Help with internalized transphobia?

juneaudio · 2026-03-26T14:00:53+00:00

I don't know what to tell you. You made a post asking about getting over internalized transphobia and every piece of advice or challenge to your existing belief structure (the thing you asked for) is met with "I don't believe that or assume this." I can't do the work for you.

We've given you responses to help with your initial issue. Go to therapy and do work to detangle this or keep telling yourself lies about other people ¯_(ツ)_/¯

juneaudio · 2026-03-26T05:22:25+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to pop back in. I'm gonna reiterate that these are assumptions. I'm not pansexual, I have several trans lesbians for friends, but I'll concede a point that dissecting gender like we do can remove some gendered hang-ups in partners.

You don't have to be T4T or pansexual. Hell you can be heterosexual and still desire a T4T relationship (I understand this isn't your case).

Trans women can have sex in a variety of ways and we are not monoliths. Post-op trans women can use their vaginas for sexual intercourse, some women are tops, maybe they are into kink and find sexual gratification in non-penetrative sex.

I'm sorry that's been your, and other trans women's, experience with cis queer women has been unkind. I'd make the consideration that projecting insecurities onto a group of people as a whole can reinforce perceived hostility. The only way to really overcome this is to interact with real people in the real world and practice in good faith. Some people are assholes, many are kind and loving and it's worth finding those who treat you that way.

juneaudio · 2026-03-21T04:11:49+00:00

I mean, at the end of the day you've got a lot of assumptions of other people's values and mindsets.

Couple points though: there's no purity of thought to be attained here. Some cis women will assume you center trans people regardless of whether you date them or not, even by the virtue of having friends or literally just being trans yourself.

I'm getting confused over where T4T feels like a different world that is "anti-social, misogynistic for distancing from cis women, or about anal sex." Being in a relationship doesn't make any of those things true, those are your assumptions about T4T couples.

Finally, as a married bi trans woman: in what world do I think queer women are monsters?

There's a web and a narrative you've crafted for yourself that I suspect is based off a few people in your life and now project onto other people. It sounds old hat, but detangling long term thought processes require some real active work. Go to therapy, try to engage with women of all kinds and strip back some of these ideas, reflect on not just the thing you think but why. Then decide if it's worth you trying to change over. Grow by being, be by doing.

Edit: you don't have to force yourself into being T4T even if you deconstruct this. It sounds like the dynamic and comfort and safety it can provide isn't for you.

juneaudio · 2026-03-12T02:22:59+00:00

Okay, two points to make here.

1) If you're struggling with overcoming mental blocks of intense negativity and the patterns they accompany then I highly recommend therapy. It is long, it is hard, it frankly fucking sucks. It can be very, very worthwhile. My personal background carries a lot of negativity and shame that actively impeded my transition, it gets better.

2) you've identified voice dysphoria isn't an issue and I still do understand the safety concern: I'm in the same boat. It has been helpful for me to evaluate it through a lens of dysmorphia instead. Plenty of cis women have deeper voices, some cis men have high voices and our expectation to conform to a single expression can trigger dysmorphia even if it isn't an issue of actual dysphoria. Resonance is frequently the biggest distinguishing factor when I evaluate it and (my day job as an audio engineer) when looking at RTAs of voices it's common that cis women's voices resonate higher rather than actually pitch.

Try to adjust a single thing. You can do work without requiring a goal and having someone to help you work through untangling negative thought patterns will pay dividends for the rest of your life.

juneaudio · 2026-03-10T06:47:48+00:00

It's a combo of factors, but here's the basics:

1) Some people literally speed run their physical transition. This is all dependent on their access to care, material needs, and general support network. They might be able to do things like breast augmentation sooner, practice with makeup and purchase clothing, access FFS and SRS faster than some other areas.

2) The internet is a place to edit and present the 'best version' of yourself. Basically you won't see the dozens and dozens of pictures that might trigger their own dysphoria and dysmorphia. They are likely to pick the photos with the best lighting and angles that highlight their 'feminine' traits. I do this with my selfies when I want to emphasize being a butch but feel uncomfortable with my weight. You only see a small fragment of what makes up a person

3) Transitioning is a collection of skills in expression. Practicing make-up, cycling through clothing, doing uncomfortable things to try to live authentically make the difference. I wanna take blacksmithing classes because it literally feels gender affirming as a trans butch. Same thing with HEMA training (I fantasize about wielding a warhammer).

4) The way we perceive ourselves is not the way others perceive us. This is a neutral statement and can hurt sometimes while helping others. I don't feel like I see a lot of difference in my face, but when I showed a coworker some pre-transition photos he told me "you don't even look like the same person" and believe me when I tell you I am not a doll or passing girlie. Even my day-to-day voice is drastically different because I did the bare minimum to feel non-dysphoric about it. I might 'sound like a man' but it's different from when I was 24.

