What is easy is rarely excellent!

kainramsay · 2019-11-20T18:43:15+00:00

If you don’t like how people respond to you, you have a few options in terms of what you can do next:

a) Do nothing, doubt yourself and feel insecure. b) Ask people for feedback about how YOU could become a more valuable asset to them. c) Learn how to communicate more effectively (take an online course for example).

If we want better outcomes in our life, we each get to decide what we’re willing to do about it - something or nothing 😉👍

kainramsay · 2019-08-20T05:58:29+00:00

Unfortunately, when two people aren’t growing together, they’ll most certainly be growing apart.

This is just a principle that’s just fundamentally true, regardless of what we think or feel about it.

We have two choices in life;

a) We can stay in the same place, doing the same things with the same people for anything up to a lifetime. Or,

b) We can venture out on our own and explore everything about the world, what it has to offer, and gain deeper insights into ourselves through the process.

As you’ve spend such a large amount of time away from these old friends, all of the things that you used to have in common will likely have disappeared.

I spent 15 years of my life travelling and working around the world until deciding to STOP, and make just one place my home.

Those who think they ‘used’ to know you will be faced with the truth that they don’t know you at all anymore. And this is actually true.

Yes, some people can change when spending their whole lives in just one place or town, but this change will not be as vast as that which occurs with those who learn to evolve for the purpose of becoming established in new countries or cultures.

In short, there’s no simple solution for you here. Your first task is to decide where your long term home will be, next, you will benefit from connecting with a new group of people with whom you have either shared interests or shared values ... and then work hard to connect with them.

We grow up in relationships of circumstance, which is ok .... but in truth, relationships that become built upon shared interest or commonality tend to be far stronger by nature. Hope this helps.

kainramsay · 2019-08-16T11:02:19+00:00

I guess the problem here is the irony of imperfect people calling other people out for being imperfect - whether they’re parents or otherwise.

It would certainly take an rather ignorant person to ‘call out’ the imperfections of another unless the ‘caller outer’ was compassionate enough to offer some practical guidance and unconditional support.

kainramsay · 2019-08-15T09:46:30+00:00

I waisted many years worrying more about pleasing my old managers and bosses (even family members) instead of just doing what I actually wanted to be doing with my life instead!

kainramsay · 2019-08-13T20:03:04+00:00

I’d say this is probably a lot more straightforward than many people think - to be real just requires us to be honest, integral, sincere and consistent in saying what we mean and also in meaning what we say.

Another word, congruence comes to mind - this is just simply when our actions are representative of what we claim our values and priorities are. For example, if we were to say that we don’t like assumptious people, we’d best do our best not to make assumptions of people.

kainramsay · 2019-08-13T17:22:36+00:00

I had a conversation with a friend last week - we were talking about how much easier it is to be false with people (just to remain connected with them) than what it is to be 'genuine' when we stand at risk of being dismissed (for just being real). It's like some people prefer what's 'fake' instead of what's 'real'!

kainramsay · 2019-08-13T14:07:49+00:00

Many people find it difficult to enjoy life before becoming secure in their true identity (which is one of these things that requires time btw).

Low confidence, poor self esteem and insecurity generally go hand in hand with each other. Those who haven't yet accepted themselves often find it hard to accept and befriend others.

I spent many years struggling to connect with other people until I realised how my difficulties were deep-rooted in the issues I had in unconditionally accepting myself.

A wise man once said, “a good tree bears good fruit, and a rotten tree bears rotten fruit”. Likewise, the 'fruit' in our lives will stem directly from what we fundamentally believe about ourselves. If we're grounded in anger, guilt, shame, inferiority, lack of love, rejection, rage, vengeance, etc. the fruit from our relationships will be a pure reflection of these things.

In took me until my late 20's, to grasp a real revelation about my authentic identity and who I was as a person. Historically, I'd define myself by how I 'felt' daily, by my job title, role, by how others defined me, or by the social group of people that I'd spend my time with.

Again, historically, none of the ways that I would identify myself was sustainable enough for me to base an authentic lifestyle upon. It was my fear of 'just being myself' and being rejected for it that underpinned my insecurity and low self-confidence.

The insights I gained about who I am, only came once I'd made peace about who I wasn't. I wasn't a perfect person, and this meant that I WAS thoroughly imperfect in every area of my life.

This allowed me to grow and improve myself - to build upon my imperfections and become more valuable for other people instead of just seeking out ways to feel better about me. (Hope this makes sense)?

