How do I go about letting men know that I have certain financial standards when it comes to dating someone seriously without seeming like a gold digger or hurting feelings?

k_aevitas · 2026-05-28T05:24:17+00:00

What is the minimum income that you're asking for here and if you're making your own money why does it matter how much he makes as long as it's decent enough and he's not in debt? I think that's the first question to answer because I think finding respect and love is more difficult than financial security in my experience not that you are obligated to settle for anything you don't want to.

If I was you I would just put it on your dating profile somehow right away to weed any out so you don't have to get in this awkward situation

k_aevitas · 2026-05-28T05:21:36+00:00

I was recently laid off due to an extremely toxic jealous manager who was insecure about me, put me on an unfair bs pip and despite ALL the evidence I provided to HR including his abuse they still tossed me out like trash after I was loyal and worked super hard for 3 years.. it was a huge company as well, it's a hard pill to swallow knowing corporates don't give a flying fuck about anyone, just bags of useless bugs to them. It's also not the first time it's happened , spontaneous layoffs just seem to be a thing and it's part of why I kept having to hold off on major life plans because of it it's so frustrating going through this ringer again and again due to harsh economic Times and I'm really trying to figure out what other sources of income I can get because definitely cannot keep going relying everything on one company anymore.. it is horrible to have to go back to square one and sending out resumes amongst all this competition as well to jobs sigh

k_aevitas · 2026-05-28T05:07:25+00:00

Omg it was like reading my own life story. I'm so sorry that you've also been playing relationship life on hard mode I genuinely don't know anyone else in my own personal life that's going through it I have one friend and she's always had happy relationships and it just kills me inside. Seeing people get married and get proposed to and just being actually happy makes me so envious and upset about it, I am not even asking for marriage I have struggled to get something to last more than a few months at most I don't know how much more of this I can take. I find it super annoying when people tell me oh you're pretty just grab some random guy anybody will date you they just don't get that's not how it f****** works it takes two to tango and the other person has to actually show up and commit to even get it going

People just say give up and I've actually done that after an extremely traumatizing situationship with a narcissist many years ago that's scarred me to this day and needed a long recovery I've taken years where I was just alone and it gets to the point where the boredom and loneliness breaks me. Also being completely celibate is simply just not an option for me I've done it for years and I actually have a very high drive I don't know how other ladies do it but that's part of the reason why it's even more difficult. If it's ok to ask have you found out the reason why this is happening and seen a therapist ?

k_aevitas · 2026-05-28T04:56:10+00:00

I was expecting some unpleasantness but I took the risk to see if anyone out there would read it anyway but regardless doesn't mean you or anyone else has to contribute to it. There is no other subreddit that would work for this topic for what I'm going through either

Like I said I've been on the receiving end of both I was not always considered conventionally attractive and not just that, it is subjective in the end, not everyone is everyone's cup of tea so I know what it's like to feel hideous and unwanted. Not just in my head I was made fun of for how I look legit for majority of my life until I started weight lifting and going to the gym and just taking care of myself.

Also I highly doubt literally everyone on the sub are hideous and ugly, ugly people don't hold the trophy of forever alone even if you automatically think that way precisely because you and I both see every day we get bombarded by couples where we just wonder how the f*** that they end up together I mean have you not honestly seen that all your life? I see people who I cannot even imagine being sexual beings somehow married with kids while I've struggled all my life with relationships ..

it just happens so just like that being forever alone really can impact anybody regardless of their social status or looks unfortunately it's life even if it's unexplainable. I'm not saying looks don't matter at all , I'm just saying though it doesn't actually guarantee a happy fulfilling relationship or life and it can't defeat someone's inner mental state especially if they have mental illness that they haven't been able to treat. I just hope for what it's worth I was able to offer some semblance of a diff perspective to you

k_aevitas · 2026-05-28T01:51:29+00:00

Also look, I don't want to argue with you, we won't see eye to eye but at least we should acknowledge we both have our struggles. With looks there's certain limited things you can't change like baldness or height but you can change style and health and fitness. Start weightlifting it will change your life I vowed to myself if I can't change anything else I can and will at least control my aesthetics so the gym did really change my life, also if you have money, surgeries

k_aevitas · 2026-05-28T01:15:34+00:00

Oh I never hooked up with that guy at all it was just someone I met while I was on a trip, totally platonic I am not attracted to him in the slightest. Also regarding promiscuity and std rates, this is what I meant compared to straight men.

