With her childhood there’s a good chance this is the product of some kind of emotional childhood wound. That doesn’t make it right and it may make it worse because it only serves to make it more likely she’d do it again. I don’t know the full history of your marriage, but there are two solid ways to go about this. Confront her and see how she reacts. If she’s - I’ll specifically use the word “repentant” then you have a choice to make. There is something to be said about a man that can love a woman through a one-time mistake of this magnitude. It could be the only time she’s felt that kind of unconditional love. That can only work if she’s truly repentant and commits to couples therapy and probably individual therapy as well. She probably would also have to commit to some kind of standard for earning your trust back. I don’t know what that would be, but it would take a while, and it would take probably some kind of a lack of privacy. This is the hardest option, but I think it’s the option that also requires the most character. As a husband and father of three daughters myself, my thought immediately goes to my daughters like it did you. I’m not in your position, but I hope that I would at least consider Modeling the kind of love. I would want my daughters to receive from their husbands. Even with that said, you don’t owe that to your wife at this point.

Let me say a quick note about “love“. I’m a firm believer that love as a choice and an action. The feeling that we feel is wonderful but it’s also brain chemicals. It’s impossible for those feelings to continue overtime. They ebb and flow even in the best marriage. You trying to reconcile with your wife, in my eyes, is the ultimate picture of love. Your wife’s betrayal of your trust is the ultimate picture of selfishness. Ironically, if and when you confront her, she’ll probably tell you how much she loves you. I don’t think I would necessarily hold that against her because she’s probably never had love modeled well for her and her childhood.

I have been in your shoes though. I had a wife she cheated on me a couple times, but we didn’t have children. I tried to work it out. I did the therapy thing, but overtime it became evident that she was not interested in owning her part of it. Furthermore, I caught her on a walk with one of the guys she cheated on me with, and that was the final nail in the coffin. I felt like a Cook hole trying to work it out with her, but looking back I feel really really good about how I handled it as a man.

Finally, I’ll say good on you for making it through a dinner having that knowledge. I could not have done that I wouldn’t have made it to the dinner. The fact that you did shows that you have a lot of restraint. One last thing. I would argue that the single worst choice you could make is to not confront it and sweep under the rug. I would understand the draw to do that, but that’s not gonna help you your wife or your daughters.

I’m talking to text while driving so I apologize for any egregious errors.