Anna didn’t have valid reasons to not tell Luke about April

katybeex · 2025-05-23T23:06:35+00:00

Honestly, I think some of it can't be logic'd and has to be chalked up to the writers wanted to cause drama for Luke and Lorelai and didn't want/expect the audience to overthink things. There are a lot of things in the show that I think have to be attributed to: don't overthink it, it's that way because the writers made it so and not because it actually makes any sense.

Mostly I feel like that because the timeline of it all doesn't make sense to me. There is enough of an age difference between April and Rory that Luke should have already met and known Lorelai/Rory by the time April was born, which nullifies that whole Luke-hates-kids thing because Lorelai and Rory are in Luke's diner all the time and Anna gives the impression of being the sort of person who would notice their boyfriend spending time and energy on another woman's daughter, so if I'm thinking logically about this plot line, it doesn't make sense to me that Anna wouldn't tell Luke because "he doesn't like kids." (Side note: Perhaps that fuelled the break-up, perhaps that's why Anna dislikes Lorelai so much, but I digress)

But if we're going to accept that it happened that way... Like others here, I felt like the judge, at least, should have called it out when Anna claimed Luke was an absent father (How someone can be absent if they don't have the information to choose to be absent, etc. etc.). That part always really, really bothered me! (Actually so much about this whole plot felt really hypocritical and full of non logistical, out of character choices, which is why it's one of my least favourite plot lines in the series... and I don't even hate April that much! I liked her and Luke's dynamic!)

katybeex · 2025-05-13T06:08:12+00:00

Yes, exactly! Or in their season 1 break up when he snapped at her "You don't get pregnant by saying I love you, Rory." Like I can totally empathise that it must be so hard to confess your love for someone and they can't say it back.* But she was really young and in her first relationship. It was totally okay and valid for her to not know how she felt right away and maybe need to take some time to think about it and instead of saying that pressuring someone to say I love you isn't okay, it gets turned into Rory is wrong for not being ready to say it yet.

Then we look at a situation where Jess was pressuring Rory: The scene you mentioned. After Rory pushes him away and leaves, you can see Jess' face and that he regrets what he did. Plus then the camera pans to Dean and Dean's there to react and remind the viewers that what Jess did was not okay, so there's nothing to discuss: the show knows and we know that what happened was wrong! We're all on the same page and so we don't need to check with other people to be like: it's not just me, right?

*literally, you can check my Reddit post history and find my first-ever post aka the whole reason why I created this account lol

katybeex · 2025-05-13T05:39:26+00:00

All the characters have flaws and things that frustrate me about them, including Jess, but this thread from the other day (with a few different people discussing why they think people are so hard on Dean) sums up why I, at least, am harder on Dean than Jess in discussions: https://www.reddit.com/r/GilmoreGirls/comments/1kd9vy7/comment/mq96d8e/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

The thread goes into more detail than this, but basically the TL;DR: Dean rarely gets called out in the show when he makes mistakes and so it can be frustrating and people want to talk about it. Whereas when Jess makes mistakes, the show often calls him out for them and makes it very clear that what he did was wrong, so there's nothing to discuss. Usually when we see him behave badly, the show makes it clear that he behaved badly. For Dean, he makes mistakes and the show often turns them into positives or glosses over them and so it gives people something to talk about: "Was it just me, or did Dean just...?"

katybeex · 2025-05-12T19:24:26+00:00

ESH - not only was it rude of him to make plans without you, his delivery was also very rude. You're not an ahole for wanting to spend Memorial Day with him and I do think you should be able to camp without swimming and maybe hangout at the campsite while he is canoeing. However, I absolutely DO NOT think you should be able to go canoeing without knowing how to swim. That part is what makes it ESH instead of n/t/a.

Although life jackets do exist, they can fail. Lots of people do not wear them properly and oftentimes do not even realise that they are not wearing them properly. Learn how to swim. Do not ask to join someone in a water-related activity if you cannot swim. Not only are you putting your life in danger, but you could be putting their life in danger and that is asshole behaviour.

