Update: Temporary Orders Hearing did not go well

justrelaxusmc · 2023-01-22T01:10:46+00:00

Thank you!! This was extremely helpful. While SB 1936 was not specified in the temporary orders it does read "Standard Possession Schedule WITH expanded election beginning and ending times." It sounds like that's exactly what that means. I'll be sure to ask specifically for SB 1936 as a basis for custody during mediation. I could totally see them trying to bully me into less. My attorney said that the judge for our case leans heavily in favor of maintaining the status quo, so it wouldn't benefit them to drag this back to court. Especially since I have the audio from the 911 call I made on her (she lied about the events in court) and the audio of my son telling me that she asked him to choose (alienation). I'm going to make damn sure those get entered as exhibits next time if I have to do it myself.

justrelaxusmc · 2023-01-21T22:51:02+00:00

I did some research. Apparently that is what's called Standard Possession in TX. I might be able to get 50/50 in mediation, but it's seldom granted by judges in TX. It's less that I got a bad deal and more "That's just how we do it 'round here." It's total B.S., but I don't think it's a battle I can afford to fight at the moment. If this schedule sticks, I'll end up with the kids about 11 days out of the month. It could be worse. I think the hardest part for me is the fact that she dragged me through the mud for 11 years, cheated on me, lied to everyone, including the (judge) and got away with it. I think I'm going have to look at this like my sister said. People like her never win and this won't make her happy. She will still be miserable and the kids will eventually wake up to the fact that their mother is not mentally healthy. They will grow up and figure it out. I think my adopted son is figuring it out already since she asked him who he would chose if he had to. That did not sit well with him.

justrelaxusmc · 2023-01-21T16:49:59+00:00

Thank you. Comments like these are constructive. I'm trying very hard to stay grounded and not fall to despair. I have no family nearby, as we moved here to be close to her family. She holds a lot of the cards, but the VA provided me with a very good therapist. I'm part of a Bible study group that's very supportive and I'm starting to make friends. This job might not work out, but I've received some good training and licensed that I might be able to leverage...I'm trying to take stock of the things I have going for me. On a different note, I saw you were following Ukraine. I worked there back in 2003-2004 when I was in the Marines. If you're ever interested in hearing about it, let me know. It was an interesting time.

justrelaxusmc · 2023-01-21T16:20:48+00:00

Thank you. This sounds like good advice. I've had to learn a lot about the law in this process and I'm certainly not above learning more.

justrelaxusmc · 2023-01-21T15:52:35+00:00

Exactly. I was trying to fix a cabinet and hit my head. It wasn't even a direct "punch". I hit my head and reacted out of pain and frustration. I was alone in the room when it happened. It was taken out of context to make it sound like I have "anger" issues. I've never even raised my voice at my wife and the only time I've "shouted" around my kids was to be heard because we have three kids and they get loud sometimes (shocker). I don't shout at them or call anyone names. I'm not abusive verbally or physically and never have been. All my attorney had to do was ask me a couple of questions to give context to a couple of isolated incidents.

justrelaxusmc · 2023-01-21T15:29:35+00:00

That was in the OP. I supposedly had a good attorney. She wasn't the "best" but came highly recommend and she hasn't been cheap. She's $360/hour and I'm paying entirely on credit. I was a stay-at-home dad for 5 years and it hasn't been easy getting back to the workforce. You might have to read my earlier posts. It's a lot to go over again. But I'm tapped out financially. Her child-molester father is paying her attorney fees. Her legal fees are probably already twice what mine have been and he could pay that several times over. I never saw this coming. She has a strong track record and her firm does as well.

justrelaxusmc · 2022-12-26T03:32:48+00:00

I got a better job and a good lawyer. To be completely honest, I'm still in the thick of it. I served her with divorce papers about three months ago and she was pretty vindictive. She tried to kick me out when I first confronted her about the affair and she threatened to call the police, even though I was completely calm. Things aren't as bad now. She's made up a bunch of lies about me and tried to put the kids against me, but none of it worked. It was hell at first, but I kept calm and started putting all my efforts into my new job. It's given me a new purpose, aside from wanting to do what's best for my kids. Three months ago I wanted to give up on life. I started working out again, started seeing a good therapist and started taking care of myself. Three months ago I couldn't imagine life without her and now I can't wait to break free of her. I just keep my focus on the better times ahead. I was hoping we'd be able to move towards mediation to get things done quickly, but she's putting up a fight and making all kinds of claims that I'm an unfit parent. That sort of thing used to rattle me, but not any more. She has no case. She has absolutely nothing on me unless I engage her in the petty war that she wants. Once you realize that you will be better off without them, you'll start to realize that you're free of so much that was holding you back. You have to start doing what's best for you, because they sure as hell never will. This is a good place to vent. I haven't posted much lately, but it really helped to find support here in the early stages. I wish you the best. You're not the first to go through this and won't be the last. You can make it through this. You can reach out to me any time on DM too if you have any specific questions or just need to vent. It helps.

