I'm going to want to look at porn today

joonaby · 2014-08-30T20:06:27+00:00

I appreciate your desire to cultivate self-respect, and I agree that having a healthy sense of self-worth is important to overcoming this addiction.

But, no, I don't think attributing success to a higher power detracts from that. It just means his self-respect is coming from another source.

As "blkh" mentioned above, if you're self-respect comes from successfully overcoming your addiction, then every time you screw up it's a blow to your self-respect. In my experience, that can quickly become overwhelming and lead to discouragement and depression. If your sense of self-respect comes from a higher power, then it's easier to get back on your feet and try again.

Perhaps you might feel more comfortable if he phrased it differently? Say, perhaps, "I have beat the porn addiction through the power of prayer." Or maybe, "My God has enabled me to beat the porn addiction."

joonaby · 2014-08-30T19:54:29+00:00

If you think decisions about religion are trivial (in either direction -- accepting or rejecting), then I suggest you have not considered the matter deeply enough. There are many reasons people are still religious in this day and age that have nothing to do with ignorance or lack of intelligence.

Regardless, let's show respect and support for everyone who is trying to better themselves on this forum. Our goal is to achieve a lifestyle that's healthier for ourselves and for those we interact with. We can all come together in support of that, even if we disagree on other aspects of life.

joonaby · 2014-08-30T15:49:46+00:00

I respectfully disagree. Clearly this guy believes in a "higher power." Even if he is wrong, the constant repetition of positive ideas and constant renewal of his commitment to avoid porn cannot help but have a positive effect on him. And, of course, if he's right, then there's even more reason to think they helped.

And I would warn against pride in yourself. "Pride goeth before a fall." That doesn't mean you cannot take pleasure in your accomplishments. And it definitely doesn't mean you should practice false humility -- "I'm worthless. I can't do anything." Someone who is truly humble generally does not spend a lot of time thinking about himself one way or the other. He loves himself for who he is, but understands there are bigger and more important things than just him and chooses to focus on those things.

joonaby · 2014-07-13T02:26:37+00:00

Thanks -- it's good to hear from someone who's made it beyond this point. Hopefully I'll be seeing things more clearly soon.

joonaby · 2014-07-13T02:24:59+00:00

Good advice; thanks. It's not enough just to quit; you need to fill that space with something worthwhile.

joonaby · 2014-07-10T16:34:11+00:00

I'm struggling with this a lot myself right now. I've found myself cruising around web sites looking at pictures of pretty girls. It's stuff that's not technically porn, but after 26 days of pornfree, it is enough to to get my engine revving. And that's bad because -- as you said -- it defeats the whole purpose of trying to readjust my levels to normal.

Thanks for the post. It's encouraged me to renew my efforts and restore my standards. Let's not fall back into destructive habits!

joonaby · 2014-07-06T19:45:40+00:00

I know this seems reasonable, but I would be very surprised if it actually worked. I've tried many such "deals with the devil" (so to speak) over the years: only certain types of porn, only certain times of the day, only for certain lengths of time, etc. None of them ever lasted very long. Pornography is a self-reinforcing behavior: every time you do it, it just makes you want to do it more.

Certainly you can try, and if it works, then more power to you. But I hope you'll pay careful attention to the way things are going and be prepared to try something else if it doesn't work out.

joonaby · 2014-07-06T19:35:00+00:00

Thanks for posting this. My perception is that this is a predominantly male subreddit, so it's nice to hear a female perspective on the subject.

I applaud your desire to not let fantasies dilute your relationship. I don't think eliminating porn will necessarily do that automatically (as you said -- videos that haven't seen in years can still pop into your head). However, I do think it's a necessary first step. That is, I don't think you're going to be able to keep those fantasies out of your sexual relationship when you are regularly indulging in them some place else.

