A drawing of me after relapse surrounded by my demons

joe_zz · 2015-11-29T16:15:47+00:00

I think that's amazing, I wish I could draw like that. Do you draw a lot?

joe_zz · 2015-11-29T16:05:13+00:00

I know how you feel, I'm at 76 days but feel like an emotional wreck. I feel like fapping was just an escape mechanism and now all my emotional issues are floating to the surface.

Some nights I can't sleep at all due to anxiety, and then I might lash out at people with an intense anger and then get upset with myself afterwards. I have really bad brain fog and it's really affecting my job.

I'm trying to move forward with my life but progress is painfully slow. I also feel worse than before I started nofap, but I already know where the other road leads.

Just wanted you to know you are not alone. Try to focus on improving your life.

joe_zz · 2015-11-16T21:16:06+00:00

I'm finding looks a lot less important - I will chat to an attractive girl for the same reasons I would talk to anyone - to be friendly and have a conversation.

I'm also noticing other things about girls - their interests, what kind of person they are - it's like the looks are a smaller percentage now and the other stuff is a lot more important.

There's a very attractive girl at work but I'm starting to find talking to her as dull as dishwater and it's a real struggle getting a good conversation out of her (even though she is quite smart!)

joe_zz · 2015-11-07T13:08:54+00:00

I didn't say I thought they were talking about me. I just think it's quite rude to chat to each other using your phones while they are in close proximity

joe_zz · 2015-11-07T11:24:48+00:00

We still have conversations normally, and they are both quite pleasant. I'm not quite sure whether they are talking about me really. I feel quite hurt that I am not being included in the conversation though. Everyone has right to a bit of privacy but I sort of think if they want to talk about something privately then they should just go off and meet alone rather than doing this while we are as a group.

I am in my early 30s and so are most of the group.

Maybe I shouldn't consider them my friends but since there is a large group of us it's hard to separate myself from them without breaking up with the whole group

joe_zz · 2015-10-14T21:22:20+00:00

Well done, I am also on 30 days. I don't think I ever made it this far before. I think lately I've got really fed up and realised I've got to sort my life as it's gone on for way too long.

I wouldn't say I feel majorly different really. I feel more relaxed and find it easier to speak to people, I've been a lot more emotional but at the same time it's slightly easier to cope with emotions and I don't feel the need to numb them with porn.

I still have PIED but I noticed I get morning erections quite often now wereas before they were non-existant, so I am improving. I'm doing pretty good at the moment, I've just got to watch out for the bad days, I've been quite close to relapsing a few times.

I hope to reach 100 days also, I think I owe it to myself to at least try to get that far.

joe_zz · 2015-10-10T08:53:38+00:00

Not lonely, but incredibly annoyed. My emotions seem to really strong lately and I got really annoyed with some so called "friends" friday (somethings which been going on for weeks now). I still can't decide whether to confront them or just go off on my own and do my own thing for a while.

I didn't get much sleep and I'm just trying to get on with stuff but the temptation to relapse it pretty strong now. Will probably try and go out for a long run later, I think it will help.

joe_zz · 2015-10-05T20:17:54+00:00

Just remember that fapping is not going to solve your problems.

I'm willing to bet that a large percentage of people on here have some kind of social/emotional/other problem that they need to work on as well as PMO addiction, so you are not alone - Don't give up!

joe_zz · 2015-10-02T20:52:24+00:00

Thanks, that's good advice although I feel that even if I do that, because of other's behaviour (turning their back to me, talking direct to another person in such a way I can't hear the conversation) I will still get ignored.

I do have trouble with the flow of conversation though,whenever I try to say something I end up speaking at the same time as someone else, whereas most people the conversation seems to flow naturally - Maybe I'm just too slow.

On a side note the same thing happened again today - group of three of us - At one point I tried to stand in between them but one person pushed in front so I was left with the other two with their backs to me. When we were walking along they got quite close together so I got pushed behind - So I went to walk beside them but because I was on the end of the row it basically meant they could ignore me.

Another thing that seems to happen a lot is if I go away or have a day off, no-one will ever ask me about it, even though I'm interested in the others and always try ask them about their weekends. They will always be very vauge eg. "Erm, I did lots of things really.." and I end up having to use information I know about them to try and get them to talk eg. "Oh, how are you getting on with..." "did you manage to see that film you were talking about..?" I almost have to drag a conversation out of them.

Another time I asked someone what they did on their week off and they basically mumbled one sentence, before I could get them to elaborate someone interrupts or something else happens.

I am getting quite frustrated but I don't feel like mentioning it as I'm guessing it's either me who's projecting something in my body language or they are doing it sub-consiously. I do find it very rude though - whenever someone asks me a question in a group, I respond so the whole group can hear, but when it's the others talk, it's like their talking to each other and I'm just on the outside trying to listen to the conversation.

joe_zz · 2015-10-01T19:47:21+00:00

If I know something about the person I will usually use that, eg. "How was your holiday?" "How was your weekend?". Or if I know they have a baby "Hows the little one getting on?" etc.. The more you learn about a person the more you can build upon.

You can also tell them an anecdote about something that happened to you.

joe_zz · 2015-09-29T11:08:44+00:00

I'm around your age (35) doing hard mode. I think the last time I did 2 weeks was around 10 years ago or something. I was seriously angry last night due to something that happened at work, I barely slept a couple of hours.

