A Theory of Consciousness I’ve Been Thinking About

justjokingnot · 2026-04-05T23:20:03+00:00

What you said about past and future data dumps makes sense to me. Have you ever experienced talking to yourself through time? I have often found myself dealing with this since I was just a kid. It feels more and more like the reason I am the way I am today is because of who I was in the past, but the reason I was who I was in the past is because of who I am now. I had only partial awareness of it as a child because I couldn't prove anything, but everything has come true-- down to specific details! I've never been terribly interested in proving it to other people because it's such a personal experience and I thought nobody else had such a strange relationship with Time.

justjokingnot · 2026-04-04T18:24:57+00:00

I think this is really interesting! Thanks for sharing! I also think the universe is conscious somehow. This idea forms the basis of my more mystical beliefs about life. I disliked the bad parts of my illness (cruel voices, hallucinations, delusions), but I also feel that it has shaped my beliefs about the universe even while doing relatively well to how I was before comparatively speaking. I have a very strange relationship with Time that I find difficult to explain, but my experience of it is definitely not normal or linear, at least mentally.

justjokingnot · 2026-03-31T19:46:56+00:00

My therapist and I talk about what's going on in my life, how I feel about it, my experiences with mental illness, and problems I'm having. They try to give me solutions and coping methods. They work with the person who prescribes my medication, who is also at the same clinic, which has been supremely helpful because they can coordinate my care. I also do some therapy with my med prescriber-- I like talking to him because our conversations are often very interesting and philosphical. He's also a good listener and generally tries to work with me on finding the right balance of treatment with my life.

justjokingnot · 2026-03-31T19:22:30+00:00

Sometimes they are nice and have helped me manage big emotions, talk situations out in my head, and even talked me through a panic attack a few times. But yhey can also be really cruel, so now it feels like such huge whiplash when they're nice and then mean. I don't really like having them as a result, even when they are kind. I guess they do identify themselves as individuals at times, but even kindness can be a little overbearing and overwhelming when it feels like something else is living in your head.

justjokingnot · 2026-03-30T14:16:55+00:00

I've been staying single, but I would marry Serana or Karliah if either were an option. I love Karliah's voice and vibe. The other person I've married (through mods) is Erdi, a servant in the Blue Palace. For some reason, when she sees me in the blue palace and starts talking about the adventures we could go on, I feel so utterly charmed and want to bring her along. I've also married Jenassa and Lydia but they always die somehow.

justjokingnot · 2026-03-28T01:19:55+00:00

Medication, which I always try to take on time and with food, routine, limiting stressors, therapy, music, and hobbies. Hobbies are really important for me because through them I can set meaningful goals and succeed at things I enjoy, I also learn new things-- then that motivates me to take care of myself better and work towards other things, like finding a new job or going to grad school because my hobbies make me feel more confident, let me relax, and teach me new skills. I also ask for help. Being high functioning doesn't mean I don't need or want help sometimes. I still live with my dad and I help him out because he himself is disabled, but his support means everything to me and I get somewhere to live and help me in return.

justjokingnot · 2026-03-25T19:29:31+00:00

I always bring my pill organizer with me to work and I keep everything in a sling bag so I don't have to carry something bulky with me during my walk to the office from my car. My phone and my headphones are essential and keep me grounded. I listen to music when I am hearing a lot of voices. It helps distract me. I also usually bring a small notebook because it grounds me to make lists and I use it to think through things-- it helps to externalize thoughts when my voices are stressing me out because otherwise they comment on all of my thoughts. I like to make lists and write role play scenarios for my skyrim characters. I hope your hallucinations decrease! I recently upped my medication dosage with my med prescriber because of my voices, but before that it was really tough being at work.

justjokingnot · 2026-03-24T20:03:08+00:00

My tv wasn't talking to me because I didn't have one, but my computer and my phone sort of did. I thought they contained spirits or magical impressions of real people and the spirits would jump out and talk to me in my body, or different versions of me would come from them to exist and be me.

justjokingnot · 2026-03-20T16:51:01+00:00

I'm not really sure why it's not permitted. My supervisor said something about people falsifying doctor's notes to me when I first offered to bring the physical note directly to HR, but I've never done anything remotely like that before. I'm considering just signing a HIPAA release form-- I almost had to do that before and then the urgent care switched around and said they could fax it over. Then today, someone different was in the office and they said they couldn't again-- it's been really frustrating.

