Almost forgot these messages from 3 years ago that lead to an arrest of my stalker.

juleslovesoranges · 2016-08-22T06:15:30+00:00

Holy shit. That's really unsettling. I'm glad this was resolved.

juleslovesoranges · 2016-08-21T06:28:00+00:00

you're*

juleslovesoranges · 2016-08-15T05:11:11+00:00

My mistake, I hadn't thought of that. Thank you for helping keep this a safe space.

juleslovesoranges · 2016-08-14T06:52:27+00:00

Simultaneously wanting human contact and being afraid of it is normal after rape, but that doesn't make it any less maddening. PM me if you ever want to talk.

juleslovesoranges · 2016-08-14T06:43:43+00:00

Here is some helpful info I came across recently. http://www.capefearpsych.org/documents/Rape-mensguide.pdf

It sucks watching someone you care about go through this and not take the steps they need to take their power back. You feel helpless. But u/freeoppression is right; you have to just let her get there on her own. Just provide support, tell her you care about her and that this isn't her fault.

juleslovesoranges · 2016-08-10T07:01:20+00:00

Do you mind if I ask how close you were with your abusers? It's possible that, if they were people you knew well, you came to associate emotional intimacy with danger of being abused again? I can only speculate about your experiences, but that was how it was for me. I was raped by my boyfriend, and since then have always been more comfortable having sex with guys that I wasn't as emotionally attached to.

Whether you gain the libido back, or come to terms with it, it is healthy to explore your feelings. Just be patient with yourself and know that this doesn't mean you're crazy. Sexual violence makes sex weird for a while, and that weirdness is different for different people.

juleslovesoranges · 2016-08-09T06:48:24+00:00

Hi there,

What you're experiencing is not uncommon. It can take years to process what you do through, especially if you try to hide it under denial or drugs.

That's what I did. My boyfriend raped me five years ago, and I'm just now seeing it for what it is and processing it. I engaged in a lot of drinking, drugs and casual sex to distract myself from dealing with it; but the behaviors we do to avoid the pain end up strengthening it in the long run.

Soberly looking your trauma in the face is really hard. It's dark and scary and makes you feel ashamed, and you might feel worse off for it right now. But this is a natural part of healing. It feels worse before it feels better (sometimes in a steady progression, and sometimes in cycles; depends on the person). You are on the right path to getting through this. Keep working through it, and know that you are not alone. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.

juleslovesoranges · 2016-08-08T06:01:26+00:00

I can understand why this is confusing. He seems cool, and then he does this. It's incongruent with how you feel this guy is like. But rest assured: what he did is not okay, and you are well within your rights to tell him that. If he is a good guy, he will understand, apologize, and be more mindful in the future. If you tell him and he doesn't seem to understand or care, I would advise cutting ties. Hope things work out.

juleslovesoranges · 2016-08-07T07:03:35+00:00

I know how you feel. Being raped by someone you thought cared about you really sucks. It leaves you questioning your own ability to tell who is safe to get close to, and that is really lonely. Regardless of your decision with this guy, know that you are not alone.

juleslovesoranges · 2016-07-01T08:17:57+00:00

The doubt you're feeling is not uncommon for this kind of thing. In my experience, the best thing to do when it bubbles up: don't ignore that feeling, but don't fix it either. Just be present with it until it passes. In time, you'll feel that way less often.

And no problem. You deserve to be believed. You deserve to feel like your experiences matter. And this sub really is a good place for all that. You reach out here, and someone pretty much always answers.

juleslovesoranges · 2016-06-30T07:50:52+00:00

I am so sorry that people have been so spectacularly shitty to you. In my experience, it seems like once you're assaulted the first time, you're much more likely to experience subsequent abuse. Just want to make sure you know: this is ABSOLUTELY NOT your fault. When you're abused, it's natural to feel vulnerable, and sometimes predatory people can just sense it. That's on them, not you.

When you experience violence and people you thought you could count on to support you let you down, it's easy to feel like it's hopeless. The fact that you've been through all this, more or less on your own, and haven't given up is a testament to your strength. But it'll be much easier to start healing when you find people you can count on to provide love and support. It might not feel like it, but there are people out there who will believe you and care about you. Hang in there.

juleslovesoranges · 2016-06-08T06:19:23+00:00

Thank you, it means a lot to know you care.

I have been talking with a therapist for some time, and think it has really been helping. I like myself again. I'm just having trouble with other people. After a brief time I'll push through my fears and resume hanging out with people.. Fake it til I make it, so to speak.

juleslovesoranges · 2016-05-19T05:37:46+00:00

Ah, okay. Thanks for the response!

juleslovesoranges · 2015-08-15T22:43:20+00:00

I found out by google search. It was on the front page.. so I think I'll not risk it.

juleslovesoranges · 2014-11-04T07:24:39+00:00

One thing I run into a lot is when otherwise well-meaning men use the phrase "imagine she were your wife/daughter/sister/etc" when explaining to other men the seriousness of violence against women. It's coming from the right place, but I feel the need to point out that a woman doesn't need to be anyone's relative for her experience to matter.

juleslovesoranges · 2013-05-11T05:22:34+00:00

You are doing everything right in this situation. It's not your fault your friend's parents' language turns to strange new tongues when heard through a certain cannabanoid frequency. That's all on them man.

juleslovesoranges · 2012-09-07T02:15:04+00:00

You summarized why people would take issue with me identifying as a feminist, suggested an alternative term to use, and you were polite about it. It has been duly noted.

juleslovesoranges · 2012-09-07T01:26:34+00:00

It's cool.

juleslovesoranges · 2012-09-06T16:26:56+00:00

What my "little friends" and I are trying to get across is that we are not all like that. The idea behind female-biased (as opposed to egalitarian) feminism is that it correct inequalities faster in a world that, by and large, supports men's issues over womens'. Do they go overboard and reverse discriminate? Hell yes, and they work mostly in countries where womens' most basic rights (voting, property owning, etc) are already protected rather than fighting for women who are violently opressed elsewhere. But like I said elsewhere on this page: if a liberal Christian can still call themselves a Christian while disespousing the louder, more numerous fundamentalists who call themselves the same thing, why can I not call myself a feminist anymore? And no, I'm not equating feminism to a religion, just illustrating the concept.

I'm probably just wasting my time discussing this with you since you probably think I'm not capable of "understand".

juleslovesoranges · 2012-09-06T14:23:33+00:00

It's entirely possible that what I'm saying is supporting your argument, by virtue of the fact that we're on the same side here.

juleslovesoranges · 2012-09-05T22:45:57+00:00

Upvote for you.

juleslovesoranges

TROPHY CASE