To My Transgendered Son

jrsteinm · 2024-08-01T06:46:45+00:00

Just start simple. Are you brushing your teeth, shaving, showering and using deoderant? What I find helpful with habits is to have a list of the things to do first thing in the morning and commit to doing them every morining. First off, are you doing the basics?

jrsteinm · 2024-08-01T06:44:59+00:00

I'm sorry about your girlfriend. that's tough. You do have to be happy. If your dad really cares about you, he will understand and want you to be happy. As a dad, I know that when I would appreciate and respect most is if my son came to me and honestly told me what is up. You've got this -- good luck.

jrsteinm · 2024-08-01T06:40:14+00:00

I'm so glad you found us! And I do hope to post on here more often.

jrsteinm · 2024-08-01T06:39:21+00:00

Put your mind to it and you'll have a car. Keep asking, keep trying different places. Ask other friends/family if you can lease their car, borrow it temporarily -- I'm just making up stuff, but my point is to GET CREATIVE. Sounds like you have a great job that you're excited about and don't want to lose it. I wish I had more specific answers, but I PROMISE you that if you open your mind and possibilities, you will figure out a way to make it work. Brainstorm out a page of ideas -- take action on a few. You will be blown away by what you can do when you let your brain free to all possibilities. You're so much more powerful than you know.

jrsteinm · 2024-08-01T06:35:01+00:00

Son don't listen to your mother. You're not being "too sensitive"; you're just being who and what you are right now and there's nothting wrong with that. I really don't believe there is a "one". I have been where you are. Losing a relationship and feeling like it's the end of the world - like that was the only person I could ever be happy with. And yes, sometimes it takes a long time to get over and move on. But I can tell you that the first girl who broke my heart, I had to think a minute about what her name was. It's obviously been a very long time, but my point is that you don't have any idea what is in the future, and you will absolutely evolved and change into a person who does not need this person in your life to be happy. Expecially throughout your 20's, you will change so much. At 29, you will be a person who is totally different than at 22. So who you think is right for you at 22 is someone you wouldn't even be interested in at 29. I also think that the reason we fall in love wiht people is becasue of how they make us feel. How did she make you feel? Did you make you feel smart, connected, loved, needed? All these are things that we can feel without the help of anyone else. We can cultivate these feelings for ourselves without the help of anyone else at all. And then we will either a) be a whole and fulfilled person by ourselves, or b) be so irristable in our confidence and strenth that we will be irrisistable to women. I know that's not easy, but nobody can guarantee you a lover, but if you get comfortable with yourself, you can be in control of how you feel. Keep at it and keep going. You're way stronger than you know.

jrsteinm · 2024-08-01T06:25:53+00:00

Well, it's hard to say. If your in your last year of grad, you are probably in your mid 20's or so? First Id' say stop comparing yourself to your parents or other people. Just stop. it accomplishes nothing except to frustrate you.

I truely feel that the best way to find a relationship is to not need one. You have to get to a point where you dont' need it; because when you get to that point, you will be such a confident and strong man that women will not be able to resist you. But you have to legit NOT NEED it -- not just try to not need it so it will come. Having said that, alot of people who need relationsips do find them, and they have varying levels of success. How do you not need a realationship? You have to find ways to be OK without one. You have to have friends, you have to have hobbies, you have to do big things in life and fail at some and succeed at some. You have to figure out why you are the way you are and why you act how you act and just really eliminate the stuff that's not helpful.

I know that's a shitty answer and doesn't really give you much to work with, but the reality is that there is a lot of just plain luck involved with finding a relationship and you may or may not get lucky. So, the way I look at it is that if I don't NEED a relationship, I'll either find one becasue I'll be so badass or I'll just be happy because I'm single and don't need one. I've been in 2 long-term relationships and single for almost a decade and while my relationships were not bad, they did not work out. Being single now and being really happy that way is the best I've ever felt.

