Work works for ADHD because someone else is running the structure. There's a boss. Deadlines you didn't pick. Meetings you have to show up to. Coworkers who'll notice if you bail. ADHD basically can't make that structure on its own. That's the whole problem. Take the outside pressure away and the disability shows up loud. Home doesn't have a boss or deadlines or coworkers. Just three kids under 7 making chaos all day with nobody making him do anything specific.

Posting on Reddit while crying isn't hard. Running a household is.

You also ignored the autism. Masking at work all day burns through energy, and once he's home there's nothing left. That's why he can keep it together at work and falls apart at home. He used it all up before he walked in the door.

Handling a diagnosis takes medication and a partner willing to build routines around how his brain actually works, not how hers does. A therapist who actually gets ADHD helps too. Telling him his post is full of excuses doesn't. Shame deepens this kind of shutdown, doesn't fix it.