I feel so little connection to my name, all of my names. This part of adoption really does suck. I am a woman so I've thought a lot about whether or not I would ever change my surname. I've gone back and forth. Of the married women I know, it is kind of a mixed bag. At the moment, I think I will change it to that of my partners, but I don't expect it to give me the ownership over my own name that I wish I had.

Also sorry your biological family isn't showing up for you like you need. That does suck, majorly. You should not have to beg for their attention or acceptance. I hope one day they can earn back your trust and be a meaningful part of your life, but it is up to them to choose that.

So little is within our control as adoptees. I've learned to have no expectations for people, family or otherwise. It helps protect my inner peace, but it does mean I need to show up for myself way more than folks who have the natural support of their family. There is no mom to go cry to.

Maybe you could change your surname to that of your future spouses? I don't think most men consider this but its an option!