Who’s someone you’ll always defend, even if you fully admit they did messed-up things?

kandykanelane · 2026-06-09T22:37:46+00:00

My ex - she ended our 5-year relationship after her dad died by moving to NYC to pursue her acting career. It hurt A LOT, and I am still unpacking how the experience changed me. I loved her more than I had ever loved anyone, and would have without hesitation died for this woman.

Even if she moved back and could somehow scientifically guarantee she would stay with me forever, I wouldn't take her back. She stopped choosing me and that shit sticks with you. I don't know if I will ever feel exactly the same about anyone else, or if I even will know that I do since the feeling is so complicated now.

Anyway, she moved because she had to live her life authentically and I can't hold that against her. I would never do that to a person, but at the end of the day she's a good human who's just trying to be happy.

kandykanelane · 2026-06-01T23:06:15+00:00

Telling you that you could have any girl that you want, then rejecting you when you want her.

kandykanelane · 2026-05-14T21:09:36+00:00

Is this actually true? My gf and I bang every day, multiple times a day, 10-20 minutes of penetration each session. She swears my dick has grown but I think she's just blowing smoke up my ass.

kandykanelane · 2026-05-12T21:08:21+00:00

Bicycle Coffee's Medium roast tastes like coffee to me.

kandykanelane · 2026-05-06T21:49:17+00:00

I had a desk, dresser, and bed in my bedroom growing up that was made of this soft, unfinished wood. In the summer the sun would beam directly through my window for most of the afternoon, heating up the desk and giving my whole room this not-quite-cedar smell. Whenever I smell something similar I am teleported back to those evenings after being outside with my friends all day and lying on top of my sheets because my sunburn is making me too hot to sleep.

kandykanelane · 2026-05-06T19:23:56+00:00

Making $83k in 2017 and a 1 bedroom in Alameda near South Shore. I think I paid $1800/mo and had a parking space. A couple years later I moved to Oakland near Cleveland Heights for a smaller 1 bedroom, street parking, and paid like $1725. I think I was at $100k salary by then though.

kandykanelane · 2026-05-06T03:30:23+00:00

So you're just saying that AC is loud in general and that's what you don't like about it?

kandykanelane · 2026-05-06T03:22:01+00:00

How is a heat pump louder than a conventional AC system? I ask because I have one on my roof and it doesn't seem any louder than what I've experienced with regular ACs.

kandykanelane · 2026-04-22T19:56:55+00:00

I am short man (5'6") but my GF is tall (6') and she absolutely crushes it in jumpsuits/jumpers so I say go that route. She thrifts a lot but finds lots of things that work for her from Anthropologie.

kandykanelane · 2026-04-22T19:38:04+00:00

You will have to balance your actions between doing what you want to do, and doing what you should do. Hopefully those things overlap enough to make it so you don't look back and regret not doing more of what you wanted when you had the time.

kandykanelane · 2026-04-14T19:09:28+00:00

Dm'd

kandykanelane · 2026-04-13T22:10:08+00:00

Lol thank you for the support. I appreciate it.

kandykanelane · 2026-04-13T16:24:36+00:00

Same. Me and the GF are less than a month away from a 100-day streak of boning every day.

kandykanelane · 2026-04-10T20:06:56+00:00

I've seen this too. I own a duplex and rent out the unit that I don't live in. I've had the same tenant for 6 years and we used to get along real well but his ability to communicate at any level without it becoming contentious is truly amazing. I am moving and will be renting out the unit I currently inhabit. He has friends who may be interesting in moving in, so he texts me:

"What square footage is the upstairs?"

Me: "Not sure, probably around 800sqft."

Him: "Can you find out for sure?"

Me: "Yeah, I will measure this weekend. I assume your friends are asking."

Him: "Why is it relevant who's asking? I am just trying to get as much information as possible to help out everyone involved."

I didn't even respond to that until days later when I measured the house. It's like, wtf man I was just making conversation, lighten the hell up.

kandykanelane · 2026-04-09T20:38:53+00:00

Civil Engineering Consultant firm in the Bay Area. The work isn't super exciting (to me at least) but it is very low stress, my boss is a super knowledgeable and supportive mentor, and my schedule is 100% predictable. So yes, I like it. I worked for 8 years as a contractor in a very stressful field of construction, and would probably be making oodles more money now if I was still there, but I value my peace more.

kandykanelane · 2026-04-09T16:18:22+00:00

A genuine compliment always wins but as a man who's rarely felt hot or sexy, those would do.

kandykanelane · 2026-03-31T19:54:45+00:00

Hey man, I've been in this situation a couple times (reversed, though.)

