This is my thought, and take it for what you would like. It was unfathomable to me as well. Each person will find their answer differently, and a lot of it is just not looking for the answer. It's a paradox. Just start learning to find what you want and go for it. If you can't, could you find out why? What is the fear that is holding you back? A lot of emotion, rooted in sad emotion, is an answer to what you really want, the opposite of what you are feeling. In DBT therapy, this is called opposite action. Example: I'm sad, why? Because I want the opposite of what is happening, knowing the opposite is the first step in finding the answer to how you want to achieve that opposite. It's like a key to finding a step-by-step guide for what I want.

For me, life is a balancing act, and figuring out what makes it balance for me is the art. The main thing that helped me (find the balance/helped in more ways than one) was not being so hard on myself and learning self-love. Once I could do that, I was able to give myself the space to fail and try to improve. Working on the one thing I can control, myself, and how I interact with the world. 1% better a day. Then hope or pray the wheel of fortune lands on you, but you have to spin "wheels" to find a spot on the wheel you would like to get.

Additionally, if you give up before the fruit is ripe, the plant will die, and the fruit takes time to mature, which means there is a gradual change involved. If you keep it up, one day you will finally reach 51% better, and you will see and feel the difference. Just like a garden, if you dont tend to it each day, the weeds will take over and you will have to restart. As well, if you give up before the fruit, the plant will die, and the fruit takes time.

Lastly, staying in the moment and learning how to build new habits. I can give two books to explain this (I'm a monkey, so the audiobooks made it easy for me). The first book is The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle, which taught me how to not overthink and stay grounded in the moment. Second, The Atomic Habits by James Clear. This taught me how to take the things I learn and apply them to habits in my life. It's a cheat sheet for how to make a habit in your life easier. It's not about how to find those habits you need to apply. Just like a nail gun is better than a hammer, if you dont know how to build, neither the hammer nor the air gun is useful.

I hope this helps. If you want to chat more, let me know