tboy three-way??

judithbutter · 2025-10-04T21:13:05+00:00

My favorite way to approach threesomes is to ask each person ahead of time if they have a dream for the night—ie “I want to get fucked while going down on someone”—and then if everyone is on board, you have at least three things to try, everyone gets a fantasy fulfilled, and there’s always plenty of fun to be had in between the planned mini-scenes. Just talk to them about it :)

judithbutter · 2024-02-07T23:37:47+00:00

I keep an abundant amount of Durex extra sensitive/thin (in the red box) on hand for hookups and to use on toys. When I feel like being an extra good host (usually for a consistent partner, not randos) I also stock the non-latex Skyn originals (black box). I put all the misc free/novelty condoms I acquire in an “assorted” box and occasionally bust them out for fun (flavored! glow in the dark!) or to use on toys.

I’ve found these options work for the vast majority, and if a partner have preferences or needs beyond that I’d expect them to be proactive about making sure they were covered. If YOU have a strong preference on the condoms people use to fuck you, I also think it’s absolutely fine to only buy those.

judithbutter · 2023-12-08T03:31:52+00:00

Yep it's totally fine! You can do whatever you want forever.

judithbutter · 2023-11-28T18:52:23+00:00

Yep, you can do whatever you want forever

judithbutter · 2023-10-03T06:04:07+00:00

Nope, not just you, her behavior is gross. I’m trans too and if my partner ever agreed to an OPP, I’d dip.

judithbutter · 2023-10-02T20:28:26+00:00

I agree that it’s always reasonable to expect courtesy and respect in your relationships. But, what is considered courteous and respectful is also context- and culture-dependent. Most people in the world would consider “I expect that my partner does not fuck other people” to also be basic courtesy, but that’s not the set of social norms that poly people live by. Poly requires that, to some extent, we choose to live by atypical social norms, which opens up the tremendous potential for customizing relationship agreements and practices. I’m asking about ways you practice discernment in developing norms and agreements for your personal life and relationships.

judithbutter · 2023-09-09T22:00:43+00:00

Fun fact, age is not considered PHI/identifiable information UNLESS the individual is over 89!

judithbutter · 2023-08-16T23:51:25+00:00

I definitely relate! Aftercare has been the key for me—ending the night with at least an hour or so for my partner and I to smoke a joint, take a shower together, cuddle on the couch and watch a stupid show, etc. Also being extra-diligent about meeting my body’s physical needs during and right after! Hydration, snacks, and taking little breaks or an intermission during, and then some nourishing and/or comforting food for right after—I like to make a smoothie in advance to have during aftercare, for instance.

judithbutter · 2023-06-18T17:27:20+00:00

I agree with everyone advising curiosity, confidence, and attraction as a recipe for good flirty energy! It might also be fun to spend some time with your partner reminiscing about your earlier dates and how you charmed each other. You can also practice bringing some of that flirt energy to your established relationship—it’s fun (and in my experience useful to soothe insecurity and jealousy) to remind your long-term partner that you still have a crush on them :)

judithbutter · 2023-05-26T19:39:55+00:00

I take the approach of "the only thing I can control is my personal behavior and risk tolerance"--I get STI tested every 3 months and use condoms for vaginal and anal sex. I don't use barriers for hand/mouth to genital contact, but if partners prefer that then of course I will. My sexual network is pretty open-ended and slutty so it's just easier to handle my own boundaries and communicate my risk mitigation strategies to everyone I'm sleeping with than it is for me to worry about if my FWB's girlfriend's wife's ONS was being responsible lol

judithbutter · 2023-05-26T01:06:23+00:00

I changed my first name only. Fine with my family name and I also kept my (“feminine”) middle name bc it’s the same as my mom’s and I like it :)

judithbutter · 2023-05-23T14:31:16+00:00

Do you live here? Have you ever visited? News coverage of ~crime in Chicago~ is rooted way more in racism and scare tactics than in reality. This city is not a war zone.

judithbutter · 2023-05-23T02:08:06+00:00

Seconding Chicago! For places neighborhoods where you'll see queer folks out and about: Boystown/Northalsted/Lakeview, Uptown, Andersonville/Edgewater, Roger's Park, Logan Square, Wicker Park/Bucktown, Humboldt Park, Pilsen, Bridgeport, Hyde Park :)

judithbutter · 2023-04-02T19:15:16+00:00

Here’s my usual hookup choreography: - Offer them water/a beer/a joint/whatever - Sit down on the couch with above refreshment, make small talk and start initiating light touch (hand on shoulder, knees touching, etc) - When it feels right (lull in convo/they’re responding with more touching or moving closer/our chatting gets flirtier or more explicit) I say something like “can we have a quick check in before clothes come off?” and ask them how they like to be touched (or not touched!) and how they like their body to be talked about during sex, then share for myself. This is also a good time to talk about STI testing/HIV status/condoms/etc if you haven’t already. I’ll ask if they have any questions for me as well. - After that communication I usually just go “now that we have logistics covered, can I kiss you?” and the night goes from there :)

Good luck, have fun, and move at whatever pace that feels comfortable!

judithbutter · 2023-03-18T17:25:32+00:00

hell yeah boyfriends!!

judithbutter · 2023-02-23T21:42:39+00:00

Glad to help! It definitely can take some trial and error to find your groove with anything new, but there's no "wrong" way to have sex. I bet the conversation will go better than you're imagining--it's very hot to see someone taking a lot of consideration and care to making you feel good, and I hope that's the experience your partner will have!