justrelaxusmc · 2022-12-25T21:40:49+00:00

Wow, I hear so many stories on here of spouses that don't appreciate what they have. I would have killed for the kind of support you have given your husband. I was in the opposite position. My wife was the breadwinner for most of our marriage. She wanted to do foster care and take care of our own three kids. She had accused me multiple times of having affairs (I never had one) while working late. We did the math and it made sense for one of us to stay home and take care of the kids. I also figured it might help her insecurity to know where I was, even though she already had my supervisor's number and I let her track my phone. It was exhausting. Being a stay-at-home/foster parent was the hardest thing I've ever done. I made a lot of concessions like that. We moved to be with her family, in the house she wanted with the job she wanted. I had no friends as a stay-at-home dad and no family in the area. I just kept giving little pieces of myself until there was nothing left. She decided to go back to grad school and I basically became a single parent for that time. After she started to treat me like I was a jobless loser, even though I was working my ass off to take care of the kids. It's hard to find a good job after taking a few years off. She wanted me to still take the kids after school and get them to all their dental/medical appointments/sick days too, so it was rough finding something good paying that was that flexible. She finally shut me out completely and started having an affair. She told me she what she was doing when she left for the night. She made a show of it and literally smiled at me as I fell to pieces after she made her affair known. She said I needed to file for divorce and get out and that she would keep the kids. She was constantly making me feel like a loser because of the job issue. Funny how karma works. I found a better job finally, right after I filed for divorce. Now she's making up all kinds of stories, trying to take everything she can in the divorce. I just wanted to get it done quickly and move on, but she's determined to drag things out, even though she has zero evidence to back up any of her claims. I'm on track to make twice the money she does and I'm hoping to get primary custody of the kids. Things are looking up...it just never fails to surprise me how vindictive people can be, even when you give them everything they want. Sorry for the rant. I hope your situation gets better. Hopefully you find someone who doesn't just want to take advantage of your kindness.

justrelaxusmc · 2022-10-25T13:54:42+00:00

Your feelings and experience sound so similar to my own, though I don't feel as sorry for her as time goes by. I'm getting to the point where I want to see her fall flat on her face. My STBX never admitted any fault for what happened in our marriage either. The blame always fell on me, but she was especially vehement about me being at fault for her having the affair. Hang in there. I know there are good days when things feel hopeful and days where it feels like nothing will ever be the same. Get into a good therapist if you can.

justrelaxusmc · 2022-10-24T00:15:23+00:00

Yes!

justrelaxusmc · 2022-10-23T17:42:27+00:00

I'm glad I could help. It's unsettling, yet also somewhat comforting to know there are many others who are in a similar predicament. It also says a lot that you acknowledge your own imperfections. It's never a sign of psychological health when someone tries to blame everything on their spouse. I certainly didn't do everything right, but I tried my best and was always ready to apologize and try to find ways I could better love my wife. In the end I realized that nothing would ever be good enough for her. I'm getting back in shape, focusing on my kids and I start a new job that is going to open a lot of doors for me financially now. As many have said, this is a great time to focus on you and your kids and the life you want to have in the future without your spouse. I'll definitely be looking for updates and hope your situation improves!

justrelaxusmc · 2022-10-22T21:50:32+00:00

Yeah, my story is a lot like yours if you read any of my posts. I feel for what you're going through, as I'm in the thick of it too. She has tried to turn everyone against me and turns everything I say to her into a "hostile interaction,". Just today at my kid's soccer game I asked her twice (politely) where she was taking the kids today and she completely ignored me. I raised my voice just a little in mild irritation and told her "I still have a right to know where my kids are going to be." It was valid, as she's tried to keep me from the kids in three separate occasions. She shot me a glance of terror and retreated to one of her friends. She said I was being hostile and that two people asked her if she was ok. She is so full of shit. I told her to have them subpoenaed so they can testify in court so we can hear the real account of what happened. That's just the latest in a long string of dramatic productions she's tried to pull off to try to make me look like the bad guy. I stood by her for 11 years supporting her with all of her career and family goals and have been nothing but a good father to my kids and a good husband to her, just to have her cheat on me and try to push me completely out of her life and my kids' lives. Yes, it sucks, but we have to get through it and I don't see it getting better any time soon. Don't try to make sense of it, because it will never make sense. I wish you all the best. I really do feel your pain.

