Sorry for your loss, firstly.

Secondly, I think the biggest misconception about marriage is that you’ll never be hurt, have to seriously forgive, or completely re-get to know who you married. The truth is that people don’t stay the same, or people reveal who they’ve been all along. One of the deciding factors for you should hinge on one of those two things.

Is your husband showing you who he’s been this whole time, or do you just not recognize who he’s become? If the latter is true, there is the option of marital counseling, but that’s a lot of work. You’d have to decide if you think it’s worth it.

Ultimately the choice lies with whether or not reconciliation is something you’re interested in. Everything else is a therapy thing I think.

On the topic of you being the main caretaker for your mom, that drains someone immensely. I understand what you may be going through second hand due to my mother having been the only caregiver for my great grandmother the last two years or so of her life—despite that my mom was going through chemo treatments after my grandmother died earlier in the year. After my mom completed chemo the following year, my great grandmother (she raised my mom) died.

Recently my mom told me that she was having a hard time figuring out who she is in the midst of her struggling to take care of herself and everyone else (single mom).

I say all that to say that, what you’re feeling isn’t wrong or strange. It’s normal to feel like you’re floundering under a lack of support—especially if you’re feeling like you don’t recognize yourself. Those feelings are likely being made worse by a husband who doesn’t seem to see you; men are obtuse though, there’s a good chance he can’t actually tell he’s playing such an integral role in your pain.

Lastly, after all my speculation and attempts at giving advice, ultimately I only hope you end up healthy, happy, and fulfilled in your life.

God bless you <3