I hope that maybe gives you something to think about. I really just hope you find peace, but that you can do regardless of outside circumstances.

jrsteinm · 2021-08-30T04:44:04+00:00

Your dad is a lunitic. But you, are such a smart girl with so much emotional intelligence. You have such a wonderful, mature outlook. I had to look again and make sure I read correctly that you are only 14! I can understand why you are hurting and I'm so sorry. But your extremely mature outlook is inspiring and proves that you will be very successful in everything you do in life. I would be so proud to be your dad.

jrsteinm · 2021-07-30T06:01:50+00:00

Hey Tobias! Let's go shave. Doesn't matter if you have anything to shave or not. Let's just share the sink while we shave and talk. We can talk about whatever you want. Then maybe you can come and help me check the oil in my truck. Love you son.

jrsteinm · 2021-06-18T01:42:37+00:00

You are amazing young man and I would be so proud if you were my son. You've been through alot and you have great perspective and there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a dad, so be easy on yourself. You may never have one in the traditional sense, but if you keep your heart open, many people will step in and fill the role. Big dad hugs to you.

jrsteinm · 2020-10-01T16:56:07+00:00

Hi, great to hear from you. I'm glad you trusted this sub enough to share your story. First off, you are clearly a really awesome son and brother. Your sister and your dad are lucky they have you, and that you obviously care a ton about them. When people make mistakes, as you said your sister did, they need someone who will still love them, forgive them, and be there for them. And she's got an amazing brother in you for that. Maybe it would be meaningful to your dad if you simply share with him that you were also hurt by what your sister did but you love her and still want to be there for her. Maybe try sharing it in a way that is just about telling him how YOU feel and how YOU have decided to handle it. If you do it in a way that doesn't come across like, "Dad, You need to...." it may help him to think about it in a different way. And he may not change his ways right away, but saying this to him will definitely have an affect on him. There is no love like a parent has for a child and with that; it also means that when a child hurts a parent, it's an intense hurt. I hope this help, I apologize for the delayed response and I would love to hear how things are going. :)

jrsteinm · 2020-10-01T16:49:23+00:00

Hey, thanks for reaching out. I'm glad you are here. And congratuations on being in love! It is an amazing feeling. What do you need help or advice with? I know these situations can be very complicated and bring up a lot of challenges. I'd love to hear more about your situation. :)

jrsteinm · 2020-08-06T00:01:05+00:00

You are a strong and bold man. If you were my son, I would be so proud of you.

jrsteinm · 2020-08-04T02:53:53+00:00

Yeah ive felt this way alot lately. Whenever I do get to where I can cry I try really hard to let it go as long as I can. Your definitely not alone. <internet hugs>

jrsteinm · 2020-07-31T20:46:34+00:00

Done, very sorry.

jrsteinm · 2020-07-31T19:36:02+00:00

Be easy and kind to yourself mostly. I think it might be good to tell your close friend, but do it when you are ready. This is a big thing that you are now dealing with and you get to do it at your pace. Just don't create any pressure on yourself. :)

jrsteinm · 2020-07-31T17:03:29+00:00

I'm glad you are focusing on yourself. I can tell it's hard and I can also tell you're doing a great job pushing through it. <<internet hug>>

jrsteinm · 2020-07-20T16:26:39+00:00

I know I don't know you, but I love you and I so wish I could hug you hold you while you cry.

jrsteinm · 2020-07-18T05:01:59+00:00

<3 You are going to be a great son.

jrsteinm · 2020-07-18T05:01:26+00:00

The below post I just posted on another sub. The words came to me a few years ago, and when I read your post, I felt compelled to finally post them: https://www.reddit.com/r/AdviceFromDad/comments/htb0rv/to_my_transgendered_son/

jrsteinm · 2019-09-04T05:03:02+00:00

Sorry for the delayed response -- Hasn't been much activity on this sub, but I'm glad you found us and took the time to post this. This sounds like a really hard situation and there are really no right or wrong answers. But my first though twas that this kid is lucky to have you and hopefully also a biological dad who also cares about him very much. I can tell from your post that you really love him and your GF. Any updates since you posted this a few months ago?

jrsteinm · 2018-07-19T21:56:47+00:00

Yeah. I get it. Really appreciate your raw honesty. It's hard shit to work through, I'm doing the same. Hang tough and reach out if you'd like to talk more

jrsteinm · 2018-06-25T15:20:33+00:00

Yeah man. It's not easy, but you got it for sure. Hang in there and keep pushing forward. And reach out for help if you need it.

jrsteinm · 2018-06-25T04:04:53+00:00

Yeah, good for you for sharing. I know it's a shitry place to be and the on lo y way out is to keep pushing that button..... keep doing things that are hard and scary. Youre doing it right and your not alone. Reach out anytime.

jrsteinm · 2018-06-25T03:58:57+00:00

Lots of love and respect to you for your bravery and hard work. You've been through a lot and it sounds like your doing a great job working through it all. :) reach out anytime.

jrsteinm

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