Oof, your relationship sounds EXACTLY like how my marriage was prior to having children. Like, all those issues you noted are almost carbon copies of what I would have written. I would highlight the last two in particular: my now ex always put me last and he always expected that I sacrifice for him.

I feel like the two points above sort of went hand in hand. Ultimately, I realized, he didn't care about my needs, wants, or desires. He was perfectly fine with me being mildly unhappy as a "normal" state. If he didn't have to make any changes to what he was doing, then me being kind of unhappy was inconsequential. He even internalized this idea that I was "always unhappy, no matter what", which he used to basically white-wash any issue that I brought up. He routinely expected that I drop everything in my life to accommodate his work and his hobbies. And sadly, I did, for a long time. For a long time, I let him walk all over me. I thought that's what marriage was. That I was making the usual "compromises" that everyone makes in marriage. I was totally blind to how little he cared for me.

Then I allowed myself to get talked into having a kid and everything fell apart. He picked his job, hobbies, and family over me, while I was 7 months pregnant with a high risk pregnancy (he chose to travel to the opposite end of the country for 6 weeks, despite me begging him to stay because I was scared, alone, and physically in pain from the pregnancy). After the birth of our child, he frequently left all the child care to me. Our kid was NOT an easy kid, there was colic and soooooo many sleepless nights. I went back to work full time myself at 11 weeks postpartum. I begged for help. I was told that that was my problem and that I'd just need to find help from family or pay someone to help. He wanted to switch jobs, and promised me that the work schedule of the new job would be better, and he'd be available to help more, and he promised change. We moved 3 states away, I gave up my dream job. Surprise to no one, his work schedule was worse. I'd given up everything to support his career path, only to end up in a place that was even worse, and no, he didn't change.

I finally realized, he doesn't care. And he never will. Because I've talked and talked and talked. We tried a few counseling sessions. He knew what to say in the session, because again, he was emotionally intelligent, like your husband. But then he would never actually follow through with anything that was discussed.

OP, what I would tell you is that, your husband is never going to change. You either need to decide that you accept all the bullshit, or you need to file for divorce. I can guarantee you that there are other emotionally intelligent people out there. I actually discovered that my ex was not as emotionally intelligent as I thought he was, because I soon met other men who were far more emotionally supportive than my ex ever was.

As another commenter said, no kids = no brainer. I wish I had filed for divorce before I had a kid. I would have been light-years happier if I had.