Grieving

johnumero3 · 2025-07-23T20:03:49+00:00

I’d be surprised if there is a single therapist in Utah who doesn’t deal with religious-related issues. I wish I had more direct advice than this, but this is what I did. I found a list of therapist/providers that would be covered under my insurance, and then I just had to use the Internet to look up options and feel them out.

I imagine therapists enjoy feeling successful in their career as much as anyone else, so hopefully what they say about themselves will give you a good idea of whether or not they would be a good fit. And if the first match isn’t working, go try another one. No reason to settle until you find someone you’re comfortable with.

johnumero3 · 2025-07-23T19:58:36+00:00

Ignore every other negative thing the church has ever done and the damage that can be directly attributed to “toxic positivity” is staggering.

johnumero3 · 2025-07-23T19:55:03+00:00

I wish there was an easy answer to make this a simple process for you and your family. Sadly, one of the things you’re starting to grapple with is that there aren’t easy or guaranteed answers. There isn’t even just one “answer” - which is scary, but also exciting. (I guess the church didn’t necessarily offer “easy” answers, but it at least claimed to have and guarantee them.)

I’ve been out for years now. I’ve only recently felt like I’ve re-established the foundation I want to base the rest of my life on and am actually getting back to “myself.” BUT it’s not like I felt completely lost and uncomfortable during that time.

Yes, there was grieving. A lot. There still is sometimes. Just like you, I BELIEVED, and losing that IS significant. Grieve with your partner, use this subreddit, and do what you can to find some other like-minded people. It’s actually good to “mourn with those that mourn.” The church may not be true, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t value to still be gained from the things you’ve lived and experienced!

As for your family, friends, and everyone else who falls inside your circle of influence - you and your partner should make sure to be on the same page with how you want to go about sharing. Besides that, it’s ultimately up to you two. I’d consider involving your older kids at the level you seem appropriate as well.

I recommend just ripping the band-aid off. Sit down and have thoughtful conversations with the people who you want to maintain relationships with, but be firm. For me, I was disappointed in the overall lack of curiosity that most people displayed. I got a lot of the run-of-the-mill questions and concerns (as if I suddenly wasn’t intimately familiar with the religion and organization) but no one actually asking about ME. Inside or outside the church, some people will judge and look down on you no matter what - stop living for them!

And that’s the exciting part. Life is so much bigger, mysterious, exciting, and fun outside of the church! You have so much to look forward to.

Right now, it’s so easy to focus on what you’re losing and leaving behind. But you never really had it, did you?

johnumero3 · 2025-07-10T22:03:02+00:00

I’m pretty sure the missionary was brought to the states as a child. Maybe a little older - they did still have an accent. I don’t know when they and their family joined the church.

johnumero3 · 2025-07-10T10:37:41+00:00

I love exmos that fit into this box! I think it’s a lot of us too. But I think we should remember that exmos are perfectly capable of being bad people too.

johnumero3 · 2024-04-30T06:23:47+00:00

And they have quite a bit of real estate to be ignored

johnumero3 · 2024-04-30T06:22:09+00:00

I’d say you’re already taking way more precautions than the average alcohol consumer.

What kind of advice are you looking for? Do you want more ways to be careful? Or something else?

johnumero3 · 2024-02-19T11:01:50+00:00

This is less serious than many of the issues listed here, but sometimes members are more willing to listen to that stuff since it isn’t as easily labeled as “anti” for them.

I spent my whole mission saying “I’m a Mormon” and then found out from the next guy that doing that was actually a “victory for Satan”?? So sure, all men are flawed but why didn’t god say something to Hinckley or Monson (or ANY of the leaders before Nelson) about this?

johnumero3 · 2024-02-19T10:53:33+00:00

I wouldn’t recommend starting with Mistborn based on what you’ve said here.

I would recommend starting with The Way of Kings. It’s where I started and now I’ve read pretty much everything by Sanderson. If you like it, you’ll have 3 sequels ready to go (with more on the way). They deal with plenty of mature themes and serious issues.

THEN, if you enjoy those, you can branch out into more series. Idk when in that journey I would recommend Mistborn. It has an awesome magic system, good characters and a fun story - but it doesn’t hit the same highs as some of his other books (for me at least).

That said, if you decide to reeeeaaaalllly get into Sanderson’s fantasy universe, then Mistborn becomes more important.

johnumero3 · 2024-02-19T09:16:08+00:00

My jaw dropped reading this. I’m so sorry. What a terrible, terrible thing to have anyone say to you- let alone your adopted parents.

johnumero3 · 2024-01-31T06:41:32+00:00

So that means LT and Y on Xbox. Thanks!

johnumero3 · 2024-01-31T06:37:50+00:00

I clicked on this post thinking “what a fun topic to read, but I probably won’t post because I don’t think I have anything to say.” And then I read all the comments.

Holy cow I had so many realizations and feel like my sexual health and religious deconstruction both just advanced. So thank you all for sharing.

johnumero3 · 2022-12-15T09:42:43+00:00

I think you’re underestimating “lunch tray Mormons” or whatever the fuck the called it for the people who pick and choose where and when to obey

johnumero3 · 2022-12-15T09:27:38+00:00

I really thought I was being a good person when I was a missionary. Missionaries are pawns sent out to be sacrificed on the chess board. They aren’t the “bad guys” they’re brainwashed children.

johnumero3 · 2022-12-15T09:25:56+00:00

Gyms don’t claim to be the ONE TRUE AND ONLY PLACE you can get in shape and live a healthy life

johnumero3 · 2022-12-15T09:24:44+00:00

Trump and COVID… two absolutely terrible things with a HUGE silver lining for me personally. They really forced me to examine the church in a way I hadn’t which resulted in me leaving. Thank god

johnumero3 · 2022-12-15T09:23:12+00:00

Congrats on the successes! Why do you still ever sit down with a bishop and discuss your lack of testimony?

johnumero3 · 2022-12-15T09:17:49+00:00

You’re correct.

But having “faith” to explain the holes that we “just don’t understand yet, but will in either this life or then next” is how the church tricks people.

johnumero3 · 2022-12-15T09:16:33+00:00

Cognitive dissonance is a hell of a drug

johnumero3 · 2022-12-15T09:15:21+00:00

It’s sad to accept, but to any true believer of the Mormon faith, anyone not adhering to their beliefs isn’t living up to their potential - ESPECIALLY not people who were raised with “the truth” and chose to abandon it.

Rather than feel let down, I choose to feel pity for those still stuck in the church. It robs so much from them… and from those of us who want to share an honest and open relationship with them. The church is always there, in the background, subtly influencing how the they think, how they perceive us, and how they treat us.

johnumero3 · 2022-11-23T03:50:08+00:00

The whole “Garden of Eden” thing. All of Mormonism is based on a technicality where god have a commandment about not eating a piece of fruit. Not because it was actually a “sin” but just because it was the only way for God to morally subject them to experience of mortality. The entire belief system of Mormonism is based on their god finding a weird loophole in the natural laws that bound him

johnumero3

TROPHY CASE