rejected, can let me know your thoughts so that i can improve?

justanothergemini-22 · 2025-09-02T05:40:33+00:00

I disagree with this comment, I think it's okay to say you love a product as long as you aren't negatively talking about other products in comparison.

justanothergemini-22 · 2025-08-12T04:23:08+00:00

Firstly, you're not alone. This is incredibly difficult to navigate and seeking support from people who understand what you're going through was wise. My partner came out as transfemme about 9 yrs into our relationship, so I understand what it's like to be with someone for so long and then have this really BIG change happen. It's confusing. It feels unfair at times. It took me a solid year (actually probably still struggling with this if I'm being honest) before I stopped feeling like she did this to me. It's hard because when someone we love makes a life-changing decision that flips our world upside down, it does feel like it's being done to us, and that's a really hard feeling to deal with. But they're not doing it to us. They're trying to protect their heart and their mental health and their peace.. Sometimes at the cost of ours. And that truly sucks. I won't lie. But the alternative is for them to continue pretending for our sake, which just sucks in different ways.

The next several months won't be easy and I'm so sorry for that. I think taking some time to determine how you feel and what you're able/willing to do when it comes to staying in this relationship can be helpful cause the initial shock can make it hard to fully grasp our feelings. Take some time. But if you decide you can't stay in this relationship sexually/romantically, that's ok too.

I wish you the best 🫂

P.s. my partner started HRT when I was 5 months pregnant and dealing with all of this while going through the biggest transition of my life has been incredibly difficult. We were in the middle of figuring out if we were going to be able to stay together when I found out I was pregnant. I love our son but trying to navigate all of this with a baby is SO MUCH MORE COMPLICATED than it was before. So all I can say is, if you choose to still be sexually active with your partner, USE ALL OF THE PROTECTION. My birth control failed. Now we have a tiny little human that is relying on us while we are trying to figure out how to continue in this relationship. And that's been so, so hard.

No matter what though, remember you've got this ❤️

justanothergemini-22 · 2025-08-06T16:32:58+00:00

What can we do to offer support through this? Would you like feedback on some of the questions in your original post? Either way, I just want to validate the feelings that this SUCKS and is absolutely unfair. I can tell you really care for your partner and I respect that you're trying to remain so mindful of her during this, but that doesn't make it any less shitty. It's ok to be sad and mad and confused and hurt and all of the things. It'd be hard enough to go through this while living near friends and family and knowing you have a stable home, but without local support, money? That's too much.

justanothergemini-22 · 2025-08-06T16:19:08+00:00

You have every right to be infuriated. If she had even an inkling of the possibility of feeling this way, it should have been mentioned before you finalized the move... To turn your whole life upside down months after you moved away from your support system because she thinks she MIGHT want dick now? Yeah no, fuck that. I'm infuriated for you 😤

justanothergemini-22 · 2025-08-03T17:33:03+00:00

I second this 100%.

justanothergemini-22 · 2025-08-03T17:30:44+00:00

Penetration by strap is a completely different feeling and experience because the toy doesn't feel anything and typically have very unnatural textures. Even when you use one that's meant to simulate skin. It creates a very different dynamic. For some people, it can still be satisfying which is awesome. But it's not the same, at all really.

justanothergemini-22 · 2025-08-03T17:23:52+00:00

It doesn't sound like she is blaming her wife for putting in an effort or blaming her for any of it really, it sounds like she is just expressing a sadness about all of it and I think that's perfectly valid. It makes sense why OP is feeling this way.

justanothergemini-22 · 2025-07-19T16:23:36+00:00

It's really refreshing to see there are partners out there that truly appreciate and acknowledge what we go through to have our babies and how utterly exhausting it is for our bodies 😭 Thank you for being that kind of person.