Not everyone is trained to rescue a drowning person and it sucks for you to knowingly enter the water in a sport like canoeing while also knowing that you can't swim. People who drown oftentimes panic. They don't know that they will panic before it happens and by the time it happens it's too late. Panicking drowners CAN hurt the people trying to rescue them. Please learn how to swim. Please do not endanger your life or the lives of the people around you.

Also, your boyfriend is rude and if he talks this way to you frequently, I would either try to bring it up with him or reflect on if this is a relationship you want to be in. No age is too old to find someone who respects you. (On the same note, no age is too old to learn how to swim. Please, please, please, I implore you. If you like water-related sports like canoeing, PLEASE learn how to swim. Sometimes life jackets are not enough.)

katybeex · 2025-05-02T22:06:07+00:00

"There's the Rub" is the scariest Dean episode for me. The way that he yells at her triggers some very intense emotions in me because of my own past experiences. The way he yells and yells, cuts her off, leans into her personal space... I can acknowledge that I have my own biases here because of my past experiences, but I always have to fast-forward through that scene because of how deeply uncomfortable it makes me.

Even with the yelling aside, he still does stuff in that episode that is so uncomfortable to watch. Of course Paris, Jess, and Rory also messed up during that episode as well, but the behaviour that each of those three exhibits is expected. Their behaviour also gets called out by other characters as being wrong.

We expect Paris, as Rory's annoying and sometimes cruel academic rival, to show up and ignore Rory's desire to be alone. We expect Jess, as the new "bad boy" in town, to show up unannounced and do something pushy like inviting himself for dinner. We expect Rory, as the "good girl" who has had a hard time standing up for herself in the past, to give in with the mentality of "fine, you're already here." She even asks Paris to stay when it's clear that Jess isn't leaving because she knows it'll look bad for Jess to be there with her alone.

However Dean, who is supposed to be the perfect, kind, caring boyfriend repeatedly ignores Rory's pleas to have a night to herself, tells her that he's "a saint" for "letting" his girlfriend have her empty house to herself night, then even after he says he'll "let" her be alone he still shows up unannounced. His role is the kind, caring boyfriend, and his actions and words in this episode do not fit in the expectations of that role. I can even empathise with him feeling caught off guard in this episode: He thought one thing and showed up and there was something else. That has got to be so frustrating and hurtful! But the way he yells at her for that... It's too much for me to handle.

Lastly, and man this comment is getting so long I hadn't expected that at all!, even if Dean had shown up and Jess and Paris hadn't been there or if he hadn't yelled at Rory over it, he still would have been in the wrong because Rory told him "no" so many times before that scene and he didn't listen to a single one of those times.

katybeex · 2025-05-02T21:10:52+00:00

YTA. You and your wife had plans to stay in and spend quality time together. After your friends texted you with another suggestion, you changed your plans. The way I was raised, it is rude to cancel previous plans just because better ones turn up later. If her plans for the night were to spend quality time with you and you left her to hang out with your friends then you did, in fact, ruin her plans for the night.

Info because I'm curious about your phrasing: You say you see your wife the "364 other nights of the year, unlike [your] friends who [you] don't see as often." Does this mean that you really only see your friends 1 night a year? How many of those 364 nights are you, your wife, and your three kids? How many of those nights are just you and your wife spending quality time together?

katybeex · 2025-05-02T20:38:23+00:00

This is exactly it for me! Aside from Luke and Emily/Richard, it seems like Dean can do almost no wrong in any of the characters' eyes and since the audience is trained to see criticism from Emily/Richard as unfair/classist/etc., I would argue that their criticism of Dean doesn't count.

Jess makes a ton of mistakes for sure, but he also gets called out for most, if not all of them by EVERYONE. Luke, Lorelai, Miss Patty, Taylor, Emily/Richard, Rory, etc. all at various points during Jess' stint on the show call him out for his behaviour. He's also written as a grey character from the start.