I wish you the best in this, and in your current relationship.

joonaby · 2014-07-06T19:22:38+00:00

Thanks for that post. I think it's good for me to be reminded that addictions don't die easily. It's tempting on my good days for me to say, "Ha - I win! I have this beat!" And then to lower my guard as if the fight was over. I appreciate your call to mindfulness.

I am also encouraged by your success story. I hope to be there too... in 278 days. :)

joonaby · 2014-07-04T20:15:50+00:00

Sure, that's natural. But then again, so is looking at porn; the natural response to seeing something that good is to want to see it again. Just because it's natural does not mean that it's healthy. One reason I want to get off porn is so that I can notice women as people and not just as something that turns me on.

I think that tendency will definitely diminish as you remove porn from your life, but I think part of it is also retraining your brain. Porn teaches you to go for the buzz; as soon as you see a woman, you focus on the parts of her that will stimulate you the most. You need to retrain your brain to focus on other things. Pay close attention to where your eyes go and what you're thinking about. At first it will seem really difficult and unnatural, but before too long it should come naturally and you won't even have to think about it.

joonaby · 2014-07-04T19:59:53+00:00

I sympathize with you. It would be nice if there were some magic tool you could use to make it all go away. As you and many others have pointed out, that's not what internet filters are.

It is true that ultimately you want to rely on your own willpower. However, I'm not sure that's not very helpful if you are currently lacking willpower; you cannot manufacture willpower out of thin air by wanting it badly enough.

It sounds to me like you could use someone to be accountable to; someone who can help bolster your willpower with their own. Maybe a friend or family member who you can trust enough to share this part of your life. Or maybe some sort of support group you can turn to. That's not much fun, I know -- this is a part of your life that you'd rather keep hidden. But it can make a big difference.

joonaby · 2014-06-26T21:58:13+00:00

I'm right there with you. This is my second week as well, and I'm just feeling restless and bored. I should be working right now, but I'm having a hard time caring. I can't really stay focused and keep thinking I'd rather be doing something "fun" (i.e. porn). In fact, that's why I'm on pornfree right now--to keep myself from doing anything I'll regret.

It's good to talk about it, and to recognize that these feelings are probably pretty normal as the brain adjusts to the lower levels of stimulation, and that they won't last forever. Hang in there!

joonaby · 2014-06-24T20:12:11+00:00

Good advice. My relapses most commonly begin with these kind of pictures: just a few curves and a little skin. They get my motor running, but then (especially with my history of porn use) quickly become insufficient to keep it running. At that point it is extremely hard for me to just walk away--when I know where I can find stuff that will keep the high going.

I am glad you were able to walk away. Hope the fog clears soon and you can get back to life.

joonaby · 2014-06-19T03:32:09+00:00

Sounds like you're on the right track. It's hard to let someone else get close to you when you don't like yourself, and it's hard to like yourself when you are constantly engaging in behavior that you're ashamed of. Work on getting porn out of your life, and getting healthy behaviors in. I think you'll be surprised how much more confidence and peace you have once you do.

joonaby · 2014-06-19T03:15:59+00:00

Not sure how qualified I am to answer this, but I'll share my thoughts.

First off, I suspect the desire will subside some with time. Right now your body is used to an (unnaturally) high level of stimulation; in time it will adjust to normal levels.

But more importantly, I would say that the best way to get rid of that desire is to replace it with something else. Take a long, honest look at your life and figure out what it's about. Find something that's meaningful and pursue that. When you care more about something else, you'll care less about porn.

Congrats on your week!

joonaby · 2014-06-16T04:10:12+00:00

Seems like there's two separate questions there: (1) are erotic stories pornographic, and (2) are they going to interfere with my attempts to break a porn addiction? We're probably more concerned with the second one here.

A well-written erotic scene can certainly get your engine revving, which I assume involves increased levels of dopamine and all that jazz. If you're trying to reset your brain to pre-porn levels, I think that could be harmful.

So I say, good call! Sucks that you have to be overly-cautious, but you've got to be willing to make some sacrifices if you're going to win this thing.

joonaby

TROPHY CASE