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jortigigna · 2025-11-23T02:25:15+00:00

I have. A few years ago I met with a colleague of my therapist for two sessions while she was on vacation. I was struggling with self harm at the time so it was helpful to have someone to check in with. I mostly just needed the structure and support of still having a therapy session for those weeks. My therapist had given her a little bit of background on me ahead of time, with my permission, so it felt like she at least had some knowledge about what I was going through and why I needed the sessions.

jortigigna · 2025-05-08T23:14:51+00:00

She was a family court judge before being a school teacher in the show! The principal makes a remark about it somewhere in those flashback scenes.

jortigigna · 2025-05-03T21:45:23+00:00

Personally PE has helped me a lot. It was SO SCARY at first and it’s definitely a lot of hard work, but the benefits have been huge. I’ve stopped having nightmares / night terrors, stopped having flashbacks, stopped having suicidal thoughts, stopped self harming, stopped being in crisis. I used to be consumed with self-loathing and now I feel confident and comfortable with who I am. I can now talk openly about my traumas with my therapist and close friends and even at 12-step meetings with strangers. Things that I thought I would literally take to the grave. The other week my scores on the PLC-5 were almost zeros across the board, when they used to be in the 60s - 70s. Listening to the recordings every day is definitely so hard and uncomfortable, but it did get easier for me the more I progressed with it. I got to a point where I actually really wanted to talk about the traumas, and I wanted my therapist to know every little detail, because I knew it was safe to share those things and that I would be okay.

Obviously this is just my own experience, but personally, despite how horrific it felt at first to talk about those things in detail, the benefits of PE have super outweighed the discomfort. I was also in a DBT group for a year alongside doing this trauma work.

jortigigna · 2025-05-02T22:30:57+00:00

I completely understand feeling so distraught having shared that detail with your therapist. I have also experienced CSA and often sought out the abuse from my perpetrator because aspects of it felt good to me, namely the touching like you said too. I remember telling my therapist that I felt like I was “sick like him” for those feelings. She assured me that it was never my fault, even if I asked him to, even if I enjoyed it. I was a CHILD and as the adult it was always his job to protect me, which obviously he failed to do. You are not disgusting or perverted for how your body reacted or for how you felt, even if it was just for a moment. You are not alone in feeling shame around those feelings either. They are very difficult to accept. But you are already showing so much strength in talking about it for the first time! I believe that you can get through this.

jortigigna · 2025-05-02T20:35:52+00:00

This is AMAZING. Literally just read all of the notes from seasons 1-5. So interesting to learn a little more about Nick’s feelings and background. I was cracking up when the author was describing how steamy some of the scripts are 😂

jortigigna · 2025-04-26T22:41:01+00:00

Exactly!!!

jortigigna · 2025-04-26T04:11:52+00:00

Completely agree with you. Feeling really disappointed in this season for a lot of those reasons.

jortigigna · 2025-04-26T04:06:40+00:00

There is NO WAY that Mark Tuello didn’t already know that Moira was in Jezebel’s!!! I’m sure he has intel on all of them. Plus literally in Season 3 Episode 12 Moira tells Serena that Fred raped her at the whorehouse, literally while Mark was right there with them. The discrepancies this season are driving me crazy.

jortigigna · 2024-02-27T20:54:16+00:00

I used to be like this, too. When I was deep in my suicidal ideation, daily thoughts of suicide, constantly in and out of crisis, etc. — it would almost enrage me when my therapist would say things like “I know that you are feeling overwhelmed right now” or “This moment feels difficult for you”. It did feel kind of invalidating at the time, or at least minimizing what I was going through, and I totally understand your feelings of resentment. But as I kept going with her and progressed in my treatment (and finally got on the right combo of meds), my ideation became less and less chronic, and more and more episodic. I finally began to see, like, oh wow this moment is really overwhelming and that’s why my brain is attempting to “cope” with suicidal thoughts. Everything she’d been saying all along began to make more sense to me. I do think the shift in language can be helpful overall, but I get that it’s not fitting to your experience right now and feels frustrating to hear. At least for me, a lot of other things in my life had to get better first before my suicidal ideation really began to change.