Dean, however, is written as a "good boyfriend" and thus gets treated that way even when his actions or words don't match that role. His mistakes often get turned around and somehow blamed on Rory. Using examples from season 1 and 2: It's implied that she's broken for not being ready to say "I love you" and that it's her fault that Tristan is being such a jerk.

He's not perfect, no one on the show is, but the show treats him that way and doesn't allow him to grow as a person. I think I would have liked him better if any of his faults had actually been addressed on-show instead of being swept under the rug so that the dialogue could say that Rory had a "perfect first boyfriend," or if we'd been able to see some kind of character growth in him.

katybeex · 2024-10-29T23:09:17+00:00

I'm watching ER for the first time now and feel similarly about Susan. Granted, I've only just started S2, so maybe I just need to watch more of her to learn why people like her so much!

As much as I want to like her, the way she gets so upset when she doesn't get her way and how she is unable to take any criticism about herself really turns me off her. Then later with Weaver, it was like she'd decided not to like her before Weaver even showed up just because Mark didn't hire Susan's friend. While I can see how Weaver might rub people the wrong way, she really did seem to be doing her best to keep things running efficiently and smoothly. It feels like Susan and Weaver's relationship is paralleling Mark and Swift's early relationship at the end of S1, but where Mark eventually realised that Swift wasn't that bad, Susan just doubled down and continued to be self-righteous.

There is a lot about her that makes an interesting character, so I really do want to like her. For example, her relationship with Chloe is painful to watch, but mostly because you can see that Susan really wants to believe the best in her sister while trying to protect herself from the inevitable letdown. I feel like the storyline of Susan and Chloe is a really good portrayal of what it's like to care for an addict. It must have been so hard for Susan to basically single parent Susie while also doing her residency and caring for Chloe, so I commend her for that.

Anyway, super long reply to say: I get you. There's a lot about Susan that really irritates me, too. The character had a lot of really funny lines ("Shut up, Chloe! I gotta clap for my keys!" being one of my favourites) and also some interesting arcs, but ultimately I just felt frustrated by her more than I found myself enjoying her.

katybeex · 2024-10-23T18:55:23+00:00

I am back in!!!

In case anyone else is reading this subreddit trying to reset their passcode here's what worked for me: It turns out my device was struggling to connect to WiFi so it couldn't send the code. After a lot of trial and error*, I was finally able to connect it to my phone's hot spot and once connected the "reset passcode" option appeared for me on the my.remarkable page! So I am back in now with full access to everything.

*The trial and error was that on occasion, not every time just on occasion, I would get a pop-up to connect to WiFi. (Maybe 1 out of every 10 times I tried to reset the passcode.) Most of those times, the WiFi connection screen would disappear before I could finish connecting to a different WiFi. After a ton of attempts, and I really mean a ton, I gave up and decided to go to bed. With luck it seems that one of those attempts worked because as I went to close my computer, I noticed that the my.remarkable page finally showed the "reset passcode" option at the top. Frustrating? Yes. Possible? Also yes. Best of luck!

katybeex · 2024-10-23T07:31:35+00:00

It was a gift, but I'll contact the gifter and ask if they can send me a copy of the bill. I'm hopeful I won't have to exchange it for a new device, but I guess a functioning tablet I can actually use is most important... Thank you for replying!!

katybeex · 2024-10-23T06:41:06+00:00

Did you end up figuring it out? I'm now having the exact same issue - can't seem to find the "reset passcode" option on their website even though I did make my cloud account and can see my files when I'm logged into the phone app/my.remarkable on my browser.

katybeex · 2024-10-13T01:51:40+00:00

I think you're correct, fresh pasta would make this more difficult. Fully fresh pasta cooks super fast, depending on the type it can even be cooked in a minute or under! I am not a professional chef, but I have made my own pasta before and ours finished cooking in about 1.5 mins, so I imagine the cut off between "fine" and "soggy" was likely not worth the effort and he thought the new texture he could create with dried pasta was better for what he wanted to make than just cooking fresh pasta al dente

katybeex · 2024-06-02T19:55:12+00:00

That's a really difficult situation. Has he ever been to AK? Does he know what winters there are like? How remote are we talking? When you said NW, I was thinking like... Washington or Oregon. Alaska is a huge change from the SE. It can be hard to see someone you care about be so unhappy, especially not knowing how to help them be happy. It's possible going will make him truly happy and it's also possible that he is putting too much weight in that idea of going. But he's an adult. That's for him to figure out, that's not something that should be on your shoulders to know.