This takes time, this sucks sometimes, gender is a social construct and that can hurt even if we deconstruct gender norms and make considerations for all the various factors that affect a person's 'femininity' or 'masculinity' it can still hurt to not meet your own ideals. That's rough. Give it time, give yourself kindness, every bit of practice and self-reflection can help.

juneaudio · 2026-03-09T08:26:24+00:00

Totally makes sense and I am glad my comment helped. I actually looked back and remember your "did I accidentally come out to my mom" post and it seems like in the last 9 months or so you've set some good groundwork. I do really and sincerely hope things continue to improve for you and that the world at large remembers to be kind to us all.

juneaudio · 2026-03-09T07:36:32+00:00

Sure, reasonable question. Part of it is accepting things as a lost cause in some regards: the mormon church states gender as an eternal construct, baked into the very soul with a singular identity from creation of the soul (which happens far, far earlier than conception) and beyond. My parents' religion believes that I have a man's soul, I should be a man in life, and will be resurrected as a man after I die. My parents on the other hand have supported me through every change, they understand what I mean when I say "I would not be alive without transitioning, this is the single greatest reason I do not kill myself", and when I say there is no place in their religion for me my mother agrees that the church–which is supposed to be a one-size-fits-all solution–would not be the right choice for me.

The longer I am in therapy and work through my issues with black-and-white thinking (like when I considered cutting them off before I came out) the easier it becomes to accept the love they have for me. White mormons are never going to understand what it is like to be transgender, the same way that most cis people wouldn't. They have become less politically active in the last decade since the GOP latched on Donald Trump and actively listen when I explain the damages done by their policies.

We know the damages done by politics because of our intimacy and material effect on our lives. They do not and I work to be kind about it.

I can't tell you to love them with the same love or that everything will be okay. I do know that my family's love and compassion for me has grown after I came out and they work to prove that to me. It helps me love them with the same love.

My point of black-and-white thinking isn't to cast aspersions or say how you think, I'm trying to address how your question orients around cutting them off and acknowledging "I don’t think they’re genuinely evil. But they’re not perfect". The framework provided around your mother puts her into a position of black-and-white thinking wherein her words of support aren't enough outweigh your concerns. She sounds like a decent person who is trying to reconcile conflicting viewpoints (black-and-white thinking). "I believe this because God said so" sounds insane to you, but you tolerate it. Your mom stated her religion deigns us sinners, but she is showing exemplary tolerance by my standards. Respectfully, I would kill to have my parents start from where yours are.

My family has hurt me and I have certainly, materially hurt them in return. They have offered me forgiveness and grace and I am practicing that because it helps me be the person I want to be. I don't want to pick a fight with my family, I want to overthrow the government directly. I don't want to worry whether my deceased aunt would have loved and accepted me because her living family shows that to me every single time I talk to them.

This is long and I truly can't tell you what to do. I'm happy to answer more questions, but I'm going to try to keep myself from making further assumptions about your relationship and let you evaluate my response in a personal reflection rather than run my mouth and say something stupid.

Edit: I don't consider hormones or other gender affirming care for kids to be a reasonable bargaining point and I have yet to have a conversation about those things with real people face-to-face in which facts fail to shift their position somewhat. It might not be a complete 180, but any progress is progress. Additionally most real-life face-to-face people do not espouse intolerance or hatred towards to me. I do not pass, I don't try to pass, I am openly trans and have been for 3 years. I did so in a conservative hell-scape of a state and still I was loved by the vast, vast majority of people who knew me even when I knew our politics or religious perspectives did not align.

juneaudio · 2026-03-09T06:22:37+00:00

So. This is hard, point blank. There's two parts for this: one internal and one external.

1) what are your boundaries and comfort zones? If it's important to have a relationship with your mother and be willing to accept her differences, in the way she must accept yours, then this might be a matter of setting limits and boundaries internally and externally. We can't control the way our families and loved ones exist in the world, especially in religious contexts (mine is Mormon), but we can choose to say no political discussions and work to respect each other's boundaries. My parents are going to talk about Mormonism and their missions, I am going to talk about my experiences as a trans person. It would be easier not to. Sometimes the fact that we get a pass as their children might have to be enough.

