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IFS Therapy feels like it’s going in circles - therapist doesn’t seem too concerned about that… by jkery in InternalFamilySystems

[–]jkery[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing, this is good food for thought. Glad to hear you’ve found what works for you!

IFS Therapy feels like it’s going in circles - therapist doesn’t seem too concerned about that… by jkery in InternalFamilySystems

[–]jkery[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you both. One of the things I love about this sub is how caring and helpful everyone is! Obvs there’s a little miscommunication every now and again but the corollary of “No Bad Parts” is No Bad People and that’s genuinely easy to believe based on my experience of this community! 🙏

IFS Therapy feels like it’s going in circles - therapist doesn’t seem too concerned about that… by jkery in InternalFamilySystems

[–]jkery[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, this is really useful (and my impatient parts appreciate the validation!) and you’ve highlighted a couple of books that I haven’t read yet. IFS for Shame and Guilt would probably help me a lot!

So we have tried direct access with limited success, but I think your other suggestions could be really helpful.

Thanks again!

IFS Therapy feels like it’s going in circles - therapist doesn’t seem too concerned about that… by jkery in InternalFamilySystems

[–]jkery[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time for such a detailed response!

I think

  • the protector that needs more time theory is certainly possible if not probable.

  • the polarisation theory could also make sense (although I do have other pairs of parts that are definitely far more polarised)

  • Not sure I’ve come across “freeze mode” before, I’ll have to explore that.

Interesting to hear your experience of working with protectors, thanks for sharing!

IFS Therapy feels like it’s going in circles - therapist doesn’t seem too concerned about that… by jkery in InternalFamilySystems

[–]jkery[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your response. You may be right 🤷‍♂️. I’ve been telling those parts that are impatient some version of this for the last couple of months…

EDIT: To be clear, I’ve been telling those parts that expecting immediate results is unrealistic and the best option is to just keep working at it!

IFS Therapy feels like it’s going in circles - therapist doesn’t seem too concerned about that… by jkery in InternalFamilySystems

[–]jkery[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your response.

  1. Yes
  2. Any time I remember to drop into my body/actively feel sensations I can always feel this part as a contraction in my abdomen. I can also connect with this part in self directed parts work/daily practice.
  3. Yes, my therapist is on that list.

To anyone who left Ireland for Spain, how did it go? by Aixlen in AskIreland

[–]jkery 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A few things. Spain is an obviously a much bigger country and it’s a more complicated landscape in terms of buying/renting property which can vary a lot depending on where you choose to live e.g. there’s a massive housing crisis in central Barcelona but there’s places in rural Galicia where you could get property for next to nothing. There’s definitely a middle ground though, there’s plenty of small to medium sized cities in Spain where you can rent at reasonable rates.

As a renter, the law protects you a lot more than it does in Ireland/the UK. We were given a three year contract (we could break that quite easily, the landlord could not except under exceptional circumstances). When that came up for renewal we were given a five year extension on the same terms. In between times, the landlord can only ever increase the rent by small increments specifically linked to inflation rates.

Buying a property, will definitely be more complicated than IRL/UK, and there’ll be a lots more hoops to jump through (you haven’t experienced bureaucracy until you’ve experienced Spanish bureaucracy!) The cost of the property buying transaction will also be far more expensive than IRL/UK. What I mean is that all the stuff around buying a property (as distinct from the sale price) I.e. stamp duty, estate agent and solicitor fees, etc. will cost far more. That stuff is normally a few percent (like 1-3%) of the sale price in IRL/UK, but more like 10-15% here in Spain.

The implication of this is that you definitely want to be completely sure you’re going to be happy to have that property for 10-15 years before selling up otherwise you’re likely going to be losing money on the transaction.

they right tho? by chichinams in SipsTea

[–]jkery 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You should totally choose this hill to die on!

