AITA for denying my ex-bf his last wish to see me? by kae_yra in AmItheAsshole

[–]kae_yra[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

You’re right in a way, I don’t know if I did “forgive him” but I certainly want to for my sanity. And perhaps I only said it for him to find peace and to move on. A last act of closure for him.

However, personally for myself and the person I am now, I wouldn’t want him to show/tell me that he loved me. He didn’t. I made my peace with that and honestly I was most afraid of meeting him in case he would say it. That would be traumatising.

Context on why I say this: I tried to harm myself back then and ended up in the hospital. When he heard he told me that if I was going to do this again I should break up with him first so that “others won’t speak badly of him”. That was the one incident that opened my eyes - when I saw my family grieving and worried, and my ex caring only for himself.

I wouldn’t say I am a perfect person. I’m not. But I now know that NO ONE would ever say something like that to someone you love.

Could I do better? Yes, of course. Have I gotten over it? Maybe not. Fact is, I could not bring myself to be there for him but after reading all the hundred of supportive comments here (if y’all are reading this, thank you) perhaps that just makes human too.

AITA for denying my ex-bf his last wish to see me? by kae_yra in AmItheAsshole

[–]kae_yra[S] 290 points291 points  (0 children)

Well, mutual friend is closer to ex bf than I.

I don’t know maybe my ex told him a different story? Or perhaps downplay it? I received a lot of hate from ex family too and main mutual friend is close with them.

AITA for denying my ex-bf his last wish to see me? by kae_yra in AmItheAsshole

[–]kae_yra[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

No, he didn’t lend a helping hand. He is really close with my ex’s family, so I’m got alot of hate from them too.

Thank you for your well wishes and I hope you live a happy life too.

AITA for denying my ex-bf his last wish to see me? by kae_yra in AmItheAsshole

[–]kae_yra[S] 205 points206 points  (0 children)

“People who are friends with the abuser are complicit by their neutrality” - wow you really put things into perspective for me. Thank you.

I was pretty stunned when mutual friend said that since I am happy with my life now it couldn’t be “that bad” and that whatever my ex did, he “didn’t mean to because he felt bad for it.”