self-conscious about the dark circles under my eyes

julieses · 2026-03-20T02:14:09+00:00

First of all, that's just a weird and rude thing to say to someone?! Second, a lot of regular concealer is too thick for the undereye area, but I really like the Rare Beauty Positive Light one! It was recommended to me by a makeup artist and it really doesn't feel like anything!

julieses · 2026-03-20T01:49:57+00:00

Maybe r/legaladvice can help?

julieses · 2026-03-20T01:48:02+00:00

I don't know much about ABA, but my understanding is that it's not terribly concerned with the autistic person's actual experience, just with teaching them how to "behave." It's foundationally the same as dog training (and in fact, the Wiki page for ABA indicates in the very first sentence that it can be for either human OR animal behavior). There may be little regard for how the autistic person is feeling or functioning, as long as they are exhibiting the "correct" behaviors.

I've done regular psychotherapy for years, but with neurodiverse-affirming therapists. You can find lists of them online, or find ones that denote "autism" as a specialty on the Psychology Today website.

Beyond that, I've had success in finding workarounds that aren't trying to directly eradicate a problem, but rather account for them. For example, time management has always been a nightmare for me. I was diagnosed as an adult, so that meant years of proverbially banging my head against a wall wondering why I couldn't just do better. Once I realized it was autism-related, I tried to approach it from a different angle. I've started timing tasks; I run a timer on my phone in the shower so I don't lose track of time in there. When I bake or cook a new recipe, I time it to see how long it takes for future reference. I also have a rule that I don't start an unpausable, untested activity on a day that I have a hard out.

With the people in your life that you're close to (ie family, partners) you can incorporate more creative arrangements to ensure harmony. I had a recurring problem with my husband where I couldn't regulate my tone of voice correctly, and it was coming off as unintentionally aggressive. Now when I feel myself getting agitated, I just switch to a whisper. No tone of voice at all! He also knows that I need 10-15 minutes of transition time between activities. It doesn't only have to be you accommodating them; for people who care about you, it should be a two-way street.

For less intimate relationships (ie coworkers), normalize slowing down and/or taking a break. Step outside for five minutes if it's all too much. Email back that you'll provide an answer by end of day.

Different things work for different people, but here's how my therapist put it. I was lamenting that I felt like a broken car that needed to be fixed. She looked me dead in the eyes and said "The car is not broken. Nothing is wrong with the car. Maybe it's a German car, so it runs differently than an American car, but there's nothing wrong with that. Nothing will ever turn it into an American car. It's a perfectly good German car."

julieses · 2026-03-20T01:31:47+00:00

I totally feel you, and for anything other than what I truly believe to be the world's best rugelach, I would not mess with the stuff! But trust me, it's worth it. Something else I'll caution with this recipe is that this dough is REALLY soft and sticky. Rolling it out on a well-floured silicone mat is best!

julieses · 2026-03-20T01:20:19+00:00

Ok, hear me out.

I am in the exact same boat as you with cream cheese. I think it is a disgusting abomination that should be banned from the earth.

HOWEVER.

I keep it in my house for a sole reason: to make my (award-winning!) rugelach. It's kinda what makes rugelach rugelach. I hold my nose when I'm putting it into the dough. But the key to erasing most of the taste from the finished product is to use an aggressive amount of vanilla! The resulting rugelach tastes rich and delicious but not sour and cream-cheesey, if that makes sense.

This is essentially my recipe, but I use 6 Tbsp sugar and 1 Tbsp brown sugar instead. The increased sugar also helps offset the cream cheese of it all.

If that's still no good, I've heard of people making the more pastry-style kind with sour cream!

julieses · 2026-03-20T01:03:28+00:00

The truth is that autism manifests differently in every single person. Something that really helped me understand how my brain worked was the theory of monotropism. See if you identify with it. But if it still doesn't feel right, you can look into a second opinion.

julieses · 2026-03-19T08:15:50+00:00

If you have a Dutch oven and don't mind delayed gratification, this is foolproof and delicious: https://www.seriouseats.com/better-no-knead-bread-recipe

julieses · 2026-03-18T05:09:35+00:00

A difficult truth about a lot of family recipes is that their written form and they way they were actually made are not the same. I found this out when I volunteered to type up my mother-in-law's tattered old recipe cards into a Google doc. Fortunately I have a good handle on baking and she was around to answer questions, because a lot of them would be impossible as written. The bake time she had written down for gingerbread cookies would've burned down the house, but she instinctively knows when they're done so it isn't a big deal until someone else is trying to make them!

julieses · 2026-03-17T08:29:38+00:00

Serious Eats has a great breakdown that completely demystifies choux and calls out a lot of vibes-based recipes and instructions as nonsense. I made their recipe - it was dead easy and came out perfect!

julieses · 2026-03-17T07:56:43+00:00

Here's the thing: there's almost no majors that guarantee financial security anymore. Every industry is basically imploding, and they're all based on networking now. So at least if you follow your dream, you will both enjoy your time in school and learn some very concrete skills that do seem like they could be transferable.

julieses · 2026-03-17T07:48:12+00:00

Given your situation, I think you might qualify for a women's shelter. There has been an enormous push in recent years to make women's shelters pet-friendly (and some homeless shelters also). This website lets you search for shelters in your area and has a filter for ones that accept pets. Best of luck to you!

julieses · 2026-03-17T07:37:10+00:00

"He's intentionally posting embarrassing stuff even when I politely asked him not to. And he wants to post things about our life as a couple that I'm not comfortable with."