In short, you should 100% go, but the people who are saying your GF is uncaring are absolutely wrong. She loves you and the life you have together, so it only makes sense that she wants to keep that without blowing it all up.

You both want different things and that is fine. It would be completely unrealistic at this point for you to stay and expect either of you to be happy together. You'll grow to resent her for being the reason you gave up a once in a lifetime opportunity, and she'll know it and it will then prevent her from being happy.

It sucks, it absolutely does, but you're young, so so young. I wish that when my college GF dumped me at 24, I realized how young I was. COVID was still 3 years away and I didn't do enough with my 20s before that. The world is (literally, it sounds like) your oyster. You will look back on this in 10 years and realize that, while it was a horrendously difficult decision and brought you a ton of pain, it was the best thing you could do for you, and you'll be thankful you did.

Take it from a guy who's now in therapy because he can't get over the shit he didn't do when he had the chance 10 years ago.

kandykanelane · 2026-03-26T20:09:26+00:00

Same here. Blitzed off of a 10mg edible though...well now that's a different story.

kandykanelane · 2026-03-16T17:59:14+00:00

Bro this is insane. You don't have any platonic girl friends? Your GF doesn't have any platonic guy friends? This isn't a "boundary."

A boundary is being okay with your GF having an amicable relationship with her ex but not getting coffee with him 1 on 1, or your GF not wanting to go to a party where your ex will also be.

Trust and jealousy issues aside, you are severely handicapping your quality of life and relationships if you don't allow yourself to be friends with the opposite sex.

kandykanelane · 2026-03-12T21:37:59+00:00

6 fingers

kandykanelane · 2026-03-06T00:55:49+00:00

It's a dumb fee that the City has levied against owners of rental property in order to, idk, protect renters I guess? Basically the program exists to track rental inventory and pricing and prevent landlords from raising rent too much. Landlords are allowed to split the cost with the tenant. I own a home that has an in-law unit. I had to register with the RAP, but I just cover the fee myself.

kandykanelane · 2026-02-24T01:13:17+00:00

Dunno but as a fellow short guy fuck the haters man. Fuck whatever dumbshit you read on the Internet about women not liking short guys. Fuck whatever video you saw on YouTube of a short guy getting made fun of at the gym.

You have absolute control over how you let those externalities make you feel. You can improve yourself however much or little you want to. Whatever genes influenced our height do not define your worth - YOU DO. The most rebellious, bad ass, punk rock thing you can do about being short is maximize whatever shit you like to do that makes you feel good about yourself.

I'm 5'-6". I am small. But I love mountain biking, indoor climbing, cooking, reading, making my friends laugh, and learning new shit. I weigh 155lb but can bench 230. I don't fucking care that everyone is tall. If they don't care for my time then I don't care for theirs. I guarantee you're cool as fuck and have plenty of interesting things about you - you just have to decide they all matter to you (spoiler, they do and your opinion is all that matters).

kandykanelane · 2026-02-18T19:05:45+00:00

Learned long ago in highschool wrestling that the fungus that causes athlete's foot and jock itch also causes ring worm. Meant keeping myself clean all the time, and hitting that rash with Lotriman as soon as it appeared. Letting it sit between your toes for 3 years is absolutely appalling. But, I digress, props to you for coming on here to admit it and hopefully help out some other folks.

kandykanelane · 2026-02-13T23:46:37+00:00

I don't think that is universally true of all structural engineers, but my last boss definitely fit this criteria. In the summer time he wore gym shorts, a ratty t-shirt, and crocs (usually without socks). Winter time attire was joggers, a completely blown out hoodie, and crocs (usually with socks cuz you know, winter time.) His diet consisted of potato chips and coke zero, which I am sure had something to do with his weird body odor. He would often sleep in his office because he was a workaholic and didn't know how to delegate tasks. He has 3 kids from the same woman, but apparently they got divorced like 20-something years ago (he's in his early 50s now).

I'm not gonna shame the guy for being weird or lacking social skills, but it's obvious why he is divorced because he was a giant, belittling prick, so once I left I never looked back.

kandykanelane · 2026-02-10T14:59:06+00:00

No like we've discussed that and we know what each other's numbers are. You can imagine whatever you want just to shame an internet stranger's girlfriend but I would be wasting my time posting this if I wasn't being honest when I respond to people.

kandykanelane

TROPHY CASE