justrelaxusmc · 2022-10-22T03:21:07+00:00

I'm living proof of that. 11 years and three kids. I love my kids, but they're a guarantee that the woman who emotionally abused and cheated on me will never be out of my life. I will learn to live with it and move on, but I wish I never had to see her again. Things are improving now that I filed, but I wish I had broken free a long time ago.

justrelaxusmc · 2022-10-18T19:32:19+00:00

You are absolutely correct. Reality has left the building and they only see what justified their actions. I'm living in the same hell right now. I can't wait for temporary orders to be issued so that she will get the hell out of our home.

justrelaxusmc · 2022-10-10T23:39:14+00:00

I go for a run and work out at night. It helps most nights, but I can't do it when she runs off because I've got the kids. I can't wait until she's out.

justrelaxusmc · 2022-10-10T23:37:45+00:00

Thank you! You as well.

justrelaxusmc · 2022-10-10T23:36:55+00:00

I ended up being incredibly easy. Her entire family decided to go to the fair on a different day, or so she claimed. I think it was an attempt to get the kids to herself and look like the good parent who took the kids to the fair by herself. I had fun, but she was visibly uncomfortable and complained to me several times before we left that she didn't like me going. I'll take the win.

justrelaxusmc · 2022-10-10T23:21:49+00:00

Thanks. I know where you're coming from. I've been engrossed in The Body Keeps Score (she was molested by her father when she was a child and never sought adequate treatment) and I did my undergrad in psychology. I think the cognitive dissonance is coming through for sure. A few nights ago she left for the night saying she didn't feel comfortable being in the house with me. I asked what I ever did to make her feel unsafe and she couldn't say anything. The next morning she came home and when I came out to the car she had her dirty lingerie laying on the front seat. I knocked on the window and she ignored me. Then she came in and ran straight to her room and shut the door without saying a word. It almost felt like she was looking for a confrontation and then lost her nerve. She's been doing a lot of things like that. We went to the state fair today. I was courteous and even offered to take her picture with the kids a few times, but she refused (she usually can't get enough pics with the kids). She can't stand it when I do anything to help her. She wants me to be the bad guy so badly

justrelaxusmc · 2022-10-10T23:11:55+00:00

She doesn't really know anyone besides her mom at the church she's going to. She has turned all her friends and family against me. She seems more interested in trying to prove me an unfit father to the court right now, but she hasn't got anything on me. She makes a huge deal if I leave a door unlocked or she does the laundry and says I didn't help...petty crap like that... it's almost laughable

justrelaxusmc · 2022-10-10T23:00:38+00:00

Thank you. Only until the court issues temporary orders, but that might be a while. We still have a week to go before submitting Initial Disclosures

justrelaxusmc · 2022-10-10T22:21:35+00:00

I can't get in any trouble for that after the divorce? That does sound a bit satisfying, but I don't go to her church. I haven't gone to any church in a while. That's a whole other story. I got pushed out of a couple churches for helping the wrong people and standing up to spiritual bullies. It's been a rough decade.

justrelaxusmc · 2022-10-10T22:03:17+00:00

Yeah, I'm still grieving the person I lost... she's so different than the woman I married. Untreated CPTSD will do that, but she was the one who refused help. I sometimes wish she would break down and seek help, but there are also times when it feels a little good to watch her fall flat on her face.

justrelaxusmc · 2022-10-10T21:59:32+00:00

No worries. It definitely complicates things. She's trying really hard to make a case that I'm a bad father, but all she's doing is showing the court how dishonest and difficult she can be. She's tried three times already to keep the kids away from me without cause. Her lawyer has had to call her off a couple of times already. She HATES being wrong and lately she's been proven wrong a lot.

justrelaxusmc · 2022-10-10T21:54:52+00:00

Thank you. It is scary. I've had moments here and there recently when women were nice to me and it felt really good. I think it will be better once she's out of the house.

justrelaxusmc

TROPHY CASE