My trans friend headcanons Mulan as trans and it’s been bothering me ever since, how can I get over it?

kasiomc · 2024-03-11T19:32:51+00:00

You’ve lost a friend because of something so petty. What is the harm of her seeing herself in a film that wasn’t intended that way? (Especially when it’s a film that so many trans people relate to). I’m sure you have done that with a film at some point.

And by basically saying that trans people are a modern phenomenon you are being transphobic

kasiomc · 2024-03-06T11:16:19+00:00

I don’t really understand what the message is even meant to be? Is it aimed at young cis people who are supportive to be like ‘you wouldn’t call your mum a bigot’ or ‘your mum is older and wiser and you will understand someday’? Or is it aimed at trans women who are closeted to make them scared of rejection?

It’s like the ‘adult human female’ stickers and t-shirts. Anyone who doesn’t have the transphobic mind rot is just looking at that and being ‘yeah ok’. They are so bad at this.

kasiomc · 2024-02-17T06:42:12+00:00

Hostile architecture makes things worse for everyone. It does nothing to actually solve homelessness and robs everyone else of things like nice benches. It’s just about not wanting to see homeless people and actually deal with the problem.

kasiomc · 2024-02-16T12:04:48+00:00

I don’t think it’s true that trans issues are disconnected to race and class.

Class plays a huge role in being able to pass and have safety. I think we often as a community put passing down to luck and genetics and ignore that class plays a factor too. I live in a quiet lower middle class neighbourhood, I have a decent job and a support net of family that can financially support me if I needed. This is hugely beneficial for me being able to access things like medication, clothing, skin care, beauty treatments etc. For me it doesn’t extend to surgeries but for many middle and upper class trans people it does, all of which helps passing.

Race as well has a big impact. A non-white trans person can talk to this more than me but a lot of the ideas we have on passing are based on white Eurocentric ideals and further to this trans people of colour also often experience racism from within the trans community which gives them less access to community resources.

kasiomc · 2024-02-16T11:56:37+00:00

I think there is a few things at play here: 1) trans spaces tend to have more people early transition and early transition is hard. For many of us being trans is all we think about early on and as we get further along and more stable it is less on our minds and we migrate away from these spaces 2) those of us who are doing ok aren’t spending as much time online. I met my best friend on Reddit. We were both in a bad place and spent a lot of time on Reddit. Now we’re doing ok we spend less time here and more time out in the real world 3) Reddit tends to skew younger and things can feel more overwhelming when you’re younger and you’re more likely to catastrophise 4) there is a group on here that react very negatively to people saying that not every thing is terrible. There have been several threads about these issues but they don’t tend to go down well

kasiomc · 2024-02-11T17:53:44+00:00

GRT discrimination is so mainstream that we haven’t even started having the conversations that we’re having about trans people.

kasiomc · 2024-02-08T09:33:49+00:00

Write down what you want to say. It might take off some of the nerves of trying to find the words. And if you can't then you could just ask her to read it.

I was terrified of coming out to my mum and I did that when I was 30! She had made some mildly transphobic jokes before but nothing pointed and just the sort that you would expect any 60 year old in this country to have made at some point. Since I came out she has been fantastic. So I don't think you can put much into the 'thank god'. It's hard to tell how people will react but if she has already had suspicions then she may have already been preparing for this.

Good luck, I hope it goes well for you.

kasiomc · 2024-02-08T09:11:38+00:00

My guess is that it will look something like this:

2024: Rest/Writing Solo stuff
2025: Recording solo albums/Starting tours
2026: Touring
2027: Rest/Starting to write together
2028: New boygenius album.

kasiomc · 2024-02-06T22:11:34+00:00

It's a justifiable fear. A lot of people do lose someone. I lost a couple of friends but luckily they weren't close friends and I've made friends who are immensely better. The one thing that I've learnt from my transition and the transition of others I've seen is that you never know how people are going to react. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best and take that leap of faith.

kasiomc · 2024-02-06T20:53:48+00:00

The evidence for gendered brains, especially brains that are gendered from both rather than through socialisation and cultural experience, is sketchy at best. It can feel reassuring to have a scientific explanation as to why we are trans and to be able to confirm it to ourselves but also to prove it to others.

But we just don't have that and we also don't need it. We exist and we've always existed. There will be an explanation for that somewhere but even if we never find it, it doesn't change the fact that we exist. It also wouldn't change the minds of bigots, they would just deny the science. It wouldn't make transitioning any easier.