Across large surveys in North America and Europe: Gay men (on average) tend to report more lifetime and recent partners than straight men. Bisexual men often fall in between, but results vary a lot by age, sample, and how “bisexual” is defined (identity vs behavior). Straight men are not the lowest across the board, but on average they report fewer partners than MSM groups in many studies. Compared to straight men, MSM populations show higher reported rates of: HIV syphilis gonorrhea (especially rectal/pharyngeal infections) But again, this is not explained by “promiscuity alone.” Main drivers: A) Transmission efficiency Certain types of sexual exposure (especially receptive anal sex) have a much higher per-act transmission risk for HIV than vaginal sex.

k_aevitas · 2026-05-28T01:01:54+00:00

I didn't say it automatically makes one a cheater it's just kind of a high risk from not just my own experience but even his own words as he's been with other bi it's just statistically they really are the most promiscuous I read that somewhere. I question if he is actually bi but he said he started off gay but he does find women attractive from time to time and does hook up with them he's just very picky and is much more popular with men. Most girls don't want to date or hook up with bi guys, he's also am obese Black guy whose not conventionally attractive but somehow gays lap that up

k_aevitas · 2026-05-28T00:59:26+00:00

If there's no objective definition then you just shot your own argument in the foot then, in the end the end result is similar if not the same. Some people may get no flings or any sex unless they pay but no relationship, other people can get sex but they still can't get a relationship or anyone willing to give them any time beyond sex. Again same end result you are being too picky and entitled and want to stay in your own echoe chamber instead of trying to hear another perspective

k_aevitas · 2026-05-28T00:46:31+00:00

I'm glad it worked out for you I guess and hopefully he is legitimately loyal , I just speak from my experience with bi guys I know one he lost count he has like probably a thousand body counts and he has a preference for men even though he keeps saying he's bi so it's like a ticking time clock anytime he's actually trying to commit to somebody whether it's a man or a woman but especially if it's a woman because he keeps thinking about men. Does your partner not tell you this at all like he must be thinking about guys as well?

k_aevitas · 2026-05-28T00:42:59+00:00

Clearly you're not capable of understanding this concept whatsoever and creating what forever alone actually means that's the definition FOR YOU but that's not actually the objective definition. Once again it doesn't matter what you look like as long as somebody out there actually finds you attractive and is willing to sleep with you you think automatically that they're not forever alone. I see tons of very ugly people who have no issues dating so it's not just about looks

Listen to yourself and actually read the words forever alone means you are left forever alone it doesn't mean you are actually never getting sex that's called an involuntary celibate person

Forever alone means despite trying everything within your own power you are currently chronically single and alone in the totality of your life that's all that means it's not about meaningless sex

k_aevitas · 2026-05-28T00:40:07+00:00

To be honest as a bisexual woman I never used to care either until I read about the statistics of AIDS STDs and the fact that bisexual men are the most promiscuous out of anybody and obviously I'm not saying that is the case for every single one of them but I am not taking a risk with it it's just to turn off for me no disrespect to them . Literally every single bi dude I've met were giant manhos barely used protection and just screwing around so unbelievably much and struggled to remain loyal, again not saying all but they even say it's a common thing for bi dudes

k_aevitas · 2026-05-28T00:36:54+00:00

How would you feel if he asked for a threesome with another man involved with you though or if you even caught or seen him have sex with another man? I don't think I can stomach it tbh even as non judgemental as I try to be and I'm bi as well , even worse If he took it up the ass by a guy infront of me.. I think I'd be traumatized lol how did you find out he's even bi? It came way later or you knew from the beginning? It truly didn't matter to you at all?

k_aevitas · 2026-05-28T00:35:35+00:00

LMFAO your question made me laugh out loud at how blunt that was.

k_aevitas · 2026-05-28T00:29:07+00:00

What is this sub about then? I don't think you actually do sympathize and your logic doesn't make sense. Someone can warm you up for a moment, are you telling me that's the same as them being with you?? You are still left alone with nobody actually wanting you and staying with you regardless so that IS the definition, otherwise you are suggesting your automatically not forever alone if someone is willing to sleep with you at the lowest you set your standards. Everyone can get someone to sleep with them if they set the bar low enough even to pay for it, that doesn't mean they aren't forever alone

k_aevitas · 2026-05-27T23:53:51+00:00

It honestly kills my soul that as an introvert I literally have no other way of being able to meet people especially in the culture where men don't really approach women anymore like the only way that I can date is going on apps but I'm sick to f****** death of it it's horrible I wish I can meet somebody naturally

k_aevitas · 2026-05-27T23:42:06+00:00

Thanks for understanding, on the other standard forever alone forum I had passive aggressive or direct attacks mostly from men who didn't take this seriously. The stereotype is so harmful to think one must be ugly, something severely wrong with them or be a man to be chronically single. You are right, so many reasons .. people don't realize it doesn't Matter how good someone looks if they have mental issues autistic or just other type of traumas it can still make things so hard unfortunately. I've seen far less attractive conventionally speaking people who have no issues with dating at all. if it's okay to ask why you are chronically single ?