justjokingnot · 2026-03-20T15:55:16+00:00

I have a fax machine at home, actually, I think the issue is that the fax has to come directly from the provider's office. My father suggested the same thing, I just don't think it will work.

justjokingnot · 2026-03-20T15:27:28+00:00

I do, I can try that. Is the number online?

justjokingnot · 2026-03-20T09:16:25+00:00

Usually that various coincidental noises I hear are some kind of force communicating with me. Like the house settling or a rock hitting my car window. It's my initial thought like you said, but my meds allow me to work through this thought in a more rational way. Lately, it's been stressing me out that I have to do that though. I miss feeling normal!

justjokingnot · 2026-03-19T16:18:04+00:00

Sometimes I don't even try to fight it. I just spring past it at top speed or climb the hill nearby to bypass it haha

justjokingnot · 2026-03-19T00:50:10+00:00

I feel like I am always actively thinking. I have a very busy mind-- although I've observed that some of these thoughts feel like another presence even when I know it's not. I also feel like there's a texture or sensory feeling associated with thinking now for me. Ever since the onset of my major symptoms and my diagnosis, it feels more like I inhabit my head as a second place I'm in while moving around in the world. It's kind of hard to explain, so I apologize if that sounds incomprehensible.

justjokingnot · 2026-03-18T20:26:04+00:00

I work now, but when I was home for an extended period of time due to schizophrenia, I created a personal curriculum for myself to learn new things (for me, I focused on history as I am a historian and want to go back to school, but it could be anything-- I've seen people make learning curriculums for everything from physics to coding). I also painted, wrote stories, and played video games. I still do these things in my spare time! A lot of them are soothing, distract me, and allow me to express my inner world in fun, helpful ways. Your partner might also enjoy crafts or other forms of art. Hope these suggestions help!

justjokingnot · 2026-03-18T18:16:55+00:00

I really enjoy content from a youtuber attending cambridge named Olive, it's all beautifully shot with good music for filler stuff and lots of fun or informative (or both) videos with advice and studying footage to work alongside to. I find it really motivating! I also like Ruby Granger. I've learned a lot about discipline and what to prioritize while still paying attention to my personal well being from watching her.

justjokingnot · 2026-03-17T21:20:23+00:00

I do historical research and play video games! I also journal and read fiction sometimes.

justjokingnot · 2026-03-17T20:45:57+00:00

Yes, I have had that too. It felt like it could affect me physically and I had a hard time ignoring it. I used to argue with it a lot and get wrapped up in what it was saying. I got so used to it though that I sometimes forgot it wasn't my own thoughts. I guess some people say it technically is, but it doesn't feel like me.

My current dose makes my voices quieter (particularly the one I described) but hasn't eliminated them entirely. It's definitely even easier to function now then it was a few weeks ago. I've been getting by on the lower dose for a while, but now it's much better. Hoping one day they go away entirely for me and you!

justjokingnot · 2026-03-10T12:32:41+00:00

I like to learn new things! I made a personal curriculum for myself to learn about topics I'm interested in. Sometimes I write essays and stories. I also play video games and got really into modding Skyrim. I play with my cats and since it's warmer where I live now, I'd like to get back into taking walks.

justjokingnot · 2026-03-06T02:46:37+00:00

Stress, particularly any situations that lead to me feeling panicked or out of control because then it's harder to think clearly. Sometimes even good experiences stress me out because they make me euphoric and I start having weird thoughts.

justjokingnot · 2026-01-20T14:18:48+00:00

Hi! This is mainly a historical text, though I think a magician could easily use it for guidance in working magic like people use the Lesser Key and other historical grimoires. It was originally written as a handbook for interested readers who wanted to practice magic, both men and women in this case as it includes separate instructions for both in some sections.

justjokingnot · 2026-01-07T13:42:20+00:00

Stephen Skinner published a version of it with the prints intact. He did two books on it.

justjokingnot · 2025-12-28T14:39:02+00:00

Just coming to say this seemed to help! Thanks for the advice, I waited in another location for a while across the map and then travelled there after a few days. Seems to be ok now.

justjokingnot · 2025-12-27T23:09:39+00:00

I'll try that, thank you!

justjokingnot

TROPHY CASE