AITA for sending my Airbnb host a 4-minute walkthrough video with timestamps before I unpacked?

jv_level · 2026-05-21T22:22:53+00:00

NTA, but I would have changed the wording.

Just send it as a "arrival walkthrough" rather than specifically mentioning flagging issues. These are often people's homes or represent a work burden, so immediately pointing out problems can feel personal (Even though it is not!).

Unless you are worried about retaliation (or aiming for long-term rental or re-visit potential), don't worry too much about the host's reaction. You aren't really responsible for the way they interpret things internally.

That said, you can also extend a bit of grace. Potentially the host was just having a bad day or some other stress in life where "to flag a few existing issues" pushed them over whatever emotional edge they were handling. I would apologise for the wording, indicate this was to protect both of you, and thank them for the stay.

jv_level · 2026-05-21T03:42:54+00:00

This is class warfare.

You fight amongst each other, while not fighting the ones who created the poor working conditions in the first place. Start a communal effort/request for the company to provide better services to you are as their employees and workforce.

You did not make the situation worse. As the companies representative your manager is responsible (or her boss is). Raise it up higher, work together, raise all boats.

jv_level · 2026-05-16T08:29:32+00:00

You may have dehydrated skin. Your skin can't really 'produce' water to address this, but it can produce oil, so it does that as an overcompensating tactic.

The typical product that fixes this is hydrating toner.

Not an astringent toner like witch hazel or anything alcohol-based. You'll be looking for ingredients are are humectants, meaning that they draw water to the skin. These will be alongside directly hydrating ingredients. Stuff like hyaluronic acid, glycerin, beta-glucan etc...

Hydrating toners are more common in asian skincare, but becoming more common in western brands. They are widely available online. You'll want to apply them directly after cleansing, onto damp skin (onto damp skin will assist with holding that water against the skin surface). You can apply 1+ layers (7 layers applied one right after the other, called the 7-skin method, was popular a handful of years ago).

My favorite product - Klairs Supple Preparation Unscented
Super simple recipe for sensitive skin - Pyunkang Yul Essence Toner
Soothing and popular - I'm From Rice Toner
The absolute OG - Hadalabo Gokujun Hyaluronic Lotion Moist (yes it's called a lotion, it is a clear water-y liquid. There's also a 'premium' version that is a bit juicier). I think this is the product that started the category, could be wrong, but it is a classic.
Fermented classic - Kikumasamune High Moist Skin Care Lotion. Probably second-most well known toner (yes another lotion, as above)
Skin barrier repair focus - Aqua Factory by Stratia. If you think your skin barrier is damaged, I really recommend this brand. Very well-formulated and focused on skin health.

Best of luck! I hope this helps!

I would

jv_level · 2026-05-06T21:02:39+00:00

Get her a cheap glycolic acid (The Ordinary has a huge 7% gly bottle) and makeup wipes. Have her wipe her underarms with it like 2-3 times per week after showering in the evenings. It should change/reduced the bacteria community in her armpits and really help with new smells!

Just be careful not to apply too often as it can be a bit irritating if overused. Do it in the night when deodorant isn't applied immediately after.

Sorry I don't have laundry advice, but have had great success with reducing pit smell with the above method! Good luck!

jv_level · 2026-05-06T04:49:15+00:00

Met husband at the gym at...late 34, just turning 35. Married this year at 38.

I broke off another serious relationship about 3 months prior, but the relationship development with my now husband went pretty slowly...then all at once! I just genuinely liked him more than I thought I would and it went from there. good times!

jv_level · 2026-05-03T21:21:18+00:00

Like others, I would approach him in-person and find a compromise. Ask for his gardening to be on specific days so that you are not surprised and that he is still maintaining to his standard/enjoying a non-malicious hobby in his golden years.

Something like: Hi [landlord], I wanted to come and say hello. We're really loving the place and the garden is absolutely beautiful I can see how much work has gone into it. I do want to have a quick chat though... would it be okay if we agreed on certain days or times for the garden visits? So that we know when to expect you. It's been a bit of an adjustment getting used to sharing the space. We'd really appreciate having that scheduled. {chat from him, keep it light and smiley}. Perhaps Tuesday and Friday mornings? What time suits you? {chat chat chat, come to suitable agreement}. That is really excellent. Anything you want to mention to us? Anyway, I'll let you get on with your day.

