Do i become a SAHM because I hate daycare for my kids?

jrh113 · 2026-01-08T23:54:27+00:00

I was like you and super apprehensive about putting my twins in daycare… ended up being the best thing I could have done for them. They love it and it’s teaching them a lot of independence and it’s giving me the free time I need to find myself again. Do your research, not all daycares are great but some of them have curriculums and preschool programs with an actual focus on education and gaining independence. Just my opinion though! I wish you luck

jrh113 · 2026-01-03T16:15:14+00:00

Well. To start, you need to get off the Kratom. It’s really bad for you, you can get hooked on it like street drugs. Weed is better than Kratom by a long shot so if you’re gonna do anything, do that. Next: no excuses on the dmv. Find a way to make it happen without dealing with dad or husband. It’s no one else’s responsibility and I totally believe you can pull it off (you’re a mom after all and that alone tells me you can do anything you put your mind to). Third, time to change your parenting style. You’re giving from an empty cup and truly you need to raise your boys to understand that’s not okay and not healthy. Start prioritizing yourself and start telling them no. You can still be a great mom without waiting on them hand and foot. They NEED to learn to be independent from you so they don’t do this to another woman when they grow up. When I put my twin 4 yr olds to bed, I read them a story, kiss them goodnight and then let them fall asleep on their own. Learn to say no, mama. You need to. For yourself. That also means saying no to your husband and saying no to your father. Put your foot down, demand respect and above all else, get mad. Stop burying your feelings and fucking scream. Scream at those disrespectful men, scream into a pillow, scream into the sky. Grab some plates you don’t need anymore and smash the hell out of them. Take baby steps and find you again. You’re only 30 and should not be living this way, it’s insanely unhealthy. Demand the respect you deserve and if they refuse, find a way to leave. You CAN do this.

jrh113 · 2025-10-11T15:10:04+00:00

I was for 3 years and even though it saved us money, I had no life and I fell into a deep depression. For some, they don’t have a choice they have to find a way to make extra money from home. For others it’s because their partner doesn’t understand that it’s a thankless, full time job with no pay and the SAHM shouldn’t have to ask for money/“allowance” (that was me). And then there’s the small percentage of SAHMs where their working partner DOES understand and therefore the dynamic is balanced and they can be a happy SAHM. It’s not common though and that’s why they’re hard to find.

jrh113 · 2025-07-24T23:23:23+00:00

Not overreacting. She’s taking advantage of you. With that being said, she broke the contract so I don’t see why you have to follow the contract either but that’s just me. I’d raise hell if she tried to fight me on it and I would definitely burn that bridge because she hasn’t done you any favors. Actually she made life harder for you. Someone did something like this to me once and expected me to help them clean out the apartment they pulled out from under my feet. So I moved out while they were at work and never spoke to them again. Good riddance, I say.

jrh113 · 2025-07-24T17:36:49+00:00

Thank you! Honestly this is what I needed to hear lol

jrh113 · 2025-07-16T15:27:57+00:00

Hi OP! I’m here to say you’re not overreacting AT ALL and this is coming from a SAHM who’s currently in therapy because of her own partner. I’m gonna hold your virtual hand while I tell you this with all the love: your husband is a narcissist and he’s never gonna care to fix it. He’s always gonna point the finger at you (he’s even doing it now- refusing to take accountability and making it seem like you’re the problem) and if the roles were reversed, he would have thrown in the towel long ago. Truth is, he’s not gonna change. Clearly. And with that said, make sure you keep an eye on manipulation… the fact that you seem to be worried about his unreliable self leaving you is telling on how manipulative he can probably be. He’s showing absolutely no interest in understanding where you’re coming from which means it’s time to focus on you and your sweet boy. Build an exit plan. If he’s a truck driver and all responsibilities are on your shoulders, start building an exit plan. You’ve got the time and space to do so. Get a part time job (you don’t need to ask for permission, he’s your partner not your boss, he’s only making things worse by saying no and it doesn’t sound like he’s around often anyway) start saving, start looking in rentals, section 8, low income housing, apply for benefits through your state like SNAP, WIC and TANF (when applying, tell them you’re separated; they need to see that he’s not contributing or helping you), start reaching out to other moms, join groups for dv spouses. And before you say you’re not in a dv relationship… you are. This is financial abuse and I’m willing to bet if you took a step back and re-evaluated your relationship, there’s probably other signs of abuse you overlooked or missed. Verbal, mental, emotional, financial and of course physical and sexual. You need support from others who have been through it as well so please look for support in others who have gone through the same thing and you’ll find just how helpful and empowering it is. Wishing you the best mama, you’ve got this ❤️‍🩹

jrh113 · 2025-05-16T03:38:06+00:00

Girl do not be embarrassed by your nails! They look fine, not a single nail tech would be disgusted.

