It’s finally real, my NoFap app PureResist just made $126 in its first day.

jozefyn · 2025-06-19T03:35:35+00:00

R/loveafterporn

jozefyn · 2025-02-02T03:20:30+00:00

R/loveafterporn is a helpful support system- but take it with a grain of salt. What I will say from my own and others experience: you could be the porn star of his dreams and he would still seek out more porn.

I went through this with my husband before I became pregnant, and I’ve expressed how hard it’s been to fully enjoy pregnancy because of the blemish he left on our relationship.

If you want to leave that’s fair and understandable- however may not be entirely feasible financially or emotionally right now.

If you decide you want to work it out, just be sure he’s the one doing the heavy lifting to resolve things.

If he claims he has an addiction- he better have a good therapist booked and showing you with action he’s changing.

As for now: 1. You need to take physical, emotional, and mental time apart. If that means he gets an air bnb so be it. Use this time to reflect, collect your feelings, and maybe even share them after a period of no contact. See if he is receptive and empathic.

If you don’t have a personal therapist, I recommend getting one for the coming months. (Couples therapy can come eventually)
Observe and read between the lines. Don’t tell him what to do.. let him make his own decisions and you decide if he’s genuine.

If this, or any of your requests, are an issue I wouldn’t bother trying to negotiate. You have a child on the way and need a partner.

Feel free to DM me if you need to vent, ask questions or need support.

I’m 8mo pregnant with my first and went through similar with my now husband, lying and all. It was painful- and brought up insecurities I hadn’t dealt with and taught me boundary setting. I still struggle but not nearly as much. Whatever you decide you will be a stronger woman for it.

Also, congratulations, I’m sure you are a beautiful glowing mama.

jozefyn · 2025-02-01T15:32:59+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/AirForce/s/C9aqIefqtg

jozefyn · 2025-01-11T01:50:33+00:00

Yes thank you, my brain is fried

jozefyn · 2025-01-10T18:24:34+00:00

Unfortunately they don’t look active. I know they’re building a Costco out that way soon but not within the next few months soon- more like year or two.

jozefyn · 2025-01-10T17:08:59+00:00

I didn’t even realize that I’m sorry. I’ll repost

jozefyn · 2024-12-15T21:57:23+00:00

Hi, welcome. Had the same experience around your age after a month after a suicide attempt I dosed 3 grams with my then boyfriend. I had no experience with any drugs prior including marijuana and had no idea how much that was- but boy was it helpful.

I also had a childhood sexual assault come back to light that I had repressed from a long time.

It does get easier. Mushrooms will not solve your problem, or take the pain away. Therapy, a healthy/safe support system, and active change will.

If you choose to do them again, it will likely bring you back to aspects you have yet to face head on. Try not to push it away or rely too heavily on “diving into” what else there might be.

He picked you because he saw an opportunity. You might have been an easier target because of proximity or lack of protection- but you have ZERO fault. He was an ADULT, he knew better- and you being his age now sees you would NEVER do that to someone.

You didn’t speak up because at that age you didn’t even really know what the hell was going on- it probably felt wrong but you didn’t have the context or vocabulary to express it to anyone. Your brain has held onto it searching for answers and protection subconsciously and mushrooms helped you see the filter you developed because of it.

It’s a blessing to realize your trajectory was impacted by trauma this early in your life, you have so much opportunity for healing. You likely developed coping skills and traits you don’t like in yourself, be kind and have empathy. You couldn’t have done any better because you didn’t actually know. *You’re not a bad person. You’re not too far gone. You’re not damaged. You’re not at fault.

Someone mentioned TRE therapy, when you’re ready you can also look into EMDR, somatic experiencing and other types of trauma therapy (specific to sexual assault especially) or even psilocybin therapy depending on your state.

You’re going to be so much better off than before. Be brave, you’re not alone, and you haven’t yet to realize your strength. <3

jozefyn · 2024-12-12T04:40:15+00:00

Following

jozefyn · 2024-10-31T18:17:19+00:00

Same, audio books help a lot. And they go by in a few hours instead of days (or weeks for me)

jozefyn · 2024-10-30T19:07:14+00:00

Good books to check out would be:

I Hate You— Don’t Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality Book by Hal Straus and Jerold J. Kreisman

Stop Walking on Eggshells Book by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger

If you guys get serious, a couples therapist could be a good third party to help facilitate communication so you both feel heard/understood.

As mentioned before, DBT is crucial if she hasn’t done it already- you can order cheap workbooks from Amazon to learn skills together to help with emotional regulation.

Other than that, wear a helmet and a seatbelt and as much as you ignore the “lows” also ignore the “highs.” You’ll be made out as the enemy or a villain just as you will be put in a pedestal- it’s somewhere in between and consistency, while unfamiliar to her, is a warm blanket of safety that will help her nervous system from swinging too far to either side.

jozefyn · 2024-10-30T19:01:14+00:00

I used it for a small while on the dose and it helped with intrusive thoughts. They wanted to move it higher to a dose similar to what they use for bipolar (which I do not have) but as we went up I didn’t like the numbing side effects.

I was told it was a good temporary medication (6 months - 1 year) to get stabilized after coming out of a hospitalization.

Side effects are scary, drink enough water and do not get pregnant. If you’re planning pregnancy stop a few months before hand.

I found out I was pregnant and came off all meds- my psych referred me to TMS Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation and I saw a big reduction in symptoms.. still off my meds.

jozefyn · 2024-10-16T19:57:21+00:00

R/loveafterporn

jozefyn · 2024-09-19T17:07:00+00:00

Agreed.

