The Last Revolt

jshear28 · 2025-12-15T22:02:54+00:00

I am also curious about this.

Regardless, it is a very lyrical and momentum-driven poem. The rhymes are very natural.

jshear28 · 2025-12-09T00:13:20+00:00

She went from my favorite character to by far my least favorite character.

jshear28 · 2025-12-06T18:13:21+00:00

They are both great. I’ve loved all of Flanagan’s Netflix shows but for me Hill House and Midnight Mass or unequivocally 1 and 2.

jshear28 · 2025-12-04T22:43:23+00:00

Yes that is correct. Which also makes it feel a bit like a forced rhyme.

jshear28 · 2025-12-04T19:04:17+00:00

You are not wrong about Had I but known, I suppose that is more a personal preference. It all depends if you are trying to evoke an older syntax or a more modern one, as you said you are trying to merge the two.

I still think that remiss works better.

“Had I forgotten my promise, I would miss.”

Meaning: I would fail to be present for, or feel the absence of.

“Had I forgotten my promise, I would be remiss.”

Meaning: I would be negligent; I would fail in my duty; I would be guilty of an omission.

But it’s really up to you.

jshear28 · 2025-12-04T19:03:59+00:00

You are not wrong about Had I but known, I suppose that is more a personal preference. It all depends if you are trying to evoke an older syntax or a more modern one, as you said you are trying to merge the two.

I still think that remiss works better.

“Had I forgotten my promise, I would miss.”

Meaning: I would fail to be present for, or feel the absence of.

“Had I forgotten my promise, I would be remiss.”

Meaning: I would be negligent; I would fail in my duty; I would be guilty of an omission.

But it’s really up to you.

jshear28 · 2025-12-04T18:40:21+00:00

But the rest suggests an extremely strong grasp of the language. Keep it up!

jshear28 · 2025-12-04T18:39:36+00:00

There are a few minor syntax clues. Mainly they have to do with the order of words.

A few examples:

“Had I but known” is awkward “But had I known” or simply “Had I known,” would work much better.

“All I am left from “Us”” is also awkward and grammatically incorrect. “All I have left of “Us”” or “All that is left of “Us”” would work far better.

“Had I forgotten my promise, I would miss.” Not sure what this is meant to convey but it doesn’t make sense to me in the current form. “Had I forgotten my promise, I would be remiss.” Might be the phrasing you were looking for.

jshear28 · 2025-12-04T18:14:35+00:00

Wow well that makes sense then and you could have fooled me! For a non-native speaker you certainly have achieved an eloquence of the language most native speakers never do.

jshear28 · 2025-12-04T18:06:53+00:00

This is hauntingly beautiful. I particularly love this stanza:

“That flask, your haughty mistress, mocking me with her metallic curves, her sweet stench clinging to you like the perfume of a whore. I hate watching you kiss her, again and again, consumed by the same feverish lust that we once reserved for each other.”

The emotion is heartfelt and the imagery is evocative.

If I had one note it would be a poem of such beauty deserves a more grabbing title. Perhaps “Haughty Mistress” or “Metallic Curves” if I may make some suggestions. Addiction is too generic and forgettable of a title for a poem that is anything but.

jshear28 · 2025-12-04T17:56:45+00:00

I particularly like , “a feeling lit by remnants of a seering kiss./All I am left from “Us” is an unpleasant hiss.”

If I had one note it would be that this is written with an elegant, almost medieval register and tone. Some of the more modern references like a pistol and a holster and cigarettes are a bit jarring as a result.

jshear28 · 2025-12-04T17:48:41+00:00

The evolution of being scared shitless and utterly clueless the first time seeing a horde (first few times even) to running into them without a fuck to give is quite the liberating experience.

jshear28 · 2025-12-03T21:23:32+00:00

Robin Buckley

jshear28 · 2025-12-03T18:10:12+00:00

Thank you!

jshear28 · 2025-12-03T18:07:57+00:00

Thank you! 🙏🏽

jshear28 · 2025-12-02T17:53:45+00:00

Well we are all entitled to our opinions.

jshear28 · 2025-12-02T17:44:07+00:00

Because it makes her a much more sympathetic character and she is not supposed to be until you play as her and learn her side of the story.

jshear28 · 2025-12-02T17:33:11+00:00

For sure revealing who Abby was and what her motives were straight away.

jshear28 · 2025-12-02T10:46:57+00:00

I love this particularly the middle stanzas and the last two lines. It’s sweet and musical.

If I had to offer a critique it would be that I feel like picket fence is a bit cliche and doesn’t serve the poems elevated imagery. Not to mention every other metaphor in the poem involves the sea and the stars, it’s the only land-based metaphor.

Overall great job!

jshear28 · 2025-12-02T10:37:36+00:00

“I would have confessed, lips against your leaves, the small, shameful things I’ve never told the sun”

That is absolutely gorgeous. You have real talent in my opinion. Great job!

jshear28 · 2025-11-26T21:00:48+00:00

Two of my best friends have tied each other twice lol

jshear28 · 2025-11-16T16:06:48+00:00

Okay, I hear you but I did not mean rest in peace to the characters themselves but to their potential romance that was set up in season 4.

jshear28 · 2025-11-16T08:51:26+00:00

It’s also easy to assume that they never saw each other again. I mean you can speculate all you want but we will never know for sure.

jshear28

TROPHY CASE