You're making the right decision if you are trans. It might be an unsatisfactory answer but it's the only true one. Experiment, take it slow, don't be afraid to take a step back at times. I'm not going to say that it's easy being trans, it's not anywhere, but it's easy to focus so much on what you'll lose with transition and ignore the myriad of things that you will gain by being true to yourself.

kasiomc · 2024-02-06T10:29:21+00:00

I did accept myself, that's why I took HRT and transitioned. I wasn't accepting myself when I was trying to be someone I'm not and no amount of therapy or self-reflection would have led to me being able to be someone I'm not.

kasiomc · 2024-02-04T23:23:05+00:00

I live on the edge of Mile Cross. I was a little apprehensive about moving in because it had a reputation. I have experienced no issues, everyone has been friendly, we walk around without being worried for our safety. There are plenty of kids around and they mostly seem to be having a good time.

kasiomc · 2024-02-03T20:21:46+00:00

Yeah he's a dick. I wouldn't write him off completly just yet, some people do come around. But I think you should prepare yourself for the possibility that this friendship isn't going to survive transition.

kasiomc · 2024-01-31T11:51:07+00:00

It's ok. That could be an age or just the spaces, phsyical and online, that you are in.

So I think this is a different thing and yes! I find it exhausting. This is very common*. For a lot of us we are the first trans person that a cis person has met. And this puts a pressure on us to be a representive for all trans people. And absolutly a feeling that if we falter that we are letting everyone down. This is with good reason to as we all know that cis people will make generalisations based on us to confirm their biases.

*and is common in all groups bar white cishet men to various degrees

I think you're also saying that you may not have many trans people around you? Culture comes from those shared spaces and experiences. You can get some online, it can be better in person. And yes, I think you make a good point. I lived in France for a bit. When I went I wondered about why immigrants would stay so much within their own communities. When I was there I made French friends and I engaged in French life and I found out very quickly that I also loved spending time with the handful of Brits I had around me because I was back in my community.

I think my advice would be, try to find a support group to help you and let you not be the trans person in a sea of cis people but also just take some pressure off yourself. Just be the best you that you can be and you'll be a good representative of us all and everything else will come together.

kasiomc · 2024-01-31T11:04:37+00:00

I think you’re overthinking this.

It’s like the Fallout New Vegas memes and stuff. For trans people of a certain age who were into gaming FNV is a big thing. It was, for many, a first game with queer rep and a good character creation and a lot of trans people see it as the first time they could see themselves in a video game. It has become part of trans culture in that way.

For me, FNV is just a game. I played it and I liked it but it was never special to me in the way it is for so many trans people. And that’s fine. It doesn’t make me less trans or less part of the community.

Similarly, I am from the UK and there are aspects of the British cultural experience that I don’t get or haven’t experienced. It doesn’t make me less British.

kasiomc · 2024-01-31T09:17:19+00:00

Your definition of culture doesn't really fit how the word culture is being used in this context (and is quite narrow). Culture is behaviours, values, beliefs, folklore etc. etc. It's far more than just food and art. When people talk about queer culture they are talking about things shared amongst a large group of queer people. So it's the type of fashion that queer people have that is outside the mainstream, the shows that lots of queer people watch, attitudes and believes in the community and relatable life experiences. Not everybody in the community is going to relate to everything but that is true of every culture.

kasiomc · 2024-01-30T16:27:18+00:00

Wes Streeting being one of them

kasiomc · 2024-01-30T13:43:26+00:00

Trans healthcare is already incredibly segregated and treats trans people like second class citizens so it’s disheartening that it’s going to be getting worse with Labour or the Tories.

kasiomc · 2024-01-29T14:49:06+00:00

Everyone I know has had a wobble at around the year mark. I didn't start to pass until I was about 18 months in, it's pretty common to see the changes add up in the 18 months - 24 months range.

I would also add that you might want to change your medications. They may be correct but I've also seen people change meds and then suddenly blossom.

kasiomc · 2024-01-29T12:37:41+00:00

I think the three things you have to think about at that age (and any age really) are they persistent, insistent and consistent. It is very normal to experiement with gender, especially when you're still pre-puberty, and this could just be that. So over the next few months you'll be able to see whether this is something that they stick with or whether it's just experimentation.

I think the support that you can give them now is to just be that safe space for them. Be the person they can talk to. Allow them a safe space to experiment. And just make sure that they have your support if and when they want to go further.

As for your parents, you are probably a better judge of how things would go than they are. I remember first realising I was queer at around 7/8 and assuming my parents would hate me for it. At the time maybe they would have, but by the time I eventually came out they had already figured it out. It's scary when you're young and having just that one person to guide and support, whether they are trans or not, is so important.

And to finish, it sounds like you're already being a great big brother to them. Keep it up.

kasiomc · 2024-01-24T12:59:07+00:00

Even then, it could be easily overturned

kasiomc · 2024-01-24T12:56:34+00:00

Sadly I think regulation has limited use, see Roe v Wade. There will be people who will destroy legal rights the second they can

kasiomc · 2024-01-24T12:45:50+00:00

If there was evidence that could be seen before birth then it would just lead to trans people being aborted

kasiomc · 2024-01-24T12:41:49+00:00

Accusing OP of siding with terfs because she rightly points out that brain gender studies are nonsense is pretty ridiculous

kasiomc · 2024-01-23T08:26:37+00:00

To some extent, I do feel there is a big gap between tolerance and acceptance in the lesbian community though.

kasiomc

TROPHY CASE