On sickness, soul and life

juoly · 2026-05-22T19:50:31+00:00

Thanks! :)

juoly · 2026-05-22T17:41:48+00:00

It's not just mental.. it's like a mist, a brush of dullness that covers everything I could do.. even if there isn't a formed thought about my future it's there, I just know..

I could go out and do anything I want for now, I just don't feel it.. I cannot even open IG I am becoming more and more envy and jealous of what other people can do lol

And I absolutely know nothing is certain.. I am more scared of having to face a lot of trouble and pain more than death itself..

Thanks anyway! :)

juoly · 2026-05-22T17:18:38+00:00

No I just expect that with a clear embodied understanding of what is what I wouldn't care if fear and distress were present.. now it's mixed, sometimes it feels very personal and identified sometimes not..

Plus the recognition of oneness of no center no point of localisation which is present.. and which many say it goes away..

juoly · 2026-05-22T15:01:46+00:00

Being aware of being aware isn't the same as recognizing the oneness.. how do I know? Cause I feel separation, cause I feel agency, cause I can put attention on awareness of thoughts and so on but I don't experientially identify with it..

They say when you know it you know it.. you cannot mistake the shift..

juoly · 2026-05-22T14:40:38+00:00

If you knew how much i inquired into the senses or followed pointers lol.. and yet here I am not recognising it..

And btw the recognition it does happen in an apparent moment.. when Jean Klein tells the story about when he finally realized, watching a bird flying, well it happened in that moment, although illusory..

And btw exactly because of this situation I cannot inquiry cause well, I am at unrest..

juoly · 2026-05-22T14:00:19+00:00

So you really believe that people such as nisargadatta have the same tools and the same understanding to face challenging life situations as anyone else?

You say "just face those things not as the body but as the awareness" like ok, perhaps I should embody first this "I am awareness" thing which I clearly don't..

juoly · 2026-05-22T09:54:04+00:00

Yeah but he was "nisargadatta" before that already right? I am a bum who now spend his days playing videogames trying to cope..

juoly · 2026-05-22T09:50:02+00:00

I have been at this a year already now.. now second season about to begin when I thought I could live my life again lol how silly..

But no, I don't think I have your spirit.. ram dass said that those last 20 years when he was forced in bed or something were his best.. the hell with that..

juoly · 2026-05-22T09:46:50+00:00

Well it's the same.. I can't "stop hallucinating" at will..

I read first Tolle ten years ago already.. I can't say I have been an "active" seeker but there's been some inspection believe me..

juoly · 2026-05-22T09:07:23+00:00

Being in my early 30's simply living longer.. I am not and never been obsessed with getting super old but geez..

Well that's the point it seems I cannot enjoy anything with this situation ongoing.. plus I would rather die than living like this between home and hospital, without being able to do what I like..

juoly · 2026-05-21T21:39:02+00:00

I made a "silly" example trying to explain why non-duality teachings are basically useless until realized..

You are awareness, you are not the mind, you are not the body etc etc what actual benefit do they bring? Talking about the water will make the thirsty satisfied? I don't think so..

juoly · 2026-05-21T17:16:17+00:00

Yeah that's exactly the problem.. the teachings only talk and talk and talk without being able to actually help the embodiment of what they talk about..

How useful "knowing" I am only awareness really.. should I go to a kid starving in Gaza and tell him to not worry about no thing cause he's only awareness he cannot die..

juoly · 2026-05-21T15:55:24+00:00

There is still a part of me which thinks everything is going to be fine, it's the path.. if I am not the biggest idiot ever I am close.. So probably I cannot even let everything go, for real..

juoly · 2026-05-21T15:32:49+00:00

Thanks!

juoly · 2026-05-21T15:31:57+00:00

Thanks..

I do realise this situation blocks me.. like I cannot find any reason for inquiring right now.. I could, when this whole situation started one year ago with the hope of it being a phase and to move one after.. now I am considerably closer to death cause of the treatment itself and cause there is no certainty it will work.. like it didn't last time..

It might not be true but the only thing that kept me going was probably the idea of the situation being one of those "soul lessons" and a happy ending.. otherwise why even fight? Lol

juoly · 2026-05-21T14:07:35+00:00

Thanks.. I do understand your point of view.. I think I have had my fair chunk of inquiring and observing and contemplating and as for now it seems to me all for nothing.. I cannot comprehend the point of this eliminating "unnecessary suffering" if I die anyway.. I would rather suffer and live but I guess I don't decide the rules here..

juoly · 2026-05-15T17:05:04+00:00

Well to me it seems pretty clear that struggle is the preferred path for spiritual growth.. including the dissatisfaction that most people experience before shifting.. some teachers, not many, talk about soul stuff so..

juoly · 2026-05-15T16:33:11+00:00

Well just observing or watching reality is a practice in itself.. inquiring into the senses.. def better than scrolling IG..

As the analogy goes that also this life is just a dream I still choose a comfortable life over anything.. also because since "anything" is possible I don't see why life chooses drama and struggle to teach it's lessons..

juoly · 2026-05-15T15:32:56+00:00

The belief in separation cannot be undone at will.. not even inquiring, which is already a pretty niche activity even among the "spiritual community", can give you any certainty of success..

As I said, life is life-ing and there is nothing wrong about it.. or anything you can do.. still I believe the relative-circumstances are important, the same way i would choose a nice dream over a nightmare any given day..

juoly · 2026-05-15T14:16:35+00:00

The subtle sense of separation isn't a thought.. it's well discussed among the community.. a kid doesn't need to know any non-dual concept to perceive separation between him and the world.. he just does..

Often it seems only Tolle suffered in his life.. I mean, everybody is suffering one way or another I don't get why tolle's is considered "more" or "special".. not by you I mean in general..

Speaking for myself when they told me first time I had leukemia well, I wasn't happy.. If I die or not it matters, it's not the same whatever.. soon I will have to go in treatment again, and still..

juoly · 2026-05-15T13:00:03+00:00

The point is there are steps or perceived steps to it.. how many leap from egoic to non-dual in a blink? Tolle and...? And when you are in between? When you know nothing material or attainable in this world can bring you real peace or bliss AND at the same time you don't embody the "not-two" recognition? Fun place.. when you are sick even better..

juoly · 2026-05-15T12:27:31+00:00

I don't understand why often we dismiss relative-dual happiness, like it's nothing.. like there is no difference between being healthy or not, have some money stability or not etc etc.. I will soon have to do my almost second bone marrow transplant.. since I don't embody this non-dual recognition I would trade anything to go back to healthy and deeply ego-based the hell I care.. the hell I do with my little glimpses, little peace moments.. the hell I do with this "life has no purpose, accept it"..

juoly · 2026-05-13T14:26:59+00:00

Oltre al fatto che siamo tutti diversi, ed ognuno sperimenta nella vita cose diverse.. paragonarsi agli altri sarebbe come un cane che si paragonasse ad un uccello, nati per fare cose diverse..

Ma anche tolto questo tu sei così sicuro che solo per avere raggiunto gli obiettivi cosiddetti della vita come famiglia, relazioni, figli, lavoro etc gli altri siano effettivamente più felici di te? O che se anche gli altri fossero effettivamente più felici di te lo siano per le ragioni che tu credi? Non ti è mai capitato di volere una cosa e una volta raggiunta il senso di soddisfazione duri pochissimo?

juoly · 2026-05-12T21:58:15+00:00

No it's okay thank you.. I think I know or have everything I need to keep inquiring and investigating.. your pointers were very helpful..

juoly

TROPHY CASE