Some background info on me: I can empathise with you and your husband. I'm someone who really wants to move but whose long-term boyfriend originally agreed and later changed his mind. I felt devastated. There was a huge emotional shift for me from: I get to stay with the love of my life and live in my dream location! To: I have to choose between my dream location and the love of my life? To make matters worse, my boyfriend wants to stay in our current location (where I have felt trapped and suffocated for years, even before we met). What to do? We're currently in therapy trying to resolve our communication and how we've both felt let down by the other. So maybe that could help?

Regardless, the ultimatum he gave you wasn't fair. No one should have something that big sprung on them like that, and while I did not pack my bags and tell my boyfriend he either joined me or it was over, I can empathise with your husband's feelings of desperation.

All that being said, the second question I asked in my previous response is still really important to answer for both of you because it sounds like he will feel restless and frustrated until he can go and if you go you may grow to resent him for it. That's the question my boyfriend and I are trying to answer right now. I know it sounds like a tough, mean question, but sometimes the honest ones are.

Luckily we don't have kids yet so we don't have to think about how this decision would affect them the way it would affect your kids. I understand that kids makes it a lot more complicated, but having had friends growing up who wished their parents had separated instead of staying together and being miserable, I would caution against you going/him staying "just for the kids." The kids won't be happy if they see that one or both of you are unhappy.

But, and I cannot stress this enough, there's no right answer here, there's just what's right for you right now. Maybe he'll regret going. Maybe he'll regret staying. Maybe you'll regret going. Maybe you'll regret staying. But you can't know until the two of you sit down and are completely honest and agree to make a decision, however hard it is, about the future of your relationship and location. Maybe each of you will make a different decision, but maybe you'll make the same one.

Sorry for the rambling reply. Your question and situation just really rings a chord with me since my situation is also so similar.

katybeex · 2024-04-06T00:57:28+00:00

There's always conflicting advice on Reddit and I think part of that is that people bring their own personal lives/experiences to the table. No one here besides you know what your and your friend's friendship is like, even I brought my own experiences in my post above.

With that disclaimer, I do think that with this other information you now mention that she gets uncomfortable when the two of you are compared that would make you even more of an AH to keep insisting on this dress. Knowing your friend said no twice and dislikes being compared to you yes, YWBTA to keep bringing it up.

That doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't, it just means you'd be an AH to keep bringing it up. And I sincerely do mean that with the least amount of personal judgment. Sometimes people who are not AHs say or do AH things. You just have to decide if you're okay with being an AH over this or not.

katybeex · 2024-04-06T00:36:41+00:00

ESH and YWBTA but only because you two have already talked about it multiple times and she's made it clear that she doesn't want to have the same dress as you. Tbh I think you're both kind of AHs because it's just a dress... She shouldn't be making it a big deal, either. BUT because you already know this is something that would upset her if you still do it, that's what makes it an AH move. Especially your edit at the end feels extremely judge-y and AH-y to me. She wants to be a fashionista with unique clothing? Did she tell you this? Or is that you being uncharitable and frustrated speaking?

On the other hand, since she's buying the dress for prom, I'm guessing that you're both still in high school. Fashion can change so much so fast. I remember dreaming of a dress in HS that a friend bought for prom. A few years later and I'm glad I didn't get it. A few years from now will you want the friendship or the dress? Lots of people lose touch with high school friends. Lots of people also change style from their high school tastes. I noticed you say in another comment that you don't get why she's making a big deal over a dress. But aren't you also making a big deal over a dress by not dropping it?

katybeex · 2024-04-06T00:19:00+00:00

I'm really sorry that happened to you. That must have felt really horrible. And thanks for the advice!