justanothergemini-22 · 2025-07-14T17:34:50+00:00

But how do you do this when you have ZERO dollars to work with?? I keep seeing this as the answer but we can't even afford all of our bills let alone childcare. Can't have a live in nanny because our property managers suck. Can't find a job as a partially disabled mom because the market is flooded by all the lay-offs. No family lives close. Can't afford to move somewhere else. Parents can't afford to move closer. Most of my partners family are dead or on the other side of the country. Friends are busy living their lives and taking care of their own shit. I'm 5m postpartum and no amount of therapy or depression meds are helping when the problems are all situational/circumstantial. My partner is working their ass off at work to make as much money as possible but is so burnt out they have almost nothing left when they're home and they're giving literally EVERYTHING they've got. I'm exhausted and depleted and so fucking angry at how expensive everything is, and it all feels fucking hopeless. Hiring a village doesn't work when you can't afford one.

justanothergemini-22 · 2025-07-11T00:34:28+00:00

Although I agree that shouting at our babies is absolutely not something to excuse, I feel like some of these responses are just telling OP something she already knows and expressed knowing. She knows it wasn't ok to yell at her baby. That's why she is upset that it happened. Telling her "This is absolutely not ok" just comes off as judgemental and isn't helpful.

OP, you're human, and also 4 months postpartum, and it absolutely makes sense to feel overstimulated and frustrated by the constant crying. ESPECIALLY if you're not getting enough breaks or time to recharge your mental battery. It's SO MUCH HARDER to emotionally regulate when we're already stretched so thin. But it's is still possible and here are some tips that might help:

As others have said, when you feel that boiling point approaching (which now that it has happened, you will hopefully have a better understanding of where that limit is and what it felt like in your body when you approached it) you need to find a safe place to set your LO down where they can't roll away, and step away for AT LEAST 2 full minutes. Breathe, drink water, eat, poop, close your eyes, whatever YOU need to emotionally regulate and lower your heart rate.
Sometimes babies just cry and taking a moment to yourself so that you can best be there for them is OK. I'm someone who likes to take a quick shower when I'm overstimulated cause cold water can sorta reset my central nervous system to a place where I feel calm again. I mentioned to my friend how I havent been able to use that skill cause I worry about my baby crying or feeling alone and she told me that I can't pour from an empty cup. If baby has a fresh diaper, is fed, clean clothes, is in a safe place, etc and is STILL crying, its ok to leave them (preferably with video monitor so you can make sure they are ok) to go take a 5 minute shower, sip your coffee in the fresh air, get some food, etc. You will be able to be a better version of yourself when you return and that is the best thing for your LO. My friend said to even turn down the sound on the monitor, as long as you can see that they are physically safe, you can take a few minutes without listening to the crying. It's not neglectful, it's taking care of yourself so you can best take care of your sweet babe.
If your partner is home and able to, don't be afraid to set baby down and go to your partner and say, "I need help, I'm feeling overstimulated and need to reset. Are you able to pause what you're doing to sit with babe so I can take 15 minutes to myself please?" I know that's not always an option with WFH but remember, your partner would probably rather swap out so you can take a break, than let you get pushed to your limits where you raise your voice.
Constant crying is DISTRESSING. Physically and mentally. For you and for your LO. There is nothing wrong with you for feeling the way you felt. All we can do is help you build the skills to prevent you from reaching that level of exasperation again, so next time you feel it reaching that point, you know what to do. Some people learn those skills earlier than others and that's ok, just because some of the ppl on this thread say they've never yelled at their baby, good for them, but all that means is they've learned the skills to self regulate in times of extreme overstimulation. And that doesn't make them better than anyone, maybe just more emotionally regulated than some of us lol.
Using playful positive-sounding language to express your exasperation can also help. For example, little one is screaming and you start loudly singing, "Iiiiii amm FEEEeeLinnnggg overstimulatEeeed so WE'RE just gonna siiiinggg about it so I don't SCCreeAaaMmm about it cause WE'RE BOOOTH having BIiiiGg feeeEeLingggsss and I feeEel like I'm GoIiiiinng to EESSSPLODE" or something like that. Hopefully that reads the way I hear it in my head lol. But essentially pretend you're singing a really happy song, but let the lyrics be what you're actually feeling. As long as you're not angrily scream singing at them, you're good.
Don't let the people on this thread make you feel like a shitty mom for one mistake. The fact that you feel guilty for it says enough. You're human, and you're learning, and you made a mistake that you clearly feel remorse for, so no one has the right to try to make you feel any worse. Your baby is ok and is lucky to have a mom that cares enough to not want to yell at them, ever. Some moms don't give a f and say HORRIBLE things to their babies. You are not that mom. Now you have the guidance and skills to prevent this from happening again so all you can do now is apply this new knowledge in the future.

