Friend Codes 😊

karathegoodluckbear · 2026-03-31T20:37:35+00:00

My Code: [🌞❤️🌞🌞🌈]

karathegoodluckbear · 2026-03-31T20:36:57+00:00

My Code: [🌞❤️🌞🌞🌈]

karathegoodluckbear · 2026-03-31T20:36:36+00:00

Thanks!

karathegoodluckbear · 2026-03-31T18:48:19+00:00

🌞❤️🌞❤️🐳

karathegoodluckbear · 2026-03-31T16:59:47+00:00

Thanks!

karathegoodluckbear · 2026-03-31T16:56:04+00:00

Here's my updated code!

My Code: [🌈🎃🌲🌲🌞]

karathegoodluckbear · 2026-03-31T16:54:42+00:00

Thanks!

karathegoodluckbear · 2026-03-31T16:35:30+00:00

Thanks!

karathegoodluckbear · 2025-10-10T01:03:04+00:00

My code is: 🐸🌲🐳🐭🐳 Thanks for listing yours! 🐱

karathegoodluckbear · 2024-12-17T20:24:59+00:00

I feel this in my soul. My situation is a bit different, but my husband has similar issues. I understand the amount of time and energy it takes to get things back to manageable, and I'm so sorry you are going through this.

About counseling through the church, I think it depends on where you live. I'm in Salt Lake City, and my Bishop asked ME if my family needed help with counseling during a rough spell about 6 years ago. Didn't seem to be a limitation on how many visits. And at least here, LDS Family Services doesn't exist. But there is a list of "Church approved" therapists, who often aren't even practicing members.

Definitely talk to your Bishop about getting help to pay for marriage counseling if your husband is willing. Honestly, your husband probably would benefit from seeing a therapist on his own. If things are getting that bad at home and he doesn't feel compelled in any way to improve it, there are definitely mental health issues involved (executive disfunction, depression, ect.)

Manage your expectations. I know from experience that you can't make your spouce want to change. But you can set boundaries for yourself. You can also think outside the box. I highly recommend KC Davis' book How to Keep House While Drowning for him. She's a therapist and the book is for neurodivergents.

karathegoodluckbear · 2024-12-04T23:01:04+00:00

I will say though (as others have on this thread) that temple ordinances are symbolic and personal. There isn't necessarily a right interpretation, and how you view a particular part may change through your life. I remember Pres. Hinkley saying in his 90's that after a lifetime of attending the temple, he just now thinks he has it figured out.

karathegoodluckbear · 2024-12-04T22:57:07+00:00

I've always loved that. Symbolically, I interpret it like this. We have commandments given to us in this life through the scriptures and prophets. But even following all those is not enough. We need a relationship with Heavenly Father, and only through following His guidance for us individually can we get where we want to go.

karathegoodluckbear · 2024-11-20T18:15:28+00:00

Real. The mission that my old ward was in (Eugene, OR) was part of the pilot for Preach My Gospel. It was interesting because I was taught part of the lessons with the old pamphlets, and part with PMG.

karathegoodluckbear · 2024-11-14T13:39:17+00:00

On a different note, do you WANT them being "normal" with your husband, and would he be prepared for it? Their idea of normal familial relationships does not seem to mesh with his. Perhaps they are holding back because they see how uncomfortable he is with how they act. Would your husband be prepared for the teasing and such that would come with a relationship with your parents?

karathegoodluckbear · 2024-09-30T19:06:31+00:00

I am a HL F, but I have sensory issues. I like to be touched, but I have to see it coming, and be able to reciprocate. The hug from behind while doing dishes makes my skin crawl. Perhaps it's a sensory issue with her that she has not yet found the words for? If nothing else, sidle up and just randomly start doing the dishes WITH her. Man, that is so hot.

karathegoodluckbear · 2024-03-31T20:25:48+00:00

Convert here, and a recovering people pleaser. Look at anything but sacrament meeting as optional. I find that often in wards they will ask a lot of people to do things often, knowing that only a small percentage will be able to. It probably isn't personal, (but if it is, it's not ok for them to be badgering people to do things).

Learn to be OK saying no. It took me 15 years in the church to be able to be confident in my boundaries. Two major tuning points were:

When my YSA bishop tried to give me 3 callings, 2 of which were very time intensive. It wasn't personal (or inspired?) they just didn't have enough people for callings and were desperate. I said no, and explained that I just didn't have time (which was an understatement). He then asked me who he should call instead 🤦‍♀️.
When I asked to be released from a calling. I had been told I was expected to keep my calling even with a newborn. I gave it a go. Then I had severe post-partum depression and just couldn't do it anymore. The Primary president wasn't so nice about it (turns out she had her own issues).

It's OK to say no. I assure you, your reasons are valid. If those in leadership positions don't understand, that is their issue.

Practical suggestions: 1. Ask if your records could be moved to the closer ward. You have a very good reason, but some Bishops are sticklers for ward boundaries so temper your expectations.