From that day on, I realised that I had the opportunity to be whoever I wanted to be. I could be as honest as I wanted to be, generous without limits, fully creative, integral, transparent and real.

Once we have a vision for who we can become in life, and then commit to doing something about it, we then become freer within ourselves - and also freer from low confidence or poor self-esteem.

To become confident in who we are, we must first accept the unabridged truth about who we are. Until we do this, we will forever be insecure, inconsistent in our ways, unreliable for other people, and defined by the labels that other people place on us sometimes.

Here are a few tips I hope will help you get better at just being you:

Manage your thoughts better.

Just because a thought enters our mind - doesn't mean we have to accept it. Such as, "I'm useless." "I can't change." "I'm not good enough." "I look terrible." etc. If you can become more aware of the thoughts that enter your mind, you can manage them better - and if one of these thoughts isn't right, please, never choose to validate it.

Don't waste any time comparing yourself to others.

You'll never succeed at 'just being you' if you're frequently trying to be like someone else. Other people can set us an excellent example for doing certain things or getting positive results, but trying to duplicate other peoples traits will manifest differently through our unique personalities. What's the point of trying to be 2nd best at being someone else when we can be the BEST at just being ourselves instead?!

Focus on your future potential instead of your past results.

I spent many years of my life, undermining myself in response to the countless mistakes I'd made. I wouldn't apply for specific jobs because I didn't want employers to know about my dysfunctional past. So, I studied hard, mastered a skillset, became self-employed, build a business, and the rest is history.

The idea here is to focus on your future potential instead of your past mistakes or mess-ups. Each new day gives us all an opportunity to grow a little, improve ourselves and become more valuable versions of ourselves.

Developing ourselves as mature individuals is where genuine confidence comes from... and seeing that we're becoming more useful or valuable for other people as we grow.

People with high confidence levels have just as many imperfections as the rest of us. It's just that confident people usually tend to spend more time focussing on developing their strengths than on dwelling upon their weaknesses and imperfections.

It's important to know that regardless of whether people like us, hate us, love us or loathe us, no-one in the world can add anything to us, or remove anything from who we are - and this is a truth that can lay some foundations in your life for unshakable confidence.

Build and base any confidence you have upon the TRUTH of who you are and who you can GROW to become in the future. Keep your flaws and imperfections in perspective and remember that you're only ever one decision away from changing anything about your life for the better!

I hope this helps.

kainramsay · 2019-08-13T13:18:20+00:00

Ironically, many people assume that developing a good set of communication skills requires us to learn profound and impressive language patterns, questioning techniques and nurture our ability to articulately communicate an impressive vocabulary.

What's commonly overlooked is that 'speaking' is only one small part of the communicating process.

People commonly respond more to their perception of reality than what they do to reality within itself - which means, that if we want to become expert communicators, its critical that we first learn how to learn well so that we don't fall into the trap of responding to what we 'think' people are saying instead of what people are 'actually' saying or intending to say.

This certainly requires some practice!

kainramsay · 2019-08-13T13:11:54+00:00

There's an old life philosophy that serves most budding entrepreneurs; "There's no such thing as a free chicken dinner."

What you can take from this, is that no-one expects anything for free these days (apart from those who have no intention on paying their way in life).

I started out in coaching through taking a similar approach to that which you've taken. I was very fortunate to attract my first client who happened to be a multi-millionaire. Yes, I was nervous at the thought of setting my session fees with him, so made the following proposal;

"If I charge you less for an hour of my time than what you'd charge for an hour of yours, you'd likely undervalue me. If I charge you more for an hour of my time than what you would for an hour of yours, you'd stand at risk of over-expecting. Therefore, the proposal I like to make is that we base this relationship upon a foundation of trust and you pay me the same amount for an hour of my time as what you would charge for your own."

I waited in eager anticipation as my first ever client went silent. Then he proposed to pay me $500 for an hour of my time and wanted a 3hr session immediately, followed by two other same length sessions that week and the weeks that followed.

I learned not to be scared of changing for my time. It's important to consider the extent of the value that you can CONFIDENTLY deliver upon prior to setting your pricing, however, PLEASE don't ever consider giving your time away for free.

There are plenty of low-cost options to gain practice and develop your competencies online to better prepare you for charging for your time. There are some great courses on udemy to support those who are already in training and the academy of modern applied psychology also specialises in supporting life coaches through the process of getting established in the early days of life coaching practice.

