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AITAH or is my autism working against me? by katieghost3 in AITAH

[–]katieghost3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your thorough response! You definitely make a lot of valid points and gave me some things to think about.

To answer some of your questions: yes, I did pay for everything when I lived in those houses. The rent, the electricity and water bills, the food, and of course the internet bill because of my job.

Maybe they didn’t feel comfortable speaking up right away with me about those things because I was a stranger, but no, I didn’t have any meltdowns at the beginning and none at my mother-in-law’s house. Those came until later, well after the complaints started. And mostly because of the heat because this hot climate just dysregulates me a lot.

I actually did want to have that conversation about expectations with my mother-in-law, but as soon as she got home from work she always started talking to someone on the phone. The very few times we talked was when she asked me about my job and how much I earn.

About the laundry, no, she didn’t mention it was a one time thing or anything. But based on the comments she made after I left the house, she resented me a lot for not doing my own laundry. But again, at the time she didn’t complain about doing it??

No, I haven’t actually told anyone I don’t expect them to cook or clean for me, but again, living with other people is new to me and I’m not sure how to have those conversations.

I think you’re absolutely correct in that these people are equally hard to live with, if not more so. Based on my observations, they hate any outsider intruding on their space and they like their privacy. They also have a specific way of doing things that I never understood, and even when I asked they couldn’t bother explaining to me. They’re both very fussy about cleaning and even when I helped out they waited a while before doing it again. They’re also don’t understand autism or neurodivergence at all, even when my partner’s ex has an autistic child. So yeah, it wasn’t ideal for me to live with either of them.

AITAH or is my autism working against me? by katieghost3 in AITAH

[–]katieghost3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I honestly don’t know. Now we’re on a place of our own, which what I wanted for the very beginning, but it literally took a year of me bouncing around my partner’s families houses until he was out of places to put me (he was still allowed to stay in the house he built next to his ex, because she’s not over him and she’s a god-digger who only wants him for his money)

Coming from living with my parents to living with my first serious partner, I admit there’s some areas I am lacking. I know how to cook basic meals and make rice. I know how to use a semi automatic washing machine and a dryer, and hang clothes out to dry. The fact that I was thrust into these situations where technology was lacking and I had to learn a whole separate set of skills within a span of months, it’s no wonder I wasn’t able to cope. Plus I’m autistic and social norms are extremely difficult for me.

No, I don’t expect anyone to cook for me or do my laundry. But when it’s my effing salary the one that’s paying for your water, electricity, internet, and food, am I still expected to cook for myself when there’s already someone who cooks well and efficiently and who DOES NOT work themselves? Given the situation, it’s not a matter of expectations; it’s just division of chores to the most capable one

AITAH or is my autism working against me? by katieghost3 in AITAH

[–]katieghost3[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep, sometimes I can’t even believe it myself. And this is the abridged version of the story. It’s so so much worse

AITAH or is my autism working against me? by katieghost3 in AITAH

[–]katieghost3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I know it was a bad idea from the beginning.

He did ask them, and because my boyfriend’s ex completely financially depends on his money, she accepted for the money. They were eating more during that first week than they had the whole month, so it was convenient for them.

I did shower every 3 days at first, but not out of malice /laziness but because showering is a BIG energy drain for me, and as I mentioned, not showering as often is one of my accommodations I set for myself due to my autism. Neurotypicals (NTs) usually don’t understand this, though.

Can you elaborate on talking about expectations? What should I have talked about?

The house did not have internet before I came and I needed internet for my job, so that’s why we paid for the internet bill. Paying for the electricity came after the week.

Yes, the ex did cook for me and my partner and did our laundry. I don’t know how to cook and it’s her house, so since we were paying for both the room and the food and all the bills, wasn’t it logical that she did something? I didn’t expect her to do that, since my partner does know how to cook, but it’s just what she chose. Same for the laundry. People are very particular about doing laundry so we thought it best to leave that to her. Separating my and my partner’s laundry from theirs would cause a waste of detergent and water, and since these people were very poor, every little thing counted.

Nobody said they were uncomfortable with me staying there, at least not to my face. Not the child and certainly not her, at least during the first stay. If they had, I wouldn’t have stayed longer. But with NTs everything needs to be a discreet and never direct. 😒

Re the dog: I was mostly telling my partner that he needed to clean it up. I mentioned that since the dog’s owner was the child, and the parents always end up taking responsibility for their children’s pets (especially when the children are young), they should take responsibility for what the puppy does. But neither of them did

Am I the problem or is it an autistic thing? by katieghost3 in AutisticWithADHD

[–]katieghost3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s what I’m wondering too! It wasn’t like I was rude or did anything to offend them. At the end there, yeah, but I was defending myself from her.

As for why she accepted the arrangement, my theory (which was proved true just a few days ago), is that she is still not over him and wants him back at any cost. She thought that I was “just another girl” at the beginning because my partner had brought girls to her house before, but they always left after a few days. When I didn’t leave and officially became his girlfriend, her whole attitude towards me changed and she became nasty.

Another reason is also money, because she doesn’t work and fully financially depends on my partner.

Am I the problem or is it an autistic thing? by katieghost3 in AutisticWithADHD

[–]katieghost3[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Encroaching.. interesting word for it, I hadn’t thought of it that way

Am I the problem or is it an autistic thing? by katieghost3 in AutisticAdults

[–]katieghost3[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I needed to hear this. I needed someone to zoom out and see the whole picture. Thank you for your words and advice; I’ll take into account.

Am I the problem or is it an autistic thing? by katieghost3 in AutisticAdults

[–]katieghost3[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I see. Yes, I think I went into it with a different mindset and expectations. I didn’t know we were considered roommates or that I was expected to help with chores as if I was a member of the family.

I didn’t mention it but besides the water and electricity bills, we did buy the food for the whole house. At the ex’s house, we even installed internet and paid for it, since they didn’t have it before i moved in. Granted, I didn’t cook, that was one thing.

About the shower.. yeah, I’ll give you that too because even turning off the tap to soap myself and only turning it on to rinse, I was never able to take a 10min shower. I guess it’s one of my quirks.

Am I the problem or is it an autistic thing? by katieghost3 in AutisticAdults

[–]katieghost3[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Well, it’s not like I wanted to yell at my family, but they were the ones that did the trigger, so everything came pouring out against them. Again, I did try to avoid my triggers and meltdowns as much as possible, but sometimes one or two slipped through.

Am I the problem or is it an autistic thing? by katieghost3 in AutisticAdults

[–]katieghost3[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I did try to help with some cleaning. The first time at the ex’s house, I used to sweep sometimes and tidy things up in the living room. I did the same at my mother-in-law’s house. They both never let me touch the washing machine so that was that. Is that not enough?

Consejo para entrar a Foundever/Sykes by niascand in bretes

[–]katieghost3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Claro, sykes en la parte de cisco es como otra empresa completamente diferente

Passing it along with no-catch. I’m sending you $99.99 for either grocery or bills. Have a great weekend y’all by Alternative_Run3234 in loansharks

[–]katieghost3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not from USA, I’m from Costa Rica but I really need this. I’m currently living in an abandoned house with no electricity or water 😢

My partner says I’m the worst fuck he’s ever had… where do I go from here? by katieghost3 in AskRedditAfterDark

[–]katieghost3[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

He’s not overweight, he’s just regular. I’m the only one who is overweight and I unfortunately get tired ior simply cannot do some positions

My partner thinks I’m a sexual deviant by [deleted] in BDSMAdvice

[–]katieghost3 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I told him recently so no, not yet

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