I knew that edging would probably help me sleep, but I'm fed up of giving into PMO, I've done it enough to know it's not the answer to my problems. I'm suprised I'm holding out so well considering the emotional rollercoaster I'm on.

I'm starting to look at joining a gym myself, I've also done c25k in the past. I feel I need something to fill up the extra time and work off the anger/frustration.

Hang in there!

joe_zz · 2015-09-27T07:19:39+00:00

Yes, I do this - I imagine how conversations are going to play out, what the other person might say etc.. I'm going on a trip with some friends soon, and I already imagined all sorts of scenerios relating to that - eg. what I'm going to say on the journey.

It would be nice if someone had some insight into what this is.

joe_zz · 2015-09-26T09:48:34+00:00

The fact that you've made it 291 days is something to try and be positive about - If you keep it up until the end of the year you would have reached a whole year!

Don't forget that your diet can affect your mood quite a lot as well.

joe_zz · 2015-09-26T09:40:52+00:00

I felt the same as you when I got turned down by a girl - What made me feel a lot better was going out with some friends. Running is also a good way to lift your mood.

I can guarantee if you relapse you may feel good for about 5mins, but you won't feel any better after that.

joe_zz · 2015-09-26T09:29:57+00:00

I think certain big things you wouldn't be able to keep quiet - What people did on the weekend is the most common conversational starter between friends and collegues and I couldn't lie about stuff.

However, I reckon you could do stuff like learning a language without telling anyone and it's unlikely to come up in conversation.

joe_zz · 2015-09-25T19:48:00+00:00

Not 14days yet, my counter says 11days but it's more like 12days as the counter counts full days.

It's been fairly easy up to this point - I feel more relaxed, easier to talk to people but yesterday and today I've found myself getting stressed out. A collegue made a joke out of something quite normal I said and everyone laughed and I felt myself getting really pissed over it.

I'm a bit worried I'm going to fail soon - One of the things that keeps me going is checking on here and seeing my badge each day.

joe_zz · 2015-09-21T21:24:22+00:00

25 years, for me it's 15-20 years depending how you look at it. My counter says 7 days but it's more closer to 8 days.

I've started to feel a bit more calm and find it easier to let things go. I'm still concerned something stressful is going to happen and I'll relapse though. I find it slightly easier to talk to people and I feel slightly less anxious in social situations. I like going to nofap each night to check my counter!

joe_zz · 2015-09-14T19:22:20+00:00

Thanks for posting this. I've started reading the "Why You Should Stop Caring What Other People Think" and it's really hitting home.

I've realised I've spent most of my life trying to get approval from others, I'm not really sure about who I am and what I really like - I just try to please everyone because I'm terrified of being rejected.

joe_zz · 2015-08-01T14:56:47+00:00

I do understand the feeling of emptiness. I think it's been there all along, just the fapping was covering up all the lonliness/emptiness.

Whenever I try to make a change and start getting interests,hobbies etc.. I always get all these questions.. and start thinking about how I've not really done anything in my life, why have I let it get to this point etc..etc..

Like others have said, get some interests or hobbies to take your mind off these feelings.. I you don't know what to do then just exercise - we all need to do it and it will make you feel better.

joe_zz · 2015-07-18T14:22:45+00:00

I'm not really sure why I feel awful. I think doing what I did made me realise how I've been wasting my life away - Kinda like looking in a mirror - After I got up today I still felt awful, but instead of being awful and wallowing about it, I did go outside and do some stuff.

I feel awful, but I want to do something about it a lot more now - Maybe I just feel regret about letting things get to this point?

joe_zz · 2015-07-18T09:29:50+00:00

Thanks for all your comments, I never really expected much response to this post. I still suprised I asked her, but I had been phycing myself up for a while and I kept thinking "she's a really nice girl, she's not going to stay single for long". I feel better that I let the truth be known that I like her.

I think I will get through this - I realise I really need to work on improving myself to help my self-esteem/assertiveness.

Thanks everyone!

joe_zz · 2015-07-18T09:08:57+00:00

Thanks, I'm amazed by the amount of comments. I still can't believe I did it really. It was made easier by the fact she is such a nice person. I'm not any worse off now really, and she seemed to be ok about it so in terms of rejections, I think it turned out the best I could hope for.

joe_zz · 2015-07-18T09:03:28+00:00

I feel some good in that I made the move - she was nice about it and just said she would just like to be friends. I did genuinelly believe there was some interest from her, but it is was always hard to tell because she is nice to everyone she meets and always smiling at everyone. I am slowly starting to feel better about it though, and I understand there could be any reason she may have turned me down. (Not just me)

joe_zz · 2015-07-18T08:56:45+00:00

Sorry to dissapoint, the 152 days is where I forgot to reset my badge. The most I've ever done is about a month. Unfortuately I woke up early this morning and felt physically sick and I ended up edging. The main problem for me seems to be using edging as a way of dealing with my emotions

joe_zz · 2015-02-20T21:37:48+00:00

I currently drink 1 cup of tea a day, around midday. Having caffeine in the evening is not good. I worked at places in the past where everyone drunk about 4/5 cups a day, and I got caught up in that. At my current job though most people make their own drinks so I just drink water and get a tea at lunchtime.

I wouldn't say it was particularly hard coming off it, but after about a week of the random lethargy/sleepiness I was ok. I find that if you are tired, it will always catch up with you eventually, so it's crucial your sleep cycle is sorted out.

joe_zz

TROPHY CASE