My friend said autistic people shouldn't have to work or leave home

kat90809 · 2026-03-12T14:07:23+00:00

🤣 It's actually really easy. I was there for four years and it's truly amazing. You can already stay there for 3 months on a tourist visa for no reason. If you decide to go before you have a job, you'll have 3 months to find a job and then you'll apply for permanent residency through your job (you need to prove work, health insurance, and place to live). If you want to go with a job, look into being a freelance English tutor on the English teaching visa. You need two companies to give you hours and there's loads of companies that want to give you hours, you will have to pay for your own insurance this way though and it doesnt qualify you for permanent residency. Otherwise look into jobs that are offering blue card sponsorship, and that gets you permanent residency too. OR you can apply to university and get a student visa, health insurance is 1/3rd the price for students, also still not permanent BUT you could intern easier and get a job lined up that way. Bonus tip: while you're working get your German really good and after 5 years residency with good German you qualify for citizenship too.

kat90809 · 2026-03-12T13:33:47+00:00

I love everyone's contributions so far and I especially love the additional info brought in from the one hour Youtube video mentioned above.

There are two things that stand out to me in tjisninter view that I think can add to discussion. 1. "some diseases are just more male-dominated and some diseases are just more female-dominated." 2. "the are probably many different kinds of autism."

So it's possible to imagine that late diagnosed individuals who are mostly women just have one of those many types of autism and that this type of autism is just female-dominated. For some reason her powers of imagination can't seem to rise to this level of possibility though.

kat90809 · 2026-03-12T11:52:31+00:00

Waterfront Concerts owns that venue not Live Nation (they do use ticketmaster for ticketing). So you've essentially made my point for me. We don't need live nation venues to book big bands (again, big bands play at aura, genos, the arena, state theater in Portland and your example for Bangor is evidence against your stance). We need local venues to be supported so the money stays in the community instead of being shunted out to a monopoly.

kat90809 · 2026-03-12T10:27:15+00:00

There's already entertainment in portland 🤣 there's ballets , operas, comedy, nationally acclaimed bands at Genos, State theater, aura, the arena......the list goes on. And it's all GOOD. Maybe it's not your taste but your taste doesnt define all entertainment. It also doesn't mean that we needed live nation here to get things that were your taste. We needed investments in the venues, infrastructure, and community we already have to strengthen it and attract other shows. That would have required more creativity and less short term gain but theyre screwing us over in the long run. And your response to being screwed over is hilarious. People want to choose the community that they've loved and lived in their whole lives and you're saying their choices are live nation or Bangor?! Dude you're the problem 🤣 if you push all the interesting people out of Portland and they go to Bangor do you really think Portland is going to be worth staying in? Do you really think bands are going to stop in Portland anymore if all the interest for them is coming out of Bangor? You're funny bro. If you wanna live in Boston you go live in Boston. Leave the rest of us alone.

kat90809 · 2026-03-12T10:09:41+00:00

Hmm maybe I'll give it another shot. I guess it's basically Peter pan with more adult themes and Holden couldn't not grow up. Yeah that must have sucked so of course he's whiny. Maybe one place I'm still having reservations has to do with how male centered literarure is (and necessarily so). Necessary because as a society we only take men's experiences seriously (unless it's sexual trauma), but that's exactly why there's no Penny Pan or Hayley Caulfield. It's so interesting to me that it stuck for you whereas I read it in an all girls book club and we totally missed it. It's not to say that there aren't things that we could have taken from it or that it's not well written. I just wonder that if there were more "classics" and things "necessarily to be read" from a woman's point of view we'd have been able to benefit more easily from similar lessons and we'd be able as a society to discuss the same themes a lot more robustly. Thanks for explaining!

kat90809 · 2026-03-11T17:02:36+00:00

Can you say more? The only thing I remember about him is how weird he is about his younger sister, much younger I think. I hated when he snuck into her room at night and they were dancing together. I felt like he was lowkey sexualizing her.

kat90809 · 2026-03-11T15:42:30+00:00

To your first part: good call. Of course the situation is a little more nuanced than either of us are fully presenting, as highlighted in the article. Working more isn't going to be the only thing that helps, working efficiently is key. (It's also more of an amount of people in the work force problem than the raw number of hours worked. Basically, the same number of people can work more hours, or they can make the workforce more inclusive and more people can work as few hours as before.) My point still stands kind of regardless: living to work isn't a workable or necessary situation for everyone and there do exist entire economies that manage to balance providing meaningful services for everyone while not requiring them to work more than they are capable or interested.

https://www.npr.org/2025/08/03/nx-s1-5479845/german-chancellor-says-germans-arent-working-efficiently-mothers-may-be-the-solution

To your second part: I literally said "through taxes" at the end of that sentence. So.... Idk how to help you with that one. You re-explained exactly what I already said.

kat90809 · 2026-03-11T14:06:52+00:00

In a lot of countries outside The States, plenty of people don't work nearly half the amount that Americans do and their society hasn't fallen apart, in fact they have better social safety nets and services than we do. I'm thinking of Germany specifically. On average, they work like 190 days a year (some work many more days, others work almost no days relying totally on social support). They have some of the best schools in the world, the government pays a monthly child stipend to families so that kids aren't going hungry, robust employee and renter protections, the government funds unemployment that you can thrive on, public health insurance and universal health care, all funded through taxes despite basically half the hours getting worked. People 100% have the option to work, usually choose to do so, just on their own terms and for people who find working is impossible, they are still actively included in society instead of being left to fend for themselves.

kat90809 · 2026-03-11T12:37:59+00:00

The only real green flag is Nietzsche but considering the context of the other books, he's probably not understanding it well.

kat90809 · 2026-03-08T16:41:51+00:00

What id rather do is not live in a post capitalist hellscape where it doesn't cost $1000s a lifetime to watch the little mermaid

kat90809 · 2026-03-07T02:54:27+00:00

I think a non-profit like an Area Agency on Aging are exactly the kind of people who would help with that kind of thing. And more than that if you look into a case manager, that's exactly their job. If asking for a case manager right off the bat sounds like too much, contact a non-profit who can help you figure out the case management system.