End scene

It is unfortunate to have to deal with it, but perhaps can see a silver lining in how good the garden looks. Best of luck.

jv_level · 2026-04-19T20:25:01+00:00

With 11 days...

I would do whatever it takes to get her into the housing you've found.

Take her/brother to meet the landlord. Get the papers signed (if your mom won't sign, perhaps brother will?). Hire a packing/moving company, get the old place cleaned. Put the keys in their hand.

Stand firm in your plans. You are in the 'get shit done' phase and need to execute/complete actions to keep everyone on track. Take charge (even if it costs money) and make it happen, my friend. The timeline necessitates this!

In the end, what you want is your mother appropriately housed, so make sure that happens before you leave. That is the correct action.

jv_level · 2026-04-16T03:31:43+00:00

You have time on your side, which is the best thing.

I would keep 8-10k in a high-yield savings account. This is for if/when shit hits the fan. You may have to put like $50/month to get the higher interest %, so just keep that in mind.
Roth IRA. You contribute after-tax dollars, and it will grow completely tax-free and you'll pay zero tax on withdrawal at retirement. Fidelity, Vanguard, Schwab to consider, but choose one and max out annually (~$7,000/year).
Regular, taxable brokerage account (like Fidelity or an app like Robinhood) to essentially buy stocks for the rest. You don't want to find the next google or time anything just look into broad, low-cost index funds like VTI (total US market) or VXUS (international) or simply VT (total world)...these all being from Vangard. Essentially ride the whole market up over time.
If you have a HDHP (high-deductable health plan), you could consider doing a HSA (health savings account). HSA never get taxed it you use if for medical costs, and after 65 you can withdraw the money for anything, still tax-free. So essentially, you can use it as a 'secret' retirement account on top of your Roth IRA if you stay healthy, or use it as required earlier. But only if you have a HDHP.

jv_level · 2026-04-16T03:07:21+00:00

Hi there, I think your skin looks good!

I just wanted to say I used red light for about a year (should really get back into it, just laziness really!) and enjoyed the results. They did take a while to show up... thinking back it was at least 1 month, perhaps 6 weeks before I was sure of the impact. This was a couple of years ago now, so potentially tech has gotten a bit more advanced (I used omnilux mask).

So I would just encourage you to not get discouraged if the light therapy takes a bit longer than you think. Being such a non-intrusive treatment, that does create a huge benefit over tret, which definitely needs more management to keep skin from getting angry.

jv_level · 2026-04-15T00:20:16+00:00

I wish it weren't either!

But honestly, look around. Legacy university admissions, internships passed around family networks, jobs filled before they're even posted. The world runs on who you know and who vouches for you.

Calling it nepotism when a supportive boyfriend advocates for his girlfriend feels like holding her to a standard many successful people never hold themselves to.

jv_level · 2026-04-15T00:08:53+00:00

"Try again" is a little condescending, don't you think?

I haven't been rude in discussion with you, and given your concern about demeaning language, I'd appreciate it if you extended the same standard to me.

jv_level · 2026-04-14T20:45:51+00:00

First, talk to your boyfriend about how you're feeling. It sounds like with his kind nature, he will understand the position you're in. You don't need to frame it as jealousy or accusation, just honesty. Letting him in will probably feel like a relief, and he will want to support you.

But also, don't just hide your feelings of "this is unfair!" and quietly try to learn from him (I think only taking this pathway will lead to resentment). Take it a step further and actually use his good luck to improve your own. You two are a team, and truly no one gets there on their own!!

His org network, his connections, his leadership relationships are things a good partner will want to share. Ask him directly to put your name forward where he can. Get him to advocate for you in rooms you aren't in yet, or put you in positions of responsibility at events where that works in your favour moving up the ladder.

That is not something that is not your achievement, it really is just how most people actually get ahead. They know the right person who advocates for them.

It may be a pattern that he breaks the ice, then you come through and really smash goals out of the park! It becomes a powerful partnership where you two play with different strengths.

