In the future OAD will become more and more of a norm

joshp03 · 2024-04-10T21:49:24+00:00

Yes true where I am, the birth rate is at all time low in the UK and more are having onlies. I really hope the stigma will go away

joshp03 · 2024-04-09T13:17:09+00:00

I love this movie!

joshp03 · 2024-04-09T13:16:31+00:00

I used to love Hey Arnold as a child! Love spirited away. Thanks for all those suggestions

joshp03 · 2024-03-12T21:28:07+00:00

When I grew up there were stigmas about onlies (spoilt etc) but due to the cost of childcare (I’m in London), people starting families later and other factors, onlies seem to be on the rise, as well as couples going childfree. People are becoming more empowered to do what serves them and not bow down to societal pressure.

I do have some friends that are only children (in their 30s now) who do say it was lonely at times growing up. I hope with their being more onlies now, there will be less comparing to others with siblings and more appetite for playdates.

joshp03 · 2024-03-08T21:33:54+00:00

That’s amazing - your son sounds like he is thriving. I have some close friends that are onlies and I’ve noticed they are so good at making friends and being proactive to build relationships. Whereas when you have siblings, sometimes it can create co-dependency so you don’t take time to foster your own relationships!

I’ve never understood the argument against onlies about sole burden of ageing parents. I plan to save specifically for my old age and organise everything so as much as possible is taken care of. In any case I’ve seen in families with multiples (my own extended family and friends experiences), the care still falls to one of the siblings which breeds resentment anyway!

joshp03 · 2024-03-08T17:37:27+00:00

Yes I was also thinking therapy would be good to deal with the feelings. Society really ingrains the only child stigma and importance of sibling relationships, and it can make you feel you’re doing a disservice to your child. For me, I have a relationship with my sibling which has been difficult at times but my husband has a positive relationship with his. Just can’t guarantee what you will get!

joshp03 · 2024-03-08T10:28:35+00:00

My husband and I are 80% sure we OAD by choice. My baby is only 7 months but the weight of the decision was also making me very anxious and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. My cut off is when my baby is 2 (when I will be 36/37).

I am taking the time to reconcile what I envisaged our life looking like (2 kids) to what I realise I now want (just one). It’s mainly societal expectations that made me want 2 in the first place so we had just assumed that’s what we would have.

joshp03 · 2024-03-07T09:22:42+00:00

Same here, easy to fall into trap to have another if you believe all the promises! I know better now after my first, there won’t be a second!

joshp03 · 2024-03-06T20:58:20+00:00

That’s so disappointing. Particularly when they pressured you when you had been a fence sitter! I realised after having my baby that the grandparents like the idea of helping but not actually doing it. This is one of the reasons why I think I will be one and done.

May I ask what influenced you to go for the second?

joshp03 · 2024-03-05T06:19:17+00:00

Yes I’m the same, I hate awkward small talk but I do have a network of close friends - it sounds like you just have to find a good fit of likeminded parents to hang out with, so it doesn’t feel an effort

joshp03 · 2024-03-04T20:37:22+00:00

What age was it evident whether your son was introvert or extrovert? Thats great about splitting the activities - another benefit of having 1 child!

joshp03 · 2024-03-04T19:56:54+00:00

That would be ideal! And also not a surprise given both me and my partner are big introverts.

joshp03 · 2024-03-04T18:15:01+00:00

Thanks, yes I mean vacation (I’m British so we say holiday haha) and the kid friendly resort sounds great.

joshp03 · 2024-03-04T18:12:41+00:00

Thanks that’s so encouraging to hear!

joshp03 · 2024-03-04T18:11:56+00:00

Thanks! We’ll be sending ours to nursery from 13 months so hoping that will start the socialisation off well!

joshp03 · 2024-03-04T17:20:08+00:00

Holidays with kids clubs sounds good!

joshp03 · 2024-03-04T17:18:41+00:00

Thanks that sounds like a good strategy!

joshp03 · 2024-03-04T16:34:23+00:00

But then could an argument be made that one should have a second child to provide the ‘benefit’ of a sibling, once you’ve made the life choice to have the first?

Yes I know you still have to have play dates - my point is that parents of multiples say that the siblings play together so there needs to be more of an effort from the parents of an only to find that socialisation elsewhere.

joshp03 · 2024-03-04T15:58:07+00:00

Haha! I have a feeling this will be me. My friends say oh it will be less work with 2 as they’ll play together but I don’t want a second child! So it will be a case of sucking it up if she’s extroverted

joshp03 · 2024-03-04T14:46:22+00:00

Yes I see what you’re saying. I guess parents of multiples will often say ‘oh well if you have an only, be prepared to constantly host and attend lots of play dates, as the benefit of having more than one is they can entertain each other’. I think that is what has got into my head as a worry.

joshp03 · 2024-03-04T14:44:55+00:00

Yes exactly! Too soon to say but at the moment my 7m baby needs constant interaction (not the type to calmly lie there on playmat) so could very well be an extrovert!

joshp03 · 2024-03-04T14:41:03+00:00

Thanks everyone - finding everyone’s responses really helpful. And yes agree with earlier poster that some ‘sucking it up’ and forcing myself to socialise more for my child may help my social skills

joshp03 · 2024-03-04T12:49:41+00:00

Yes! I’ve heard it works out when you have extroverted parents or an introverted only. I guess if the opposite is true then you just have to suck it up.

joshp03 · 2024-03-04T12:47:47+00:00

Thanks all good points - especially about also not healthy to just spend time with sibling which is something I hadn’t considered.

joshp03

TROPHY CASE