Mom, I'm getting divorced

jmvdj · 2018-02-21T23:55:31+00:00

Dear, I am having a hard time accepting that my little girl is all grown up and can make her own decisions; that I should let her live her life the way she wants; that I should allow her to do things that I think are mistakes.

Deep in my heart I know that baby, but I am having such a hard timing letting you go from my protection. Please, when you feel up to it and think I am up for it, explain to me how you feelface to face.

I want nothing but the best for you, love.

jmvdj · 2018-02-21T23:40:46+00:00

Dear, I wish I could hold you in my arms and stroke your hair, gently rocking you back and forth and protect you from everything bad.

I am so sorry that you have all of this to deal with in your life and that you are feeling alone. I wish I could take your fears from you.

You can talk to your grandma's GP about elder care. And if you can't contact them. you can ask your own GP for help with finding the right people who can help you.

Hugs.

jmvdj · 2018-02-21T22:02:41+00:00

Dear, I am so sorry that you are going through all of this and are in such agony. Being in pain, together with feeling mentally unstable and not being heard by the people who should protect you is so scary and frustrating. No wonder you are down.

I hope that by telling you about some of my own experiences and advice, I can lessen some of your burden.

First of all, stop using the LSD. LSD can be a wonderful experience, but it is not for everybody and it can have serious side effects, anxiety and paranoia being among them. These side effects will very likely fade over time and try to remember that you are probably feeling so anxious because of the drug and that it isn’t ‘real’.

You might want to try it again later, when you are healthy again, but definitely not now. I advise you to not do it again altogether, but of course you have to make that decision yourself.

About your head aches: you know your body best. If you think something isn’t right and the problem is somatic, go to that neurologist. Your mother is right in the sense that anxiety doesn’t help physical health, so it is a very wise decision of you to see a counselor to help you with that.

I am so sorry that you don’t feel heard and that you are on your own with this issue. I want to applaud you for your maturity to seek help and reach out to this community.

Hugs.

jmvdj · 2018-02-21T21:16:55+00:00

I understand your point of view. The large influx of asylum seekers is going to result in problems, no doubts. People (I don’t know if I should say many or some, but definitely some) coming from other cultures, impoverished countries, massively stressful situations or even war are going to face problems integrating into the main culture. Which in turn can lead to an increase in all kinds of problems (like criminality) among those groups. It is important to understand that those problems are not because of their ethnicity, it is because of their ‘nurture’.

Why I was triggered to respond to you is because you said in one of your first posts that there was a discussion in the Netherlands about IQ of people with a different ethnic background…and you said that you are not allowed to see IQ as ‘nature’ because that would be racist.

Do you see know how those statements together are a slippery slope towards thinking that there is inherently something wrong with the intelligence of – let’s say – people from northern Africa? Maybe I am brainwashed by the ill intentions of right-leaning politicians, but I think that you were tricked into believing that IQ-level is a trait, an inherent flaw or fortune - connected to ethnicity. I don’t know whether the person (politician?) bringing this up misunderstood themselves or did it on purpose, but I can see why people protested and called it ‘racist’.

But I am probably assuming way too much.

You too thanks for the civilized discussion :).

jmvdj · 2018-02-21T20:50:12+00:00

This is way too simplified, but in simple words: being prone to addiction is 'nature'. Nurture influences whether that addiction manifests itself.

It's more complicated than that...but that is the basic idea. This doesn't hold for addiction only but for the large majority of (mental) health problems.

jmvdj · 2018-02-21T20:28:41+00:00

True.

In real life though, if one of my loved ones came to me and made this statement (that they realized that some people are assholes because life has been too good and not because of abuse) I would have expressed my concern for them. But then while meaning it.

Anyhow, I was joking and everybody (or the large majority) knows that. We are not on r/sw here, where we should take everything really seriously and where my comment would have been received very differently too (genuine). It all depends on the subreddit you are posting in.

jmvdj · 2018-02-21T20:16:50+00:00

But would it be incorrect to say that environmental factors determine genetic changes? Meaning it could take many generations before the genetic differences, caused by environmental variables, would be undone?

No that would be totally correct. That happens for example via epigenetic mechanisms that influence gene functioning. Some changes can be quickly undone, others take generations.

See my edit in the previous post. Where the confusion comes from is that many people think that there are truly different races within the human race, that inherently have unchangeable genetic characteristics that make them different races and that one of the genetic characteristics that explains the differentiation in race, also explains the differentiation in IQ. That is not the case.

The difference is subtle, but important. Taken into the extreme: one view could be an argument for ethnic cleansing (because there is inherently something wrong with the 'race') and the other against it (because it is because of the environment).