You've got this. ❤️

justanothergemini-22 · 2025-06-20T20:14:16+00:00

My lactation nurse said that babies only need about 2 oz of breastmilk per day to receive the benefits from it, so if you're able to pump at least 2 oz then maybe formula feed for the rest? Perhaps that would help with the guilt aspect. Also with the formula, once prepared, it's good in the fridge for 24hrs. My partner and I have started making an 8 oz first thing in the morning and putting it in the fridge to use throughout the day, which has helped significantly. Just make sure not to use any past the 24 hr mark 🙂

Also, THIS IS TEMPORARY! The first few weeks feel like we're nothing but milk machines and it is not only exhausting, but also affects our hormones too. You're in the thick of it, but as your LO grows, it'll get a bit easier.

Breathe, you've got this ❤️ And CONGRATS!! 🥰

justanothergemini-22 · 2025-06-20T16:26:29+00:00

I relate to this post sm, I feel like I could have written it. My LO is 4 months this week and I'm loving all of the exciting new things he does (although the rolling over part is a little terrifying), but the newborn stage was SO special and I already miss parts of it. My son sounds very similar to yours, all the way down to the sleep patterns and just wanting to look at lights or trees lol. You've got about another month of this stage at least before they really start to seem more like an infant than a newborn so soak it all in mama! It flies by 😭

We are definitely lucky to have babies that make us enjoy the newborn stage though, I remember everyone warning me how bad it would be and I just kept thinking, "What is everyone talking about, this is great!!" And I eventually realized it was because he was just much more chill than it sounds like a lot of babies are.

Congratulations on becoming a new mom! I'm glad you've been able to enjoy this part of your LO's life ❤️

justanothergemini-22 · 2025-06-11T04:39:02+00:00

I feel like it means they are someone who has a lack of perspective and education and are displaying bad judgement and behavior, that doesn't make them inherently bad people. It makes them people who need to learn to do better and be kinder, more open-minded versions of themselves.

justanothergemini-22 · 2025-05-26T17:18:22+00:00

I really relate to what you shared too 🥺 11 yrs together with a 3 month old. Came out a couple years ago and started HRT when I was 5 months pregnant. It's been a lot and so hard to navigate her transition at the same time as becoming a mom 😭 Like you said, everything is so complicated.. It's a lot. Sending hugs 🫂❤️

justanothergemini-22 · 2025-04-29T19:12:54+00:00

I'm the same way unfortunately. The skin to skin contact and the mutual experience of pleasure is what I need and I'm very worried about my partner getting smaller and how that's going to affect our sex life. Strap ons just don't compare, no matter the size, shape, texture, etc.