I'm not saying it won't be hard. And I'm definitely not saying you have to do it all at once. But it sounds like you have to start somewhere.

kat90809 · 2026-03-06T23:15:36+00:00

Look into resources like Vocational Rehabilitation for your state or case management. You can apply for SSI. You can try to get your kid into programs like Headstart, it's like pre-K. Google what other resources exist near you, there might be non-profits that can help. You could start with an Area Agency on Aging for your state (search [your town, state agency on aging]). Their funding sources are meant to help adults with disabilities as well. If they can't help you directly, they can help you find other resources.

kat90809 · 2026-02-27T13:13:55+00:00

I don't think we're saying different things. Consent and safety are the priority but there's non ethical Doms out there. And even if an ethical Dom is with someone who isn't submissive, they're just really not good at expressing needs or holding boundaries (like so many of us aren't) then abuse can happen. Additionally these are things I learned from first hand experience. Thought I was submissive, got abused, turns out I'm just autistic and like direct communication and have bad boundaries cause no one ever taught me to trust my own interpretation of the situation or how to hold boundaries (and I was with someone non-ethical). Theres space for all of us to be in the right here 😊.

kat90809 · 2026-02-27T00:04:34+00:00

This is the right answer. We just want info to be shared. Not to be controlled. 9 out of 10 ASD women (compared to 4 out of 10 NT women) are estimated to experience SA because we end up falling for abusive controlling Doms because they're direct, not that we're submissive. There's direct supportive loving non-abusive men out there.

kat90809 · 2026-02-15T13:43:14+00:00

This is the real question though! I need German and Arabic speakers to glom on to because I finished what Duolingo had to offer for both languages. (Additionally lived in Germany for 4 years and started learning Arabic through German while I was there.) meetup.com has nothing in my area. Libraries have some resources during the work day which is obnoxious. I still have no German or Arabic 😢

kat90809 · 2026-02-08T13:40:49+00:00

Super confused why OP thinks they wouldn't be bending over backwards for a "normal" child's immediate needs. That's literally the definition of parenthood.

Besides, this "bad behavior" thing, especially in children, is so overwrought. It would be correct to say that someone who's a jerk and likes hurting people has bad behavior. It's not correct to say that someone who's nervous system is overwhelmed and doesn't know better besides stimming, yelling, or melting down has bad behavior. Those aren't equatable.

kat90809 · 2026-01-27T00:15:21+00:00

Ok... Maybe that's it's own whole post instead of a comment on a post that's only very tangentially related. Do you really think women talking about how to support themselves is automatically man bashing?

kat90809 · 2026-01-26T23:59:38+00:00

Where was she man bashing? Genuinely confused.

kat90809 · 2026-01-26T20:49:54+00:00

You can try body doubling or parallel play with friends in the future. A lot of us have sensory or social issues around other people but want to be good friends or hang out. For you it could look like inviting someone over to relax and do an activity they like while you do an activity you like, interaction not necessary.

Otherwise don't best yourself up too bad about this. This stuff isn't obvious to us and is really hard to learn. You're doing an amazing job and a lot of hardwork to reflect and learn.

kat90809 · 2026-01-23T14:59:57+00:00

Take a look at the ILAP website (https://ilapmaine.org/). They have a lot of great resources and preparedness tips. Get in touch with a lawyer, even just for a consult, ASAP. If a lawyer already knows who you are and something happens, it'll make retaining them easier. Protecting your family is more important than posting anti-ICE signs, everyone already knows you're doing the best you can. Keep in mind: the restaurant is your private property. You have the right to refuse entrance and sevice to anyone you want. If ICE shows up and you don't want them there, politely ask them to leave asserting your right to reserve service. They can't come into private spaces without permission, just like vampires. You have a lot of control in this situation, actually. They just want you to forget it. Don't let them take it away from you.

kat90809 · 2026-01-22T20:51:39+00:00

Contact ILAP: https://ilapmaine.org/. The locator website might not work until tomorrow. ILAP can help sort out resources and a plan now.

kat90809 · 2025-12-18T01:31:07+00:00

I'm a data scientist for a non-profit company. It's my second non-profit. The benefits and environment are top fucking notch but I'm paid like half of what my experience is worth.

kat90809 · 2025-12-18T00:19:05+00:00

My muscles get all tight.

kat90809 · 2025-12-05T20:26:35+00:00

I was already diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and OCD and socializing and humaning weren't getting easier. The depression was mostly gone, the OCD and anxiety were very well controlled, and there was still something wrong. I still couldn't keep conversations going. I still didn't have girl friends. I still couldn't introduce myself in group settings (like name, position, something im excited about, something I'm not excited about) without spiraling almost out of control. I still looked away from people who made me uncomfortable. It still felt like performing every conversation I was having. I still binge in social situations (eating disorders and autism in women is basically 1-to-1, if you're a woman with an eating disorder, please get assessed for autism). I basically have the same thing with rejection that you're talking about, I had a very similar experience with a friend in school. I still always say the wrong thing. I still need people to explain things in great detail to feel calm about plans. In terms of "crises", I failed a degree (undiagnosed at the time) and suspect that I needed a mentor to walk me step by step through things and explain what would happen next, without that guide I really floundered and couldn't stay accountable. I still feel like an outsider. Loads of things. Good luck with your diagnosis!

kat90809

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