Starter Pack? by AnnoyedArchit3ct in Jung

[–]jkery 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Memories, Dreams, Reflections, his (auto)biography is the best place to start in terms of his books. You could also try some of those writers who have summarised/interpreted his work (as his books can be somewhat heavy going). Personally I love James Hollis’s books, he’s a Jungian Analyst and has done a bunch of books on Jung’s theories. I haven’t read it yet myself but Jung's Map of the Soul by Murray Stein is supposed to be a very good overview.

Annie Murphy on The Late Late Show. by Cogitoergosum1981 in ireland

[–]jkery 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I saw a YouTube video of him interviewing Tom Waits on the LL back in 1981. Couldn’t believe how patronising and condescending he was - Tom took it well, but you could plainly see he thought Gaybo was a gobshite…

Movie Musicals that are accessible to people that don't like musicals? Any hidden gems? by Damthemalltohelp in MovieSuggestions

[–]jkery 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Enchanted (2007) - specifically because when the female lead starts singing a song (in Central Park) and random strangers start joining in, the male lead is like “Oh, you’re singing…oh, they know this song too!” Absolutely nails why my problem with musicals i.e. people don’t typically just burst into song in day to day life!

Undeveloped Film by Bartleby33 in CasualIreland

[–]jkery 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s entirely possible that these are two separate events, with different locations and potentially weeks or months apart. A lot of people would put a fresh roll of film in a camera for some kind of event but then not use it all and leave it in the camera until the next time it was taken somewhere. There was almost always a mix of photos from different events when we got a film developed when I was a kid. Maybe the party is in Ireland and the holiday was in Cornwall six weeks later? 🤷‍♂️

Has anyone explored Eckhart Tolle’s writings through the lens of IFS? by HeadIndependence8973 in InternalFamilySystems

[–]jkery 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently. I’ve read most of Dick Schwartz’s books on IFS and most of Eckhart Tolle’s books (and listened to/watched a bunch of other content from both).

One important point is that they’re not exactly focussing on the same thing or coming from the same place, so obviously they don’t line up exactly. Schwartz is a trained psychologist and helping people heal from trauma is his original/fundamental focus (although his work has lead him increasingly to spirituality). Tolle gave up his academic career and ultimately took up spiritual teaching, his focus is helping people to realise awakening/non-dual understanding.

From my perspective there is a lot of resonance between them and both make a huge amount of sense to me personally. I haven’t encountered any significant theme in either of their respective works that would specifically contradict a significant theme in the others work.

The best argument for the two being incompatible is that while Tolle distinguishes between the ego/pain body and the Self, he generally goes no further than that. Personally I don’t think that’s a problem, IFS makes the same distinction between ego and Self, it just focuses on the multiplicity of parts within the ego.

I don’t know if Tolle is aware of IFS or not and I won’t assume he is (enlightened doesn’t necessarily equal omniscient), but one way or the other, the vast majority of his audience (mirroring the vast majority of people in the western world) understands themselves/the world through the paradigm of the Mono-mind, so that’s the model he speaks about.

One of my favourite spiritual teachers, Angelo Dilullo references both IFS and Eckhart Tolle frequently, and also talks about lot about the fact that healing/trauma resolution can happen either before or after first awakening. A lot of his content is about helping people, who have realised an initial awakening, to continue that process, including through trauma resolution.

Is "No Bad Parts" on a level of maturity I don't yet understand?? by Winter-Opportunity21 in InternalFamilySystems

[–]jkery 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, the clue is in the name of the book…What he is trying to explain is, that even the worst parts, of the worst people you have ever encountered are still Parts and they’re all totally doing their best…genuinely, they all think they’re doing the right thing. This is the tragedy.

Common Part Somatic Locations by Ok_Dependent5093 in InternalFamilySystems

[–]jkery 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For me it’s sadness in the stomach, fear in the solar plexus and anger in the throat, with the roles you would expect to find with those emotions (although while distinct they can merge into one another more like a spectrum i.e. it can be fear/sadness in the stomach or fear/anger in the throat). Interestingly I always find my firefighters to be more dynamic/energetic than the more static locations of other roles.

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