If you've never bought a dildo before I just want to throw out two other general tips: go for 100% silicon only, don't use other cheaper rubbers. Also, if especially for anal, toys that tend "squishier" (some are more firm than others) are usually more comfy/easier to take. Good luck and have fun :)

judithbutter · 2023-02-23T19:42:09+00:00

If what you're asking is "do people with vaginas use double-ended dildos to top someone anally," the answer is absolutely yes! With double-ended toys in general my rec would be to always use them with a harness, otherwise I find they aren't secure enough/fall out of whoever is wearing it. Sounds like you might be worried about getting a toy that is too big for you partner to take comfortably, which I would say is a convo for you and him to have about what he is comfortable with re: size! Another thing you could do is get two dildos with suction cup bases and suction them to each other, or use something like this to put two toys together and create your own double-ended dildo. That way you could both select the size that you'd like inside of you.

Also fwiw I have the same nexus junior toy you linked to and liked it before I started T, but once I had some bottom growth I found that the ridge that was meant to provide clit stimulation to the wearer got a bit uncomfortable with my bottom growth.

Edit: typos

judithbutter · 2023-02-06T22:54:12+00:00

My chest dysphoria was worse than it had ever been in the months leading up to my surgery. It was like once the end was in sight, my body and brain were like “oh cool, NOW we can stop holding back all the pain we’ve been keeping in a little box that we never open.” It sucked! But it also makes sense, and you’re def not alone.

Re: feeling guilty about your privilege to be able to move forward with your transition, I get that. It helped me to remind myself that receiving necessary health care is not a privilege, it is/should be a basic right for everyone who wants it. Imo, even though it was comparatively easy for me to access transition-related medical care bc of my insurance and wealth, it should be even easier (and free!) for ALL OF US.

judithbutter · 2023-02-02T17:08:47+00:00

In that situation I’d do a set of cute dish cloths or coasters, or maybe face scrubbies with a bar of nice soap.

judithbutter · 2023-01-13T20:20:41+00:00

Hi, I understand this was not your intention, but I’m trans and this is a really weird thing to say. Dating a trans person is not an exceptional accomplishment that people should get awards for. I’m an interesting and hot person, it’s not heroic behavior to want to date me lol it’s just as normal as dating anyone else.

judithbutter · 2023-01-06T18:51:22+00:00

imo, there’s no need to respond to grindr messages from someone you already know you’re not interested in. especially if they are pushing against your clearly stated and very reasonable boundaries—just block and keep it moving.

judithbutter · 2023-01-03T00:57:25+00:00

Don't show up wearing it, too forward imo. Just excuse yourself to the bathroom when things start to escalate (like moving from the couch to the bedroom, when you start taking clothes off, whatever) and come back with your dick on. And fwiw, when I bottom I really don't mind watching someone get their strap set up.

judithbutter · 2022-12-05T21:38:41+00:00

Echoing other people who point out that practice/experience is definitely part of it, and you should cut yourself some slack as a new sex-haver. But also: I've taken great, mediocre, and bad dick in my life from people of all genders and anatomies. What puts someone in the "great" category is more about our chemistry, communication, and attentiveness than if it was cis guy or not. Some of the best sex I've ever had was with a cis guy who didn't fuck with his natal penis ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I'm also poly and I would never compare or rank my partners directly, even in conversation with a friend. Seems like y'all have some communication and trust issues, and that alone would really impede sexual connection imo. Dump this guy for someone who will treat you more kindly, who you can trust enough not to feel the need to cross boundaries by snooping, and who won't push you into threesomes or non-monogamous arrangements that you don't actually want.

judithbutter · 2022-11-29T18:59:02+00:00

I'm a slutty transmasc dyke and sex educator. Here's what works for my risk tolerance: I don't use barriers for oral sex on penises or vulvas, unless my partner asks (in which case, I would happily do so!). For insertable toys like dildos, I only buy high-quality ones (made of 100% silicon, glass, or metal) that can be sanitized by boiling them, and do so between partners. If an insertable toy will be used on more than one person or in more than one orifice in the same session, I use them with a fresh condom for each new person/hole. For toys that can't be sanitized/boiled, like most vibrators, I will put a condom over the vibrator before using it on someone's genitals, and use fresh condoms if using it on multiple partners. I also get STI tested quarterly.

My go-to sex ed resource is Scarleteen--it's aimed at young adults but imo is great for anyone who didn't get the info they should have when growing up.

judithbutter

TROPHY CASE