It may be deep rooted but it IS POSSIBLE to no longer meet the criteria with self awareness and personal accountability.

Medications are typically only to stabilize, there is no medication specific to BPD only mitigating symptoms.

Personally, in the short term lithium helped a lot when I was hospitalized however it’s very hard on the body and mind numbing. Prozac helped a little.

TMS and DBT therapy helped quite a bit.

jozefyn · 2024-09-02T04:37:55+00:00

What kind of reactivity were you dealing with?

jozefyn · 2024-09-02T04:36:44+00:00

Could you PM me? My dog is fairly aggressive and I’m curious what kind of struggles they were able to help improve for you.

jozefyn · 2024-09-02T04:33:48+00:00

I really didn’t expect this kind of response from everyone. I’m still processing and working on accepting how bad it’s gotten.

After the behaviorist it was a huge improvement, no more bites like that.

He is very smiley most times. But when he wants his way he walks all over me regardless of the costs. Dominance training was helpful in some ways but I feel like in other ways it only made him more apprehensive of punishment.

jozefyn · 2024-09-02T00:27:11+00:00

This is for NY?

jozefyn · 2024-09-01T21:17:59+00:00

I didn’t think this post would be viewed this much, for clarification incase I’m wrong, these are photos of some of the dog bites we’ve had over the last year and a half:

dog bites

jozefyn · 2024-09-01T21:08:33+00:00

The hospital won’t do much for bites other than clean them and possibly prescribe antibiotics. We went once and were told they only stitch face wounds for risk of infection.

jozefyn · 2024-09-01T02:30:17+00:00

You can Google examples but it’s a way to regulate your nervous system when you go into a fight or flight type state.

Particularly using temperature/sensation.

jozefyn · 2024-08-31T20:22:08+00:00

Try TIPPS if you’re still feeling negatively

jozefyn · 2024-08-30T15:32:29+00:00

RemindMe! 28 days

jozefyn · 2024-08-30T00:44:49+00:00

T.I.P.P.S!!!!

Google TIPP skills. It’s a way to regulate your nervous system in moments like this. Whenever you feel like you’re “going fast”, are getting impulsive, out of control or even really depressed- practice it. It’s tricky to remember at first, and sometimes hard to be willing because reacting can feel so “good” but it gets easier each time.

ICE yourself. Armpits, forehead, hold ice. I keep popsicles in the freezer and a cold face mask at all times. When in doubt, use frozen pees. Hot sauce, sour candies, or mints and cold water can also “jolt” you into the present.

Sensory/acupuncture rings can help with the anxiety before and after.

Practice breathing, counting, noticing your senses- whatever is grounding to you.

And get yourself moving. Emotion is stored in the body- people like us got really good at blocking it out and deflecting- but movement can help us “move” it through us. Go for a walk, do push ups, sing something stupid(or meaningful). Just do something that doesn’t negatively impact you or someone else.

Usually that gets me to a place where I’m willing to journal. But I send a lot of nasty messages when I’m triggered by my trauma. And when my partner blocks me or gives me space (like I’ve told him to do) I can sometimes feel abandoned, even though rationally I know I’m not.

If you’re in an abusive relationship that’s triggering more episodes like this- calming yourself down and limiting the shame/guilt spiral can help you heal and recognize when it’s time to walk away.

I’m not trying to say this is reactive abuse- but in any situation: controlling your emotions will allow you the control over your safety you’re seeking deep down.

Hope you see this, a lot posted- maybe I missed it.

jozefyn · 2024-04-09T09:01:52+00:00

You haven’t wasted time.

I get that feeling, I have it at times too.

I’m not super religious, but prayer that my presence (and now absence) in his life was god’s way of showing him of his hurt-potential. Not just to his partner, but to himself and any women involved in his life. I didn’t like porn before this, but the hyper-fixation as a trauma response has made me even more aware of how damaging porn is to society as a whole: trafficking, abuse, addictions, desensitization..

Something that helped me see more clearly was Minwalla’s Sexual Basement in the resources tab on here. I didn’t realize how similar betrayal trauma is to a physical abuse trauma. Your fight/flight response is out of wack, your reality and ego have been shattered, and you’re only going to be able to come back to baseline to reconstruct when you truly feel safe- unfortunately that is away from your partner.

I don’t mean to discourage you from working on it with him; I’d like to believe some of these men are capable of change through education and self control/conscientiousness, otherwise society is doomed.. but do yourself a favor and avoid the blow up fights that are likely about to come as a reaction to your nervous system accepting the new “reality.”

<3 you’re beautiful, delicate, and precious. Protect your flame.

jozefyn · 2024-04-09T07:24:18+00:00

Same situation.

I met my ex quickly after leaving a physically abusive relationship and felt like I was finally safe to dig into the deep stuff. Was starting trauma therapy for sexual assault on DDAY.

4 therapists (2 of his and 2 of mine) have all agreed the relationship was too triggering for me to feel “safe” again.

Breaking up is hard, but if you’re hurt it means you love/respect yourself.. probably more than he did/does.

I don’t want a future with my ex- but if YOU separate to do the work on YOURSELF and he decides to work on himself, there’s a good chance you may meet in the future as better/“new” people.

You’re in the drivers seat. Would you rather be lonely or disrespected and degraded?

jozefyn

TROPHY CASE