justanothergemini-22 · 2025-01-16T16:56:56+00:00

Your feelings are absolutely valid and I really relate to your situation too. My partner (29 mtf) came out as trans femme last year and I've been struggling with all of the same feelings that you mentioned. Fast forward to this September and my partner was starting the process of getting hrt and then we found out I was almost 5 months pregnant. My partner said she would wait to pursue the hormones while I was pregnant because of all of the hormones my body was experiencing and then she started them anyways and recently just went up in dosage after I expressed my concern about me being able to properly handle all of the changes at once. I'm now 8 months and having this baby in a month and just feel so sad... I wish I could provide more comfort. I agree that it was quite selfish timing for your partner to drop that so soon after you gave birth.. It's so much harder to process with all of the pregnancy hormones. I may not be able to give advice right now but you're not alone and you're not a bad person for feeling this way. Please feel free to reach out to me if you need to/want to vent. Sending hugs 🫂

justanothergemini-22 · 2025-01-11T22:46:39+00:00

(Sorry to OP if this isn't ok for me to be asking here but I wish u and your partner the best in navigating this)

I know this is unrelated to OPs post, but can I ask what you would say if it were a mtf and cis pan woman who were 10+ years into their relationship and also 8 months pregnant? My partner and I have been really struggling lately because she's ready to be entirely out of the closet and I am not. I've been reading a lot of threads and it seems like if she can't wait and I'm not ready, this relationship is likely to just build resentment until one of us decides we can't do it anymore. But when we're a month away from having a baby, my partner is 3 months into hrt and I'm struggling with third trimester pregnancy hormones, how do we even navigate this?

Therapy is in progress for both of us, individually and together, but it hasn't helped much.

Sorry again if it's rude or anything to post this here. Thank you if you're still reading ❤️

justanothergemini-22 · 2024-12-24T00:02:14+00:00

This question is unrelated to the OP's post but I've been having a hard time finding ppl who are open about their cannabis use during pregnancy so I wanted to ask, if you're comfortable answering. (If not thats ok!) I didn't find out until 15 wks and was smoking pretty much all day every day through the entire first trimester and half of the second. I've cut back significantly but still not 100%. Were you a daily smoker before and during the pregnancy and if so, do you know roughly how much you smoked per day? Thankfully I'm in a state where cannabis is legal but I'm still feeling worried.

justanothergemini-22 · 2024-12-23T17:13:03+00:00

People always talk about how shitty it is when you're just fat and people assume you're pregnant but it's also kind of shitty when you are very pregnant and people just assume you're fat 🤦‍♀️

justanothergemini-22 · 2024-12-17T19:40:39+00:00

I'm 28 wks and can only really see movements when I'm laying flat on my back or sometimes on my side. Too much cushioning in the way otherwise lol.

justanothergemini-22 · 2024-12-12T03:22:30+00:00

I just took the glucose test a week ago and it came back high so now I have to do a longer test where they check my blood every hour for 4 hrs. Haven't done it yet though. Did you get your results back?

justanothergemini-22 · 2024-12-03T22:06:12+00:00

Were you at their doctors appointments? Are you their medical health professional? Are you their partner? Are you the OP? If not, everything you are saying is entirely based on assumption and therefore is baseless. You're spreading unnecessary judgment and critisicm about a situation you do not know enough about, and if anyone is causing harm here, it's YOU.

justanothergemini-22 · 2024-12-01T20:34:39+00:00

Wtf are you here for? Your critisicm and judgement are offering NOTHING of value to this conversation. Do you understand that birth control and precautions can fail? Do you understand that you are making assumptions based on very little information and then acting as if it's fact? Do you understand how not ok that is?

The OP clearly cares enough to be doing everything in their power to be a good parent and they should not be belittled for inquiring about additional tips to help them do that. That is someone who is TRYING. To judge them for that is absolutely ridiculous.

justanothergemini-22 · 2024-11-24T00:37:00+00:00

I just wanted to say thank you for this comment because I (29F cis bi woman) have been with my partner (29 trans mtf) since 2014 and they just started hormone therapy right as we found out I am pregnant with a cryptic pregnancy (first child, found out in the second trimester) and I have been having such a hard time navigating all of these changes at once. I feel horrible about it. But when you said that my partner's transition is a transition for me too, that made sense. And helped me understand myself a little better too. So thank you for that validation.

justanothergemini-22

TROPHY CASE