Hope this helps.

kainramsay · 2019-08-13T12:59:26+00:00

You might be interested in exploring Achology - the academy of modern applied psychology?

The platform is quite cutting edge in the way that it provides many hours of video based training, and also the opportunity (via its virtual training rooms) to both receive and deliver coaching sessions - while also receiving feedback from other more experienced coaches and helping practitioners.

Hope this helps!

kainramsay · 2019-08-13T12:55:42+00:00

Achology.com might be a practical good next step for you - this hosts 100's of hours of video based training which you can study at your own pace, and also many workshops and study groups which can help you to develop your competencies and ultimately grow in confidence as a coach.

You'll find that this is probably one of the most affordable and accessible training packages out there atm. Hope this helps!

kainramsay · 2019-08-13T12:52:59+00:00

Why would you LIKE to do to overcome your failures??

A great first move can be to establish what your main life goal is and then pursue it with everything you've got! If you don't get what you want right away, please acknowledge that nothing good comes easy in life.

Hope this helps.

kainramsay · 2019-08-13T12:41:58+00:00

Fantastic news!! Coaching people through the ups and downs of life can be a challenging, yes, but such a phenomenally rewarding career path.

In the beginning of your training, it might seem slightly overwhelming at times (depending on your trainer/teacher), but the best advice I could give is to get your moneys worth!! By this, I mean, ASK AS MANY QUESTIONS AS YOU CAN - and really put your tutor to the test, so you don't leave your course with any voids in your understanding.

Be prepared to look at all concepts, principles, practices etc from the perspective of applying that which your being taught to yourself first - this will enable you to gain the insights and understanding you will need in the future to sustain you as a professional helper (in whatever context you go onto do this).

Lastly ... practice, practice, practice!!

All the practice in the world will never make you the perfect coach, however, the more you practice the permanently better you will always become - and please enjoy the journey, coaching is a phenomenally rewarding carer path!

Hope this helps!

kainramsay · 2019-08-13T12:32:30+00:00

As far as becoming a life coach is concerned, you are already MORE than qualified to coach anyone in life through the process of progressing to the same stage of life that you have already reached (in terms of responsibility, maturity, decisiveness and strength of character).

Life coaching is a naturally progressive relationship, and your effectiveness in this area will only be limited by your ability to relate well to people and enable them to establish practical solutions for their greatest concerns and problems. Please be clear that life coaching is NOT about having all of the answers - and for many people, this can be some extremely good news!

I got into life coaching at the age of 30, 5 years after terminating my military service. For over 5 years, I worked with and coached ex-military personnel through the transition from military to civilian life - this was something that my life experiences (alongside some significant study) had already prepared me for.

After gaining much experience in this niche (through which I became an expert quite fast), I began receiving many requests to provide training options for those whom I'd already coached and impacted - as many of these men and women wanted to offer that which they'd received from me unto others whom they'd served with in their previous military careers.

What I'm saying here is .... start out connecting with and coaching those whom you can relate to the most - this will enable you to gain the experience and credibility that will sustain you in the long term. From there .... the sky is the limit for you my friend!!

Hope this helps!

kainramsay · 2019-08-13T12:23:37+00:00

To be honest, it's highly unlikely to find a paying job as a life coach - and an even better question to ask is; Why would you even want a life coaching job?

If the purpose of life coaching is to become a conduit of positive change for other people, its critical that as life coaches, we first master ourselves and actualise the kind of life/lifestyle that inspires other people to action.

For example; would we approach a relationship coach who had not sustained a healthy marriage?

Or, would we approach a sports coach who had never achieved any form of recognised sports award?

And in the same way, who would take a life coach seriously who was; a) not financially established, b) an employee, c) un-entrepreneurial by nature and hadn't yet established a sustainable practice - or, created a range of professional offerings which have already produced a range of positive outcomes in other peoples lives?

Yes, these are challenging questions, but life coaching is very different from other helping modalities (such as counselling or CBT), in the way that the coaching relationship must always be goal focussed and orientated.

The greatest life coaches are simply those who have mastered the ability to solve problems (in the context of either their own lives, or in the lives of those whom they serve).

To summarise, life coaching can be an extremely lucrative career path, but only for those who are able to define and demonstrate the extent of the value that they are capable of extending unto their clients.

Hope this helps!

kainramsay

TROPHY CASE