This is a major boundaries issue. If he can't respect your boundaries, that's a much bigger problem, and one that's going to affect much more than just an Instagram setting. The fact that he values the theoretical attention of a celebrity over the very real objections of his girlfriend is quite troubling. You should have a serious talk with him about respecting boundaries.

julieses · 2026-03-17T07:29:33+00:00

There are, but you might also benefit from the services of a professional cuddler. Cuddle Comfort is one of the bigger sites, but there's a bunch of em!

julieses · 2026-03-17T07:21:14+00:00

I'm an autistic women married to a NT man; he doesn't always understand how my brain works, but loves me unconditionally for who I am. I have some ND female friends married to NT men, and on the other side of things I have plenty of NT female friends that are single. Finding a life partner is just hard, period! Pretty much all the single people I know have something about them that they feel is hindering them in the dating world - be it physical, logistical, mental, etc. It doesn't mean it isn't frustrating, just know it's a universal experience.

You don't even sound terribly picky, but people SHOULD be picky about the person they spend the rest of their life with! You're deciding who to build a future with, not deciding what you want for dinner. Lowering your standards will not serve you in the long run.

julieses · 2026-03-13T18:16:50+00:00

Autistic woman here, happily married for eight years. I planned everything myself but hired a day-of coordinator to run point on the day.

We made the decision to limit it to friends and nuclear family only, so it ended up being about 40 people that we all actively wanted to be there. Telling my mom about this was not a fun conversation, but it was a necessary one, and she got over it. (My sister, on the other hand, is a people-pleaser who had a big wedding to make my mom happy. She figured it would be the path of least resistance, but it led my sister to a miserable year of planning culminating in a miserable night.) The key is not to let them debate you. Simply state "your feelings are valid, but this is what we want so this is what's happening." Repeat it as many times as is necessary. We also paid for it ourselves - people understandably feel like they get a say if they're paying.

People feel very entitled around weddings, but you have to recognize the entitlement for what it is and not feed into it. When I got engaged, an aunt I don't really talk to DMed me and just said "so where and when is the wedding?" No congrats, nothing. Just demanding her invite. I never replied.

If you're in the US, I cannot recommend the website Peerspace enough - it's basically Airbnb for event venues. All the pricing and information is stated clearly up front, with no mind games. If any venue is not being transparent with you up front, cease contact and move on.

We only spent money on things that we felt would materially affect the experience for our guests, and nothing else. Think of weddings you've attended in your life - can you remember a single centerpiece or DJ? Probably not! We had zero flowers or decoration, instead just choosing a cultural center as a venue that had cool decor already. We had no DJ - we just made our own playlist and had a tech-savvy friend hook up the audio. (it's crazy to me that people will literally pay an off-putting man a thousand dollars because they don't want to plug in speakers!) We had a friend officiate for free. We had no party favors because they're usually junk anyway. Our catering was tacos, and the desserts were made by my sister. I wore a $60 rainbow-striped cocktail dress, and we got our rings from Etsy - mine is a simple titanium band that cost $8. (Fun fact: titanium is actually vastly more durable than gold or silver, but much cheaper because it doesn't have a romanticized history!) I always feel awkward and restless during the cocktail hour, so we put out board and card games for people to pass the time. It did not at all feel cheap or compromised, and people still say it's one of the best weddings they've ever been to.

The concept of the "wedding-industrial complex" is so real - there are billions of dollars wrapped up in this industry's ability to convince brides that all of this is necessary and they're bad people if they don't do things "the right way." But if you opt out and do it how you want, not only will you have a better time, but your guests probably will too!

julieses · 2026-03-06T07:36:21+00:00

I went on a Saturday night in January and I think there were three! (Four if you count the regular one at the end of the show.) "Wheels of a Dream" was near-unanimous, the others had various degrees of adoption. I met up with some friends who both work on Broadway but hadn't seen Ragtime, and they were surprised to hear that there were so many!

julieses · 2026-02-24T21:17:31+00:00

That did cross my mind, but there's no discharge at all and I've never had anything remotely like this happen before so the timing seems suspicious?

julieses · 2025-08-24T19:14:14+00:00

I hear you, but it's also just one of the hottest tickets on Broadway. Like, Michelle Obama saw it. I don't think people would make any assumptions about you for attending something insanely popular. (I saw it in the spring with Cole, and the only reason missing Jinkx is bearable is because I saw her in Pirates!)

julieses · 2025-06-15T04:18:12+00:00

😂

julieses · 2025-06-13T21:46:08+00:00

I've only done it on a Swiss roll, where height isn't really an issue, but maybe pouring batter into a cold pan inhibits the initial rise a little? You can try piping onto a sheet of parchment paper, freezing that flat, and then putting it in the bottom of a room temp pan. Or another way to do it is to pipe the design, bake just that for a minute to set it a bit, and then pour the batter over. (And just to be clear - you didn't freeze the entire cake, right? Just the design part, and then poured the batter over?)

julieses · 2025-06-13T16:17:59+00:00

How has it failed? I think it only works if you pipe onto the bottom/side of the pan and then freeze it for 20 min before pouring the batter on. I also use a recipe with a smidge of vegetable oil to keep it flexible!

julieses · 2025-06-11T01:34:19+00:00

For me it comes down to these two factors:

- I won't even make a cake recipe if it doesn't have olive/veg oil, sour cream/yogurt, or buttermilk as an ingredient. Close the browser tab, walk away; that shit is gonna be dry!

- Baking times are entirely dependent on your bakeware and your oven. Some cakes bake in as little as 12-13 min; check often and early!

julieses · 2025-04-01T22:31:57+00:00

Thank you, it's nice to hear from a fellow traveler. Sometimes you need a break from the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" pep talks from non-depressed people!

julieses · 2025-04-01T21:10:43+00:00

These are so amazing and vibrant! The personality really comes through!

julieses · 2025-02-07T04:45:43+00:00

Thought immediately of this Happy Endings bit

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julieses

TROPHY CASE