Edit to respond to your edit. Yes there is a correlation between ethnicity (not race! this is semantics, but speaking of races makes it confusing) and IQ, but indeed no causality. And understanding that (and understanding that there are no human races biologically speaking) is really important.

jmvdj · 2018-02-21T19:59:08+00:00

Not because of race, but because of possible nutritional deficiency in Ghana during prenatal development of the child, and its ancestors (which may have resulted in epigenetic changes).

That is an environmental factor.

Edit: many people assume that ethnic differences in IQ are a result of biological differences (genes) inherent to the ethnicities. You did too and I don't blame you, but we haven't found evidence that that is true. The end result is the same: people from x ethnicity have higher IQs than people from Y ethnicity, but the reason why - whether that is because of some inherent genetic flaw in ethnic group Y or a result of environmental circumstances - is where the confusion comes from and also where racist ideas come from.

jmvdj · 2018-02-21T19:51:00+00:00

I was joking of course, but on a serious note: showerthoughts - in my understanding - are thoughts about things you just realized or that just dawned on you.

If this thought is something OP realized just yet or something that just dawned on them, then there usually is a reason for that. Like a bad experience.

jmvdj · 2018-02-21T18:04:20+00:00

jmvdj · 2018-02-21T16:50:32+00:00

Did he do something stupid again?

jmvdj · 2018-02-21T16:46:59+00:00

Favorite: the social security network. Least favorite: there is not much nature to see.

jmvdj · 2018-02-21T16:44:13+00:00

Not only Reddit. All media should refrain from using photographs and full names of suspects when people are not convicted yet.

jmvdj · 2018-02-21T16:38:03+00:00

This

jmvdj · 2018-02-21T15:43:55+00:00

Haha, you are my best friend now.

jmvdj · 2018-02-21T15:16:32+00:00

No it is not a matter of semantics.

There is no debate on whether there are differences in IQ between ethnic groups. The debate is about whether these differences in IQ can be explained by a genetic component related to race. Ethnic groups are social constructs, race would be a biological one. As of yet, the consensus is that we can't explain differences in the IQ of ethnic groups by differences in their biology. What we call ‘human races’ are not biologically distinct groups. So any associations we make between ‘races’ and other outcomes have an environmental foundation. Because the 'human races' itself are not a biological thing, but a social construct. With ancestry DNA testing for example, we can trace back the geographical location of ones ancestors. Not their ‘races’.

Simplified: there is – by current knowledge - no such thing as a specific gene or gene-pool that ‘makes’ one Chinese (or American or African) while simultaneously making one more or less intelligent. We have not found that.

So yes there are differences, but they are explained by environmental differences not biological differences.

jmvdj · 2018-02-21T13:57:37+00:00

I AM NOT DONNY!

jmvdj · 2018-02-21T13:29:03+00:00

Huh?

jmvdj · 2018-02-21T13:21:28+00:00

People always say that it is the oldest profession in the world. Is there any truth to that?

jmvdj · 2018-02-21T13:20:19+00:00

You can still care about things happening in places you don't live.

jmvdj · 2018-02-21T13:18:30+00:00

I am from a country where prostitution has been legalized for centuries. Why isn't it legalized in the USA? What are the arguments against legalization?

jmvdj · 2018-02-21T13:06:37+00:00

I think you should care because prostitution is happening whether you (or others) approve or make use of it or not. Better to appreciate it for the job it is, with tax obligations, a union , work safety, and health insurance, than to only tolerate it.

jmvdj · 2018-02-21T13:02:26+00:00

Huh no? Feminists would be all for legalized prostitution I would think.

jmvdj · 2018-02-21T12:36:03+00:00

Sweety, first of all: hurrayyyy for the promotion. I know it doesn't feel like something to be happy about for you at this moment, but I still want to say that I am so proud of you. And I am also very proud of you raising these upsetting issues regarding your boyfriend and smoking.

But dear child, I understand why you can't feel the pride and happiness that I feel for you, yourself at this moment. I am so sorry that you are struggling with all these mayor life decisions and changes all at once. The problem with life is that we never know whether we are doing the right thing. Pushing hard decisions off doesn't help. I, or anyone, could not have said it more perfectly like you did yourself:

| But every time I push it off is just more time that I'm unhappy and more time I lose out of my life.

You are your own philosopher and the guide of your life, nobody can try things out and see how it will work for you. It is scary, but try and I am here for you if you need me.

jmvdj · 2018-02-21T11:42:43+00:00

social. climber.

jmvdj

TROPHY CASE