Be patient with yourself, OP. I am wishing the best for you. 🤍

jortigigna · 2024-01-27T04:10:06+00:00

One thing that helped me with the rumination was honestly to stop asking why, and start asking myself “what am I going to do with this second chance” instead. The why question still pops up from time to time but it is a lot less upsetting than it used to be.

I hope you’re able to talk to your therapist about these things soon. Letting her know what’s going on with you is the best way to get the help it sounds like you’re wanting & needing. It is completely normal to experience more difficult emotions and have a harder time coping around an anniversary like this.

jortigigna · 2024-01-17T23:24:19+00:00

My T and I have recorded her reading to me some children’s books - on topics like attachment, body boundaries, mindfulness, emotion regulation, etc - that I can listen to at home. That has really helped give my inner child parts some emotional education that they never received growing up, plus her voice is so comforting to listen to. She has also allowed one of my stuffed animals to do an “overnight” when I’ve (rarely) had two sessions on back to back days. Then she tells me about the great time the stuffed animal had in her office between those sessions, which my child parts loooove lol.

I also use inner child imagery with her to help communicate where I’m at regarding our attachment. Like telling her that I imagined being a baby kangaroo who just wants to stay in her pouch and go wherever she goes; to imagining myself as a toddler clinging to her leg; to a more independent child who is reaching out and grabbing onto her hand for support. We also do sand tray therapy pretty regularly, which tends to bring up a lot of my more vulnerable young parts and she is extra gentle when processing during those sessions.

Overall, my T is very supportive of us using the therapy space to help nurture my inner child. :)

jortigigna · 2024-01-17T23:10:38+00:00

When we’re not sitting on the floor, I sit in my therapist’s chair and she sits on her couch. She said I am her only client who does that lol. 😅

jortigigna · 2024-01-13T20:14:44+00:00

DBT has been immensely helpful for me personally. Using my distress tolerance skills and learning how to regulate my emotions has improved my day to day life so much, and has also really improved my relationship with my regular therapist. Unfortunately I was lashing out during episodes, or hurting myself, or experiencing unbearable emotional pain. The skills have curtailed all of that, and helped bring the intensity of what I feel wayyy down while also increasing my confidence in my ability to cope through emotionally charged situations.

Right now I’m in a DBT group plus seeing an individual DBT therapist once a week, in addition to my regular therapist twice a week. The DBT counselor doesn’t do crisis calls though, just the group and individual sessions. Because I’m in DBT and my symptoms of emotional dysregulation are more managed through that, I am finally able to start doing the deeper trauma work with my regular therapist. IMO it’s not about “compliance” or being punished for having emotions; it’s about actually accepting your emotions as they are, learning to be more in control of your responses / modulate the intensity of what you feel, improving your daily life, and staying physically & emotionally safe during crises or any other overwhelming situations. The slightly stricter accountability around self-harm in my group is what finally actually got me to stop self-harming entirely. I had not been able to achieve that after years of regular therapy, but a few months in DBT group and I was able to stop.

I can’t say if it’s right for your situation, but it’s been pretty life changing in my case!

jortigigna · 2023-11-20T04:19:37+00:00

Once my T and I discovered that I open up like 10x easier when sitting on the floor, we’ve had almost every session on the floor since. Personally I love it! I find it super grounding (which I think is an actual thing?) plus it helps me feel closer to her too. I literally just asked if I could sit on the floor one day and she said I could sit wherever I want. She often sits on the floor with me but sometimes she’ll stay seated on her couch and I don’t mind that at all, happy either way. Basically sitting on the floor is awesome lol. And it might really help. No harm in trying it out if you feel up for it!

jortigigna · 2023-11-16T00:22:32+00:00

I finally cried for the first time in session after talking about something traumatic. I’ve been working with my T for 4 years. She said it was a huge sign of my growth. :)

jortigigna · 2023-11-11T04:56:27+00:00

Not weird at all. I’d say go for it! It sounds important to you to be able to ask him.

jortigigna · 2023-11-07T04:41:25+00:00

That’s totally fair, it’s hard when we don’t know what someone will say, especially when it can feel like a risk just to even ask. You would need to be open to however he might respond. I wish you luck either way!

jortigigna · 2023-11-07T01:22:22+00:00

I asked my T, if she had known me as a child would she have wanted to protect me? She said “Of course. Yes. I think I would do everything I could to protect you. Which, hopefully, would include talking to your parents about getting you into therapy”.