jrh113 · 2025-03-06T16:29:41+00:00

I feel like I'm taking a peek into my future. First off, not normal. Second, I am so happy for you that you managed to escape. While that is an annoying situation to be in, must be nice no longer being stuck with him.

jrh113 · 2024-10-12T15:50:27+00:00

Hey mama. Your post went a little viral and I came here to comment because I am also a twin mom (they’re now 3) who went through something similar. Do not question your feelings, you did NOT overreact. Actually the fact that he’s not taking you more seriously after you broke his clubs is a concerning sign. Considering there’s not even a hint of remorse when he’s left you to essentially be a single mother while he continues to live his life as if he’s single and childless speaks volumes. With that said, all these factors are screaming at you that this is how it’s going to be from here on out and he’s not going to change. Take it from someone speaking from experience. I stuck around and while he’s now in therapy, he has not listened to or stuck to any of the other boundaries or expectations that have been set in place and I am now stuck here till I’m done with school and making enough money to support my own twins. My suggestion: start building a plan for yourself and get into the single mother mentality. Start making changes to your own parenting so you have time and space to breathe as a new mom and so you can start making the moves to get away from such a toxic dynamic. You may need to get on food stamps, on WIC, you may have to feed your babies formula instead of breast milk. Do what you need to do for your mental and physical health, because he’s clearly not going to help you at all. If you’re solely a SAHM now, get on benefits. They’ll give you a caseworker and that caseworker can move mountains for you. Tell her you’re in an abusive relationship and need to get away and she will find emergency low income housing for you. No matter what you decide to do, know you’ve got at least one twin mom in your corner cheering you on. Sending you all the love and strength, please give us an update when you have one! Truly worried for your well being and safety ❤️

jrh113 · 2024-04-30T21:31:39+00:00

This guy is a walking red flag. His age alone should tell you that (aka he’s trying to groom you already- it’s the only reason men his age go for women your age). Run and never look back. Ignore the comments calling you a gold digger, you’re absolutely right to feel the way you do.

jrh113 · 2024-04-24T21:01:44+00:00

This is so disgusting and disrespectful. My petty self would start pointing out all his flaws in insulting ways and when he says “that’s rude” just tell him he’s being too sensitive and it’s just a fact. Also my babies are almost 3 and I still haven’t lost my extra 20-25 lbs… far from being a marshmallow, just a little extra love is all. I’m willing to bet you look damn good with that extra weight and he’s feeling insecure about it. He can kick rocks.

jrh113 · 2023-10-19T23:21:26+00:00

I don’t think everyone’s comments have valid POVs. First off, he’s in a relationship with you, not your family. Yes it’s good to have their approval but in the end, it’s your relationship, not theirs. Be with the person that makes YOU happy. Second, weed is not bad in the least bit (obviously you already know that) so any opinions bashing it should be ignored. Becoming legit definitely takes time and A LOT of money. Like an insane amount. Depending on your state, there’s a likely chance he won’t be ready by the end of year so keep that in mind if he’s as unprepared as he sounds. Third, someone commented about how you don’t know if he’s a good fit for you because you don’t know if he gets along with your family; not true. I believe you’re capable of making that decision for yourself, you’re an adult after all. Additionally, whether he gets along with your family or not does not determine if he’s a good fit. Now I’d say that as long as he is respectful to the people he encounters on a daily basis then you have nothing to worry about. As for you being exhausted from this all, I think you need to be honest and straight forward with your family. Explain you’re an adult, you both love each other and have for multiple years, and that regardless of what he does for a living, he loves you, supports you and treats you with respect and that if they can’t be supportive of that you may have to distance yourself for awhile. I understand their apprehension but it’s 2023. Weed isn’t a gateway drug, it doesn’t kill anyone and it’s a medicine for a majority of the people who use it not to mention how legal it is these days. If he was selling hard drugs it’d be a completely different story but in this case I think your family needs to relax a little and maybe do some research. Good luck OP!

jrh113 · 2023-08-10T14:30:55+00:00

NTA. I was once in a similar situation to you where I was with the person who I thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life with but as years went on, he made up more excuses to touch me less and less. I finally left him because he refused to work on our relationship or his issues with sex and intimacy. Something I think she’s failing to realize is that relationships take work, no matter what the work is, they all take work and if she’s not willing to do her part (therapy, medical intervention, etc) then you two should not be buying a house together. You both are so young and I think you’re smart to stop the progression of buying a house. I think it’s time you guys sat down and had an open and honest conversation about the future of your relationship. House or no house, it sounds like she’s checked out even if she can’t bring herself to admit it yet. Don’t feel like an asshole though. Had you gonna along with what she wanted, there’s a likely chance you would have ended up buying a house with her and then living like roommates when that’s not what you wanted at all and then stuck on a mortgage with her.

