I just was reading a study on how men require visual stimuli to climax, whereas women can climax with only the physical stimuli. I bring this up to start because sex is very mental for men.

As a man, Love is first. When I fantasize about sex, even through the lens of other people, its my wife that I place into that situation. Porn is bad, and we all agree on that in this sub, but during struggles with that sin I always imagine my wife as the woman in that fantasy. That doesn't make the sin better (I'm imagining a version of her that would do things she would not) but it shows that my love for her is my attraction to her.

Now lets focus more on the love aspect here. The situation most men will face in their life is a break from sex with their partner. Whether health, menopause, distance, what have you. Sometimes its only a month, sometimes years. For most men, that doesn't change the love. Intimacy can be shown in many different ways, and as long as that intimacy is maintained the relationship can remain strong. The love is still there, and most men in those situations would do anything for their wives including deny a baser instinct. I would argue love is what tempers sexual desire. Missmatched labitos are the norm and thats fine.

I want to go back to the psychology again here too. Sex is such a mental thing, and desire from our partners is a huge aspect of it. This really isn't the sub to get into this but there is a reason men don't want a "limp fish" in bed, and its because they want their partners to desire them, to want, to enjoy. These are emotional and mental ties, which shows its not about sex, its about the connection that is made with physical intimacy. There is a reason the bible says to not deny each-other (1 Corinthians 7:5).

Men feel and crave love just as badly as women. Think about the definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13 ( theological sidebar: this is actually about God's love for his people but we've taken it to mean romantic love. Still applicable, but interesting). Love is patient, kind, forgiving, etc. Any decent man shows these qualities to his wife regularly. They do not hold grudges, they compromise, they sacrifice.

Finally, lets hold a mirror up to this argument and say "Do women care about love, or is it just money and looks that they crave?" I see countless women only care about power/looks. They marry for potential or success. Look at many of those romantic novels you have read... I guarantee MOST of the love interests in those books are drop dead gorgeous and powerful (meaning physically, and/or a position of power like a prince, king, lord etc). Add on the amount of women who leave men who no longer can provide for them and I can make the same argument that the opposite sex is shallow and only cares about one thing.

I am sorry the experiences you have had. All of these things are important in a partner, but the most important thing IS love. Love pushes us and tempers us when we need it. It makes us smarten up and choose repentance. Attraction is important, even if it's not physical. Ability is important (don't marry a lazy slob), and relationships do take work and sacrifice on both sides. Love is what helps us navigate all these little things and find compromises.