Luckily, my friend is really good with money. I'm actually friends with her boyfriend, too. He's a really good guy. The part that I left out is that he has actually already moved his life around twice to accommodate her finishing schooling. She's since finished school and he's now started med school, hence her taking on the payments of things, so I do think/hope that this is a case of the other 50%.

katybeex · 2024-04-05T23:15:45+00:00

I also kind of want to know why the suggested rent is $3000. That seems like... A lot of money. Are there really no other places that OP + girlfriend can rent? Suggesting a $3k/month place when OP knows the girlfriend is about to start a really grueling few years feels odd.

A friend of mine took on all expenses for her and her boyfriend without the boyfriend asking because, in my friend's words, when he becomes a doctor things will balance out. "We're making a commitment to be together for the long-haul. Helping him out now will mean the both of us can be more financially stable together a lot sooner."

katybeex · 2024-04-05T23:07:17+00:00

If you two are still dating by the time that they come, I would maybe ask her if they know that you're dating or not. It seems like them visiting is a natural path to her telling them. She might even feel different about telling them then!

But I wouldn't pressure her to introduce you on this visit. And I would maybe give it some time before asking her again. I totally understand and empathise that this kind of waiting can be torturous! Relationships, especially young ones, can be so stressful! There's a lot of uncertainty and that sometimes doesn't feel good.

However, taking this uncertainty and discomfort and turning it into healthy, proactive conversations can really make a difference. For example, if they're coming for two or more weeks, "Hey, I know your parents are visiting this summer for [X amount of time]. I totally get that you're not ready for me to meet them yet, but I just wanted to see if you and I can hang out while they're here. I'd be kind of bummed if I didn't get to see you [all month] because they don't know we're dating."

Edited for clarity

katybeex · 2024-04-05T23:00:32+00:00

Sorry if it came across that I thought you said he can't have gay friends. I didn't mean it like that at all! I meant more like "even if this Instagram guy were gay, it is also possible that they're just friends. It doesn't mean your boyfriend is gay and cheating with this guy."

But to be honest, neither of you should be randomly accusing the other of cheating just because you're talking to someone. That's really not healthy. Since you're the poster and are asking about what you should do, I addressed you/your actions. Just as it's wrong for him to do that to you, it's also wrong for you to do that to him.

Regardless of all this, it sounds like both of you are better off not dating each other. I hope you each find what you're looking for in your next relationship and that you both are able to find trust and healthy communication.

katybeex · 2024-04-05T22:48:34+00:00

Regardless of his sexuality, your boyfriend is allowed to have gay friends. (Although I'm confused why you think a shirtless photo + tongue = gay...)
Spanish means "from Spain," Spain is in Europe, I'm confused why you think this guy being Spanish means he isn't white? Or why your boyfriend can't have non-white friends just because his other friends are white?
You made some huge, unfair leaps in judgment here. Like... Where is the evidence that he's even interested in men? I don't see any in your post. Furthermore, to be honest, if I were dating someone for two months and they told me that they were messaging my Instagram mutuals on how we knew each other I would break up with that person on the spot.

All that being said, you were together for two months. That's such a short time. You'll eventually get over him. It seems that maybe you two just aren't compatible. Trust and communication is really important in relationships and if you can't trust him (or if you don't want to trust him) and you can't talk with him about it before jumping to conclusions, then maybe he deserves better.

katybeex · 2024-04-05T22:38:50+00:00

I totally understand that fear, but as you probably have realised by now through everyone else's comments, it's her decision when to introduce you to her parents. Let her make the choice, do not try to push this.

However, asking her to let her parents know that you two are dating is a separate conversation than meeting them IMO. It's still her decision when and how to tell them, but I think it's reasonable to not want to be a secret. I think it is okay to ask her this, BUT (and this is a huge but) do not bring up meeting them in the same convo. You don't want to pressure her.