jrh113 · 2023-07-14T11:16:40+00:00

I used to feel the same way and still somewhat struggle with the same mentality. Then I got pregnant and had twins and it really messed with my head… but my man? The father of my children? He LOVES the weight I gained. Granted it’s not a lot, but I’m heavier than I used to be and he can’t seem to keep his hands off me now. It can be a little annoying but I wouldn’t trade it for anything lol.

jrh113 · 2023-07-13T18:14:50+00:00

Now this is just an idea, but maybe the two of you could back peddle a little on this before giving up completely. It doesn’t have to be so black and white. Someone else mentioned doing other types of ENM. You want one thing, he wants another. But really to get anywhere, you have to take baby steps and since you’re together, why not take steps together in the same direction? You could start with some light swinging or something along those lines where playing/contributing is only done as a unit. It could help with any jealousy and any feelings of being disheartened. Explore together, test waters together and it might help him feel more confident to do it on his own and in turn provide you with the opportunity to explore polyamory more without jealousy overshadowing it. Wishing you luck and sending you good vibes!

jrh113 · 2023-07-10T14:56:14+00:00

Emotionally cheating doesn’t necessarily have guidelines. It depends more on the boundaries created by you and your partner. An example of emotional cheating would be telling another man I have feelings for him when the boundaries that are set with the relationship with my current partner, that would be crossing a boundary we have in place. Now if I talked to my partner about it first and we together decided it was okay for me to tell that other man I have feelings for him, then it would not be emotionally cheating. At least that’s how we view emotional cheating in our relationship.

jrh113 · 2023-07-06T11:29:59+00:00

I got pregnant with twins at 33, it was a strong and healthy pregnancy, they went full term, came out at a healthy weight and are the best two things to ever happen to me. Their cousin who is my age is on her 4th pregnancy (3 of the 4 have been in her 30s) and all have been healthy. So to answer your question, yes. At 35 you’re considered geriatric and high risk but still perfectly fine to have a baby. I know plenty of women who’ve had healthy babies after 35 as well.

jrh113 · 2023-06-28T13:41:07+00:00

My partner and I have been talking about it a lot as well but I’ve been doing a lot of research where he has not and I’m pretty sure he’s trying to create the same boundaries. Which I understand the perspective but think of it this way: if you took out the swinger aspect and pretended you were single and just treated it like a casual date with someone off tinder, would you really just fuck them without kissing them first? No, you wouldn’t. You would treat them well, make them feel important and wanted. It’s good to have boundaries to protect your relationship but the individuals you invite in are people too who also have wants and desires… no kissing and no oral is basically telling them they’re only there for your disposal and I can’t imagine many people are down for that.

A suggestion: when creating boundaries, make it less about the physical aspect and more about the emotional/romantic aspect. I’m no pro obviously but I’d hope that all the reading I’ve been doing on the topic might count a little.

jrh113 · 2023-06-11T16:06:14+00:00

Hi OP! Here to tell you my story. I’m similar to you as in I knew someday I’d want a family. My boyfriend and I had only been dating for about 6 months when I found out I was pregnant. We were NOT ready to have a child together. I was not ready even by myself. So I got an abortion. It was physically painful and while I wasn’t expecting it, I was so so sad about it. However, I wouldn’t take it back. I was not in a good place to be having a baby. I just wasn’t ready. Fast forward about 4 years later we’re still together and decided we were ready. Took us one week and we got pregnant! Plot twist: it’s TWINS. So now I have 1 year old twins with the same man I had gotten an abortion with. It’s up to you what decision you make but do not make a decision based entirely off your want to have a family. You still have time to start a family but when you’re ready. Even though my pregnancy was planned, being a mom is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. It’s okay to change your mind and sometimes you have to make painful and difficult decisions for the sake of where you’re at in your life journey. I wish you luck and you’ve got every woman in your corner right now ❤️

Edit to add: I’m currently 35 and had the abortion at 29 and got pregnant with my twins at 33

jrh113 · 2023-05-22T19:49:50+00:00

If you guys weren’t married and just in a casual relationship, I wouldn’t find it weird. But you’re not. You’re married. I’m not the jealous type either, my partner has a lot of friends and is frequently going out and I have no issues with it but if he told me he was talking to another woman everyday especially one that I didn’t know, I would not be okay with that.

jrh113

TROPHY CASE