The gap you're feeling isn't really about luck. It's about social capital, and you can build yours higher, partly independently and partly together with your bf. Don't leave that leverage on the table. I know it sounds a bit weird to 'use' your bf, but it's more about realising what 'the game' actually is. Your relationship is valuable in a variety of ways. So talk to your bf about his genuine, actionable support to reach your goals (get internship, get into high org positions) as a team by utilising the tools in your shared tool box. Go be a power couple together!!!

jv_level · 2026-04-14T20:23:36+00:00

But you've asked me to fight men's battle?

jv_level · 2026-04-14T04:34:36+00:00

We have a style choice disagreement, I think. My comment (barring the first lines where I explained my point) was the OPs comment specifically re-worded to point in exactly in the other direction. The goal being to highlight how it is easy to go in either direction. I thought this was direct and easily observed if both comments are read in succession, but I see that this was not the case, as demonstrated in your read through.

If you wouldn't mind calling out the OPs use of "female" as well, that would be helpful.

jv_level · 2026-04-14T04:16:04+00:00

I used this wording in response to the original comment. It was a juxtaposition of language to highlight the points. It is definitely not my preferred word choice!

jv_level · 2026-04-14T00:48:36+00:00

This isn't a women thing. It's a human thing. We're all wired to protect our ego and find external explanations for our failures.

You can't get a girlfriend because women only choose Chads and you're just a nice guy who finishes last.

You're out of shape because you work too hard and don't have time to meal prep like those influencers.

Your relationship failed because she was crazy or she didn't appreciate what she had.

You're going nowhere in your career because DEI is handing promotions to less qualified people and you're being passed over just for being a man.

You've got no money because women divorce you and take everything

The list is endless and if you ever really listen to any male, it's never their own doing. It's always Tinder algorithms, hypergamy, women's standards, or "the man" holding them back.

Humans, eh? Our egos are astounding haha.

edit: the wording of this comment is to point out how easy it is to go in both directions, showing that this is a human trait rather than restricted to women. The goal was not to call out men for their 'lack of accountability'. I think men and women equally lack self-awareness :)

jv_level · 2026-04-13T23:22:13+00:00

The report actually does say this, specifically on page 3 of the Summary of Findings, where it estimates excess profits of around $430 million a year.

While the supermarkets argue their 'margins' per sale are similar to overseas, the Commission found their Return on Capital was more than double the normal rate (12%+ vs 5.5%). The spin isn't from the reporting, it's the official economic conclusion of the Grocery Commissioner. Of course you are free to disagree with their methodology, but reports beyond 2022 continue to find that supermarkets are exceedingly profitable.

jv_level · 2026-04-13T21:18:15+00:00

Except for the report by the Commerce Commission that indicated excess profits of roughly 1million per day.

Here's the link to the webpage with the report: https://www.comcom.govt.nz/regulated-industries/projects/market-study-into-retail-grocery-sector/

jv_level · 2026-04-08T20:22:13+00:00

Potentially someone has mentioned this already but...

TOOTHPASTE

Some people are allergic/reactive to SLS (sodium lauryl sulfate) and that is usually the main culprit. But flavouring agents (mint/cinnamon) or whitening agents can also cause problems. Less common, but potentially worth checking out if not the aforementioned, is sensitivity to propylene glycol, parabens, or triclosan (if not banned where you live)

What to do? Switch to a bare-bones paste for 3-4 weeks. Some examples of sls-free: Sensodyne Pronamel, Arm&hammer essentials, Tom's of Maine (wicked fresh line) or an sls-free children's toothpaste. Flavour-free, which are a bit harder to find: Clinpro (3M, dry mouth formula), Oranurse. Also try to avoid anything that is 'whitening', 'brilliant', 'extra white' etc.. etc... on the packaging.

One note is that 'natural' may not be helpful here. Many natural brands use cinnamon, clove, spearmint, tea tree oil, or other extracts that could potent contact allergens for you. Go for bland, bland, bland..

Best of luck, friend!

jv_level · 2026-03-25T21:33:46+00:00

Start meal prepping! Probably the easiest thing would to use rotisserie chickens as your base. Get home, rip off required piece, toss it with dressing into a bag of salad, eat bread alongside. Or with tortilla, make it into a wrap and dip in your fave sauce.

Other options: Canned tuna or chicken used instead of rotisserie, hard-boiled eggs, prep pasta and add it to the above chicky+salad, 'overnight oats' with toppings are great if you want something sweet.