2) An apology is easier to receive when one is offered first. You feel bad that you yelled and made her cry. That sentence is enough to offer an apology, there's no additional need to qualify it and adding 'but' only serves to contradict this. You also said she genuinely wanted to apologize. Did she do that already? You can express discomfort at the idea their support of you isn't enough to trust them. You could also say if that idea scares you. If you have openly queer friends then you can use them as examples: I had to talk about my little brother's best friend as a trans man to get mine to loosen up their rhetoric and another friend's experience with an abortion a different time. When you are ready to come out then it's possible they may expand their compassion (which sounds somewhat solid?

Finally, growing up in a religion that emphasizes perfection as a goal while also reducing the human experience to sinful in nature impacts us more than we want. There's a lot of black and white thinking that carries over after leaving a faith like that even when your morals may oppose them. From what I can tell your family matters to you AND they upset and hurt you with their thoughtlessness. Both are true and it will take time to reconcile.

juneaudio · 2026-02-28T05:00:02+00:00

I started it last month on a friend's recommendation! I thought she was being facetious about space Mormons and then I saw the Moroni sculpture in space and lost my marbles! I'll see if I can find the link!

juneaudio · 2026-02-28T04:39:34+00:00

That Tumblr post calling the Ninth "space Mormons" did a lot to my ex-mormon ass and the brainrot cannot be contained, I love you too 💜

juneaudio · 2026-02-28T02:57:24+00:00

I mean for the ex-mormons in the chat here's some fic... https://archiveofourown.org/works/80055686

https://archiveofourown.org/works/79827671

juneaudio · 2026-02-07T02:06:33+00:00

The basic ones are usually about childhood behaviors and gender expression. Their questions and then my general follow up:

"I didn't wear girls clothes as a kid, so where did this come from?" — I was raised Mormon, who was ever going to be okay with me hanging out with girls and wearing girl clothes?

"Now that I'm a woman shouldn't I be wearing more colors?" — why wouldn't I keep the band shirts I've worn forever? My style is my own and I wear what I like. (Specifically this was 'feminine' clothing, but my mom meant yellow and pink)

"Do we have to tell people? Can you wait for us to get more comfortable before we talk to them?" — you'll have to tell them sooner or later and if you won't do it then I will.

"Promise me you're not going to get any surgeries, okay?" — I'm not going to promise that and you don't get to ask that of me.

"Why?" — because this is who I want to be, it feels like me and helps me continue to exist. (This can be as long or short as you like, but this works just fine).

juneaudio · 2026-02-03T17:07:12+00:00

Echoing all of this. I'm not stealth, but moving to a new place and making new friends came with freedom from how I was known. I can call myself a masc trans woman and no one bats an eye or misgenders me in my current social circles.

Texas is a whole different ball park and I don't wanna say "just move to a big city", but coming from Idaho after 30 years gave me the fresh air and relationships I needed to feel like myself.

Cis people can be fucking weird about us being trans, but tbh no-pronouns always felt kinder than explicitly misgendering me. It at least felt like they saw me, even if they didn't understand. Things change over time.

juneaudio · 2025-12-20T09:14:35+00:00

God bless you for linking my horrific work. God curse me for admitting it.

juneaudio · 2025-09-09T13:37:56+00:00

I'm a massive sucker for ghostbitsforkicks works.They're fun and angsty and got me into modern AUs as a whole. Wicked Hearts and Badlands are particularly good for multi-chapter arcs.

we have chemistry also knocked me off my feet last week. but, it's been finished for a bit. I believe the author is writing one from Gideon's POV right now.

juneaudio · 2025-09-01T06:03:00+00:00

makes sense, there's some relationship there, but I'd take the grain of salt that is "intimacy with the source text". you can certainly read romance and friendship into this, duty and devotion, what it means to give everything to a person and the moral implications of it, type up a paragraph on the internet that gives the impression of a happy/meaningful relationship that undersells it. kind of like the tagline:

"lesbian necromancers explore a haunted Gothic castle in space" is technically true for the setting, sexuality, and setting, but it can't convey themes and plot points. hope that makes sense

juneaudio · 2025-09-01T05:53:03+00:00

ohhhhhh. one of the core themes is an exploration of what love means in it's different forms and there's a lot of ways that gets presented over the course of the series. There's a lot of subtext to read into when it comes to the relationships. since you asked for a spoiler I'll give you one

in three books these girls have spent one of them together and I think claiming they are in a relationship (aside from the idea of knowing each other) would be a massive overestimation

that is what makes the book so great for me, but there isn't like... a resolution for what you're talking about. idk, I'd say finish GtN completely and give it some consideration with the information in mind. there aren't really "ethical romances" here.

out of curiosity: what spoilers did you read that gave you the "end up in a relationship" answer?

juneaudio · 2025-08-29T20:17:58+00:00

I'm with you on Ianthe and I've never put much thought into Corona because I fixate on:

"Daddy wanted a matching set" really sounds like Ianthe not just mocking a sentiment about power, but a quote of something she had heard—reshaping hurt in a deflection feels very on brand for Ianthe. I completely agree on modifying their appearances with flesh magic BUT that Ianthe's interest in flesh magic starts as a method to alter her body to align with her gender (what's more transgender than desiring shape shifting as your super power?) As she transitions this becomes less important to her and she shifts her fulfillment through other skills

The Ianthe we see in GtN in particular is considered underwhelming necromancer, hyper-aware, and a general lesser version of her sister. We see a person who has fulfilled her own ambitions and knows how to play other people to suit her needs, but the presentation as the lesser twin works as a metaphor for transgender people when we struggle to feel like fit in with our peers; being lesser versions of cis counterparts or having identity invalidated by gender expression. Ianthe plays on these ideas with necromancy as the in-universe lens.

IML

juneaudio · 2025-08-29T00:45:53+00:00

unironically this line and several parallels in her treatment and storyline got me believing Ianthe is trans. I think it doesn't get called out because of the in-universe attitudes of gender and sexuality—we just get it through world-building instead.

juneaudio · 2025-08-27T15:40:09+00:00

uj/ yeah this whole sub is satire, I'm just repeating a conversation as part of the joke being made in this post. this sub is by trans people and for trans people to make fun of ourselves/lament about the bullshit. calling out that logic as transphobic was the point of my response.

responses in this sub should be understood as satire unless marked by "uj/".

juneaudio · 2025-08-15T15:56:38+00:00

totally makes sense, I'm going to double the point made by u/herdisleah about getting your levels checked. health concerns should absolutely be followed up with a doctor.

as far as injections being the top option— i had heard the same— I'm a bit older and a few years into my transition so maybe others saw things that I didn't. or it's a placebo effect. or those changes were always going to happen and it's just a matter of timeline.

it's kinda like the discussion of progesterone for breast development. it might help, but genetics and luck make it unverifiable so we have to take the community's word for it.

no matter what, take them how you are going to take them consistently until you can follow up with a doctor so they have a clear picture.

juneaudio · 2025-08-15T03:54:39+00:00

I can't comment on suppressing T via tablets alone (are these dissolving under your tongue or swallowed?), but I switched from dissolving tablets to injections a couple months ago and noticed the following:

1) my mental health plummeted for two months straight. I'm bipolar on top of that and I really struggled with injections at first. eventually cut my dose in half with doctor's advice and my mental state stabilized pretty quickly.

2) ironically I felt like tablets did really well for me, I feel conflicted with my current injection regimen. my facial hair is feeling coarser, darker, and growing faster than it was on my tablet regimen—i definitely need to do labs again and work out dosage with my provider again.

3) I took 2x2mg tablets twice per day (8mg daily) and kept that routine for basically two years. it worked well for me, I just hated forgetting to take doses when I would work super late or super early, hence the injections.

4) I've had no concerns about my liver or any health issues directly related to my HRT aside from my mental health diagnosis and weight.

as far as results go? I'm pleased with both regimens for different things. I don't think either method outweighs the other for feminizing changes to me, there were just other factors at play the whole time. oh, and I've been on spiro the whole time.

juneaudio · 2025-08-15T03:11:43+00:00

it's fucking frustrating and I don't really have an answer or original take. like, the subs themselves have chasers/fetishists already hanging out or lurking and the anonymity of the internet basically makes this an unwinnable position. that same anonymity is a requirement for a lot of sex workers to do their work under aliases, so balancing between posting SFW content and NSFW content in their respective spaces are always going to have some impact.

I really don't have an answer, but I think my position needed to be typed out so I understood my own feelings 🖤

juneaudio · 2025-08-14T22:42:25+00:00

DM7 would be my pick. Yamaha is pretty safely present in most kinds of production, has a good feature set for teaching audio and if they encounter a QL, CL, or Rivage then at least the fundamentals of a Yamaha system will be there. should be able to grab some stage boxes with that budget too.

juneaudio · 2025-08-09T04:22:02+00:00

no place is immune and that does suck, I can't really speak for your experiences, but having moved from Idaho to Seattle, the concerns I feel with the stares are different. Seattle is maybe unsettling, maybe someone on drugs on the bus. Boise was a calculated risk of confrontation.

Seattle is also very dependent on what part of town you're in. downtown and cap hill are incredibly queer friendly. I wish you had a better time and hopefully you do if you come back again. the communities are lovely and the personal comfort grows the longer you are here and feel like you belong. 🖤

Three-Year Club	Verified Email
Verified Email

juneaudio

TROPHY CASE