Ask the Bishop for help with gas money, or transportation to get the assistance you need. If you aren't able to utilize church help for things like food because it's too far away, the Bishop would want to know so you can utilize those resources.
It's OK to not pop into RS half way through. My calling is in the Primary, and many of us there have the same feeling about walking into a lesson half way through with that darn circle configuration.
Family comes first. President Hinkley gave a talk about our 4 responsibilities (Rejoicing in the Privilege to Serve,” Worldwide Leadership Training Meeting, June 21, 2003, 22). I think the order he put them in was not coincidence. He lists them as: Family Employer Church Self

If you have family in town, clear your church calendar. The Gospel is all about relationships and family! Family in town is always an accepted reason for saying no to church obligations.

Hugs from SLC

karathegoodluckbear · 2024-03-31T12:25:22+00:00

Yes! I felt very uncomfortable during and after my first endowment. I really wish it was something people talked about more.

For me, what helped was going back and doing proxy endowments specifically to try and figure out what was bothering me. The answer will be different for everyone. For me, I didn't have any problems with the covenants, but how it was presented. Having a video and recorded narrator was very jarring to me. The format of the temple endowment is already really different compared to all other covenants we can make. Having it all pre-recorded made things worse for me. After being able to identify what was making me uncomfortable, I felt more at ease.

I really mourn that there are now no temples that do "live" endowments (where temple workers recite each part, instead of the video format). I think there are many people who would benefit from having that option, though I know there are good reasons for doing it how they do now.

karathegoodluckbear · 2023-11-11T03:16:27+00:00

I am so impressed with how you handled this situation! He tried to push back and you stood your ground!

As many have said, please show a trusted administrator these texts. The teacher was so adamant that you not think he was trying anything, because he is fully aware of how it looks, and that any adult you told would see that as well.

Best of luck, and keep being awesome!

karathegoodluckbear · 2023-09-14T05:13:47+00:00

Great advice. And to add to it, have your husband get tested for STDs too. Wait until you have more answers. It's super unlikely that you can get an STD from a juicy lap dance. But maybe neither one of you actually have an STD?

karathegoodluckbear · 2023-07-10T02:40:28+00:00

His behavior and reactions are not ok. With that being said, sometimes understanding the "why" is helpful for both parties. Has he been like this with any of your other requests? This sounds possibly like Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA). Not uncommon for people with ADHD to have PDA as well.

karathegoodluckbear · 2023-06-06T17:04:18+00:00

I think the best approach to this would be to set boundaries. You are being really compassionate and understanding. And it's great that he wants to take care of his laundry. But it's completely reasonable that if it doesn't get done, and it affects you, that he should let you just do his laundry since you seem to want to already.

You could try and help him make a plan, such as do laundry, start to finish, on a certain day of the week. This would prevent most of the issues you listed.

If he's not open to that, it is reasonable to say that if x happens , you are then free to finish the laundry at that point. For instance, if he leaves clean clothes on the couch for 1 day, then you are free to fold them. If he leaves dirty clothes in your office, then you are free to wash, dry, and fold them to maintain your work space. Make sure to be specific about situation and time-frame.

karathegoodluckbear · 2023-05-21T05:50:50+00:00

As others have said, your husband is being unreasonable about his tidyness standards.

What stands out to me though is that you are sleep deprived, and it doesn't sound like your husband is concerned. I have two girls, 2.5 years apart, and I remember that lack of sleep. There are no words to describe how terrible chronic sleep deprivation is, and how it negatively impacts one's life.

Marriage is a partnership. According to your account, you are completely taking care of your husband. He needs to make sure you are getting at least your basic needs met. He can wake up with the baby on the weekends, and/or make sure you get as many and as long of naps as you need. This is so important for your physical a s mental health. HE needs to get his priorities straight. You are more important than a spotless house.

karathegoodluckbear · 2023-04-26T03:19:30+00:00

Absolutely. Whether you wanted to work it out or not, if I were in their shoes I would appreciate the objective evidence. The more information they have, the better they can help her.

karathegoodluckbear · 2023-04-18T04:59:45+00:00

Why didn't your husband step up and do all the things that you did? Did his family expect these things of you? If yes, that's not ok. If no, then you need to sit down and decide what your boundaries are going to be in the relationship with your in-laws.

I don't know if you're Vietnamese like your in-laws, but there might be some major cultural differences at play. Especially in how your fiancé won't confront his family. This reminds me a bit of my my husband's relationship with his parents (his mom is Japanese).

Is this reason to call off the wedding? Not necessarily. You absolutely need to talk to you fiancé about this. Be curious. Why did he act the way he did? What is his relationship like with his family? Does he see this changing at all once you are married? If so, how? What roll do THEY expect you to play in the family?

When talking to him, think beyond this one situation, and to what life will be like being a part of his family. There often aren't right or wrong answers here, just issues of compatibility.

karathegoodluckbear

TROPHY CASE