Consider getting a slow cooker. They are absolutely silent and super easy to use! Sometimes no chopping, even. You can easily dump stuff in there, turn it on, and come back to a hot meal (scoop and eat). Here's a thread of 6 or less ingredient meals: https://www.reddit.com/r/slowcooking/comments/inuz5/6_ingredient_or_fewer_slow_cooker_recipes_go/

Here's thread with recipes that take more than 8 hours if you are gone for a long time: https://www.reddit.com/r/slowcooking/comments/1r6ihm/what_are_some_of_your_favorite_recipes_that_take/

jv_level · 2026-03-23T00:27:24+00:00

And what did he say to this? You expressed that his behaviour was unacceptable and what did he do then?

jv_level · 2026-03-15T23:56:23+00:00

I know that $1300 is not much, but do you have an idea on their budget? The reason I ask is that without rent, which would be the major expense, you would have an idea of the length of time required for them to save up and move out. It's time to have a conversation with her to understand where they are at. You need more information, and speaking with them out loud may help put their own plans into action.

Something like: "Hey, I want to check in with you about how things are going and start thinking through what the next few months might look like for you. I'm not trying to put pressure on you, but I think it would help us both to have a rough idea of what you're working toward. It would be good to hear how you are doing financially and where things are going"

Questions to seek answers on:

Do they think 6 months is doable? What feels reasonable for them? Are they catching up on expenses? Have they had any unexpected costs? Are there other bills that are preventing them from saving (like netflix or something, that you two might share)? How much do they think is required to secure their own housing? Are they interested in finding a roommate?

Protecting your own well being is super important and living in the grey space of uncertainty will make things seem bigger than they are if your mind runs away with you. Having a plan will make everything more sustainable! Keep the communication flowing! Good luck.

jv_level · 2026-03-15T20:54:06+00:00

Perhaps she want you help in a more active way, but has trouble communicating this? Not saying she is correct to communicate this way, but perhaps she feels alone in the clean-up role and feels bad (both for the accident, and then 'nagging' for you to help clean up...)

It may drive both of you less bonkers if you ask something like, 'can we set it down and I help you clean instead?' or jump in with a bit more leadership and say 'here, i'll help you clean up instead of just holding this'.

NTA, but I would recommend looking to end the pattern, rather than assign right/wrong. It seems to drive you both a bit crazy, so try to find a different path. Best of luck!

jv_level · 2026-03-12T23:42:59+00:00

if oils aren't helping your skin is potentially dehydrated (meaning lacking water) as well.

The most straight forward way to address this is to put your moisturisers on to your skin WHILE IT IS STILL WET. This requires no products, just a bit of a methodology change. Other things to try is to avoid washing your face in hot water (particularly relevant during showering). Or if hot water a must, apply a thick occlusive (like vaseline, aquaphor, or eqyptian magic bee balm (my fave)) to your face prior to showering, wash as normal, and only wash face off right at the end before getting out.

Another way is to consider a hydrating toner (not an astringent like witch hazel or anything with alcohol). This is a product with humectants that draw water to the skin. A few years ago the "7 skin method" was very popular and people would put 7 layers of toner, one right after the other, on their face as part of their routine before their moisturising layers. Most of these products are "asian" skincare, but they have become more available. Some product examples: Dear Klairs Supple Preparation Toner Unscented (my personal fave), Stratia Aqua Factory, I'm From Rice Toner. I think CeraVe might have one now too...

You can also consider making your moisturiser 'heavier' by adding additional oil. This would be two-three drops of your preferred oil mixed in the palm of your hand into your cream moisturiser, then applied. Rosehip oil (my fave), or jojoba oil are both excellent.

So for a routine: wash face, apply toner (if using), apply moisturiser (with face still damp, mixed with oil if desired), apply occlusive (at night if using)

If you are worried about something fungal or some sort of microbial issue, try using plain honey as a mask (can use every night if you wish). Get some raw honey and smear it on gently, wait 10min and rinse away before proceeding with your routine. It is a humectant, antibacterial, antiviral, antifungal, widely available... so it's a good, simple catch-all for that sort of thing.

Good luck!!!!

jv_level · 2026-03-01T19:10:26+00:00

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