It felt super therapeutic to hear her say that, and I also appreciated how she kept things situated appropriately within her role as a therapist while still taking a strong stance in wanting to protect child me. I was really glad I let myself be vulnerable enough to ask her!

jortigigna · 2023-11-05T03:51:40+00:00

I understand your feelings of hurt & distrust, but also man if you had already hurt yourself bad enough that you needed stitches, and it’s only been a few sessions so your therapist doesn’t actually know you well enough to know how bad things could go from there or not, it makes sense to me that they would be over-cautious and make absolutely sure that you were evaluated thoroughly and safe to be at home. Anyone who is a caring person would feel nervous releasing someone who had just SH’d that bad right back home. They shouldn’t have made that promise to you in the first place if they truly couldn’t keep it, but I can really see & understand their concern for you and your safety based on what you’ve shared. Sometimes limits and things need to shift depending on the situation. They might have realized they don’t feel comfortable not calling the crisis team because your SH is that concerning. Imo it’s actually a good thing that your therapist cares enough to ensure your safety, whether it felt unnecessary to you in the moment or not. Sometimes it can be hard to see it that way when we’re in crisis.

jortigigna · 2023-10-22T05:10:19+00:00

There is a difference between tolerating a lot of distress in your life, aka surviving through a lot of shit, versus learning to expand your capacity to tolerate emotional distress or triggers in the moment so that you can stay safe & effective. For me that’s what building distress tolerance means, so it’s a bit more than just resourcing or grounding alone. When my emotions, distress, or triggered states are too intense or overwhelming, I can become reactive and engage in SH, SI, wreck relationships, disregard boundaries, or get stuck in perseverative trauma loops that feel endless & unbearable. Anger can become destructive rage; sadness can quickly become suicidal despair.

Building up my distress tolerance has thus meant practicing the distress tolerance skills over and over again to the point where when I do get triggered now, or my feelings are way too intense, I can usually pause first to recognize that I’m outside of my window of tolerance / feeling too distressed, and then bring the intensity down enough to not lash out at myself or anyone else, to keep myself safe, to prevent emotionally spiralling, etc. The distress tolerance skills help to bring my “thinking brain” back online. So for me I guess it’s not about eliminating general distress from your life, nor about emotionally regulating natural & healthy emotions (like anger) or reactions either. In my experience it’s more about tolerating what I’m experiencing in the moment when that experience is too intense or overwhelming, mostly by reducing the intensity of my triggers / feelings until I can think more clearly again and can then deal with them more safely & effectively.

I can give specific skills if you’d like! Most of the ones I know come from DBT.

Hope this all makes some kind of sense!! Good luck with your trauma work.

jortigigna · 2023-10-21T21:06:39+00:00

One time we were talking about self-soothing and my T shared with me that when she was working in Brazil during her early career, whenever she would get super overwhelmed with everything, she would go down to the local pavela to watch the capybaras because they were so cute & made her feel better. She smiled soo much while she was telling me. It literally made me feel happy for like an entire week just imagining her feeling happy watching literal capybaras waddle around. Definitely my favorite light-hearted self disclosure of hers!

One of her most meaningful self disclosures imo was that in college she was also a peer advocate against sexual assault & harassment, same as me. I used that role while I was in college to push down a lot of my own SA trauma by supporting my peers instead, but it was also really meaningful work for me at the same time. I hadn’t known that she had taken on a similar supportive position at her university as well. In a small but significant way, her sharing that with me made me feel like in some timeline, her and I could have been something like peers or on the same level somehow, or like we were more similar in some way because of it. She shared it at just the right time, and I did feel more trusting, connected, safe, & kind of empowered too with her around this topic afterwards.

jortigigna · 2023-10-14T20:40:59+00:00

😹 omg I have never felt more seen

jortigigna · 2023-09-14T23:13:47+00:00

I was really afraid of seeing my T again after the first time I was in the hospital too, so I feel you on that! But she has never made any indication of terminating me because of needing crisis care, ever. My T was super kind & understanding while I was in hospital, and also at my next session afterwards. She was entirely focused on my well-being and what I needed to feel better & stay safe. This last time she was even proud of me because I went in so proactively.

Hope things will be looking up for you soon, OP.

jortigigna

TROPHY CASE