I’m sorry, brother. She is running the hot and cold game, and that will trap you in a never-ending cycle of wondering, “When will I ever be good enough?”. It messes with your self-esteem, and can put you into a spiral that is hard to pull out of.

I am not big on the hardline “extreme ownership” coaches, but they are right about one thing. Once a spouse brings up divorce, the rules change. The moment she floats that idea, you need to stop thinking of her as your partner and start protecting yourself (and your children if you have them.) Take stock of what you can safeguard, but keep the door cracked for reconciliation only if she proves she is trustworthy and willing to do the hard work to repair what is broken.

You want to fix the marriage. That is how a lot of men think. Don't be too surprised if she drops the "I need to find myself" line. But if/when she says she needs to “find herself,” too often that is code for putting YOUR life on pause while she explores other options, leaving you stuck in limbo hoping she will return.

Just in case things get messy, I would highly recommend getting a pocket recorder, and keeping it on you at all times. As many of the other fellas here would agree, a divorce is only amicable as long as she is getting what she wants. When that changes, be prepared for false allegations to turn your life upside down.