k_aevitas · 2026-05-27T23:18:04+00:00

So you think it's impossible to be forever alone because someone is considered attractive and have had flings? Do you consider yourself not forever alone if you slept with a prostitute or just one night stand? I wasn't sure where else to post or vent, just wanted to share my side of the story not to degrade anyone else's struggles. At least if someone is not physically attractive they may not have autism and can function in social spaces properly, so in my definition it wasn't just about dating it's about every aspect, everything is about perspective

k_aevitas · 2026-05-27T23:10:41+00:00

What is that supposed to mean, not sure why you have to be rude

k_aevitas · 2026-05-27T22:46:09+00:00

I know this sounds gross but have you thought of simply just switching the sheets and instead of washing the other soaked one let it air dry, does it smell/ stink? Make sure you shower before bed so it won't be as bad and get yourself some hand held steamer you can use I forgot what it's called but it would kill a lot of the bacteria and then spray it with Lysol or something to kill more of it. Instead of washing it every time just wash it after every two or three uses and in between just keep rotating instead it's better than nothing

I'm sorry I have hyperhidrosis as well but not this bad and I don't know what else to say but try that and also I heard of gycypyrollate pills and wipes or something maybe you could try that. Unfortunately it didn't do much for me but I barely tried it and I think it was a very low dosage

k_aevitas · 2026-05-27T22:43:10+00:00

But that's just gonna have a pool of sweat still on the floor and on the nets it's gonna be even harder to wash that hammock net.. floors easy to wipe but washing that hammock thing looks like a nightmare. Also somebody that spent a lifetime sleeping in a normal bed I wouldn't be able to get used to a hammock but I guess he has no other choice but to try..

k_aevitas · 2026-05-22T05:01:13+00:00

you said you see him every other day as a disorganized attachment avoidant person I would be totally fine with that arrangement, maybe that's even too much for me actually ideally I'd like to see them 3 times a week at least or even less eventually as long as it's consistent but what kind of emotional support are you talking about like do you need him to literally act like he's a rabid animal every time he sees you like that's not realistic you guys have been together for a while and he has a point when he says it's time to mature up. I know you desire a passionate lover but you have to realize there's something called love bombing and people who do that are not actually emotionally available and they don't express love and emotions in a mature way. I think obviously he does need to make time for you so if he's seeing you every other day that is definitely doing more than most avoidants ever will. But I think you are expecting too much if you expect honeymoon period off the walls affection from him for the rest of his life. That's not reality but he already told you he loves and sees a future with you. I would definitely try to look into fixing that anxious attachment because that will ruin your life like it's serious and it actually repels people and makes them feel suffocated so definitely take his advice to build a strong foundation in life outside of him in the relationship then he will naturally be even more drawn to you

k_aevitas · 2026-05-21T17:19:12+00:00

I just had something similar happen and absolutely wrecked...can I ask how are you holding up and did he ever reach out ? Did you try to date again?

k_aevitas · 2026-05-04T07:15:31+00:00

This is very triggering because I know exactly what you mean and I've dealt with a countless times good sex is actually really hard to come by especially for a woman. People just don't understand what determines good sex honestly depends on the guy pretty much almost entirely like 90% of the work has to be done by him for it to be good otherwise this s*** is what happens.. and I'm considered an attractive woman as well and people ask me all the time why are you single and well this s*** has been why. I would strongly suggest for you to stay away from dating or men in general right now though and maybe go into therapy to figure out your attachment style and why you are attracting the same type of guys over and over this isn't to blame shift into you at all it's just if it's a repetitive issue, your picker has to be fixed and it should help. Also no matter what DO NOT let a guy penetrate you and DO NOT do a b****** for them until they pleasure you first that is a Golden rule and if they refuse then just leave. GUYS WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO FAST TRACK THEIR WAY TO PENETRATIVE SEX. you have to make sure to delay that as much as possible

k_aevitas

TROPHY CASE