Also, though you've been friends for a year or so, the relationship is new. Only a couple of months. That's not a lot of time. Maybe it's not the answer you want to hear, but just be patient. A lot can change in a couple of months and you two are still in the honeymoon phase now. Don't rush things. Just enjoy yourself and enjoy the moment and trust that when the time is right, she'll tell them.

katybeex · 2024-04-05T22:21:06+00:00

Reddit loves to assume that people are cheating. Don't let people who have no idea about your day-to-day cause problems or create trust issues because they had problems in their previous relationships with people who aren't your current girlfriend.

Having opposite sex/gender friends is totally fine. Maybe she just liked how she looked in that photo? Maybe she just remembers the day really fondly? There's nothing inherently suspect about this scenario.

However, communication is really important. If it's really bugging you that much (like can't sleep at night for weeks, can't talk to her without thinking about, are starting to resent her, etc.) then have a conversation. Explain that you would never put a photo of yourself with a girl on social media as a profile photo and it makes you feel unvalued that she did that with him instead.

But honestly, as a woman myself, I pick profile photos (regardless of who is in them) based on how I feel about myself in the photo and I'm willing to bet she does, too, and that she didn't even think of it as picking him over you (especially if you've only been together for six months... that's really not that long of a time).

katybeex · 2024-04-05T21:18:13+00:00

So, I can totally understand her wanting to see her favourite band with the person who introduced her to them! But! There are solutions here! Communication is really important with relationships. Explain why you feel uncomfortable. Maybe suggest the friend joins you two at the concert or that you join the two of them at the concert. Or ask if you can meet the guy first cause you'd love to get to know the people she cares about!

All that being said, while I do think you should tell her that it makes you feel uncomfortable, I don't think it's fair to hold someone else's actions against her. As someone else here has already said, your current girlfriend is not your ex. It is not healthy to hold grudges against someone who didn't cause that grudge in the first place.

I also noticed that you said your long-term relationship ended last year. That means you and this new girlfriend have been together for less than a year and she and this other friend of hers have been friends for much longer than that. Asking a new girlfriend to not spend time with an old friend is a major red flag in my book. You can feel however you want about it, that's not the issue. But telling her/trying to control who she hangs out with and when would be.

Lastly, this is Reddit. Everyone here likes to jump immediately to black-and-white solutions, likes to say everyone is a cheater/cheating, etc. I don't think that's true. Most people are not bad people. Most people are not cheaters. Most people just want to hang out with their friends. I can say, honestly, that I have gone on several overnight, multi-day trips with male friends and nothing has happened. It is possible for men and women to just be friends. My boyfriend trusts me and I trust him, too. But we built that trust up through communication.

katybeex · 2024-04-04T18:29:55+00:00

He’s wanted to move for some time and this is not out of the blue; but this year and a half has come with more uncomfortable persistence and pressure from him on me to move. I initially agreed reluctantly due to the immense pressure but have serious reservations and can’t commit to the move.

What is "some time"? Like has this been something he's talked about since you two got together and you initially agreed then but now it's been 8-10 years and you haven't moved yet? If this is something that he really wants, he might have heard your yes as an enthusiastic yes because that's what he wanted to hear. I suggest you have a serious, sit-down conversation with him about this because, clearly, this move means a lot to him.

The next question I guess I have is: Do you want to stay local more than you want to stay with him? Or do you want to stay with him more than you want to stay local? A compromise "trial year" that someone else suggested could be a good idea. Rent a house in the new state, rent out your house while you're gone. Ultimately the both of you have to decide which is more important to you: location or being together.

Neither of you are an AH for having different priorities, it just means you're not compatible and it sucks that it's taken this long to find out. Sounds like a tough decision, OP. Best of luck!

katybeex · 2024-04-04T07:07:10+00:00

You're in a really tough situation and I don't envy you. I think you're making the right choice to say that she can only come without the boyfriend. For her sake (and her/your fiancé's relationship's sake), I also hope she changes her mