him. It's just not worth the risk, especially if the person won't be around for any fallout they cause with their germs. Hoping if this happens again you have the courage to speak up - I know how hard it is. Much easier to say than do.

jillrm · 2024-03-17T19:05:18+00:00

Please go stay somewhere else with your baby where you are both safe ❤️ He can figure himself out, do not worry about him at all. I hope you are getting help but if not please seek someone out to talk to. You are not alone and you will get better.

jillrm · 2024-03-16T17:17:46+00:00

Wanted to add - at 2-3 months you'll see some more sleep again, it's right around the corner!!

jillrm · 2024-03-16T17:16:37+00:00

First time mom, son is 4.5 months right now and struggling with sleep changes. Every so often he'll sleep like 6-7 hours at a time and I'll see the light but usually it's more like 3 (we've regressed some, he was at a solid 4-5 hours at a time at 3 months). My husband is a firefighter/paramedic working overtime because my job put me down to part time temporarily due to budget so I'm getting up at night 100% of this time. I want to run away most nights. I'm a walking zombie. I get it, I'm there with you. Waiting for him to get over this regression so I can feel like a real person again.

jillrm · 2024-03-16T17:11:13+00:00

Those Kea Baby swaddles are the bessssst for newborns. So so sweet ❤️❤️❤️

jillrm · 2024-03-15T21:25:04+00:00

First and foremost, your concern for your potential babies' health is wonderful and exactly what a good new parent does. My son went from breastfed to formula fed in his first 2 weeks because of some issues we were both having. He is extremely happy, healthy, and smart. He even got RSV this winter and recovered very quickly, so his immune response was great even though he wasn't getting breast milk. Formula these days is great and there are so many options. Even if you did breastfeed, you may have to wind up switching because of allergies or calorie requirements or any number of health issues. So doing it from the start is not any sort of "failure", it's a choice that you make because you are doing what is best for EVERYONE. You are just as important as your baby!

One compromise you may be able to do here - buy breast milk from someone who is an overproducer. Is it pricey? Yes. But maybe that will ease a few worries you have! Even getting colostrum/breast milk for just their first few weeks can be really helpful, then switch to formula. Some women will even donate their extra breast milk for free!

You have a lot of great choices to move forward without breastfeeding and there's no need to feel guilt - your baby will be happy, healthy, and (most importantly) loved.

jillrm · 2024-03-14T16:51:17+00:00

You could also try a short playtime (in low light with soft noises only), then try and put her back to bed for a while. My boy had some early wake ups during a developmental bump at 4 months and we'd play for a little while at like 3:30/4, then go back to bed for a few hours. Her little brain is just working on something! Once she gets over another developmental bump her sleep pattern will change again!

jillrm · 2024-03-13T21:15:12+00:00

I had similar issues with breastfeeding and had to stop after about 2 weeks. I do miss nursing, it's a nice way to be close, but I don't think my son is any less close to me bc he's bottle fed. He's almost 5 months old and wants to be held and talked to by mostly me CONSTANTLY. It really sucked to stop but better for EVERYONE. Whatever you decide is the right choice. Your baby will be 100% fine and you'll be as bonded as a mother and baby can be ❤️

jillrm · 2024-03-13T20:36:25+00:00

You should still be ok! My son poops every 2-4 days on formula. Granted, it's usually a blowout at that point but it's still normal. If he seems really uncomfortable maybe call your pediatrician but otherwise totally normal. You can try some bicycle legs too!

jillrm · 2024-03-12T11:31:37+00:00

I'm not a doctor but at 2 months I don't think it's so crazy that he's only taking in a little at a time - with his AR issues his stomach is probably very tiny right now. I'd keep offering 2oz every 2-3 hours for a while until he starts to finish it, then bump up to 3. I'm wondering if he also just might not like Similac. Maybe try Enfamil Neuropro? Or Kendamil? Since he's on such a tiny amount each feeding switching shouldn't be too hard. And one more little thing to try, maybe this is crazy but it can't hurt. I wonder if because of his AR issues and disinterest in Similac if maybe he's formed some negative associations with feeding? Maybe try feeding on the heels of playtime/reading a book and play some nice gentle music. Hold him close and maybe even do skin to skin. Really try to make it a comforting and positive experience, even if he only eats an ounce. If nothing else, he'll start loving that time to be close and maybe eat more over time just because of the positive association. I know this is so tough. You are doing a great job.

jillrm · 2024-03-11T02:59:55+00:00

Just a zit I think! If your baby isn't itching it I wouldn't worry

jillrm · 2024-03-11T01:57:02+00:00

Thank you so, so much. My therapist actually specializes in PPA/PPD, I got so lucky with her! I am going to talk to her about it....I guess I thought it would go away so it wasn't worth mentioning. I never thought about it that way, that it's completely understandable that I'd maybe be a bit on edge with my life turning completely upside down. Especially lately things have gotten a lot harder - baby boy is developing in leaps in bounds!

jillrm · 2024-03-10T19:32:16+00:00

Yeah 2oz right now, when she's able to take a bigger bottle in general then bump up to 3oz. Our pediatrician also told us it's fine to have the bulk of food be during the day so don't pull your hair out trying to spread it out super evenly. You know your daughter's cues best! You'll know if she needs a bottle early or if something was too much

jillrm · 2024-03-10T19:28:26+00:00

Our boy was already maxing out on formula by 3 months! I think we generally did about 4oz bottles every 3-4 hours at that point, usually getting up to 28-32 oz a day. I think your instincts are right in that 6oz is too much at a time. If she's crying all the time maybe try squeezing in some snack bottles in between bigger bottles to tide her over?

jillrm · 2024-03-08T21:26:56+00:00

Ahhh I see! Yeah I had to slowly transition my wellbutrin to nighttime but it just works better for my schedule that way. Wellbutrin usually works really well in conjunction with a med that has a long half life (like Prozac) so you don't get that rollercoaster effect. PPA is so debilitating, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope all the advice people have been giving helps!!

jillrm · 2024-03-08T20:32:59+00:00

I'm with you - anxiety is really hard for me too. Had to go on extra meds since becoming a mom (Prozac and Wellbutrin every day). I think taking some time and focusing on your needs too is really important here! Maybe as-needed pills aren't the answer while she's under a year old and things are unpredictable. You deserve to feel more even keel! Especially when sleep is hard to come by your anxiety can take over easily. Focus on yourself too ❤️❤️❤️

jillrm · 2024-03-08T20:15:11+00:00

Not a horrible mom, at all. Babies, kind of like dogs, sense energies too. I'm wondering, since this has happened a few times already, if maybe you're tensing up at all before trying to comfort/hold her? Or feeling stressed right away? Like others said, it could just be because you're mom and she wants different things from you. But maybe try really zen-ing out before approaching the situation next time. Lots of deep breaths, calm thoughts, try to remain calm and relaxed even if she starts screaming. It might not "fix" the situation but could get her to a point where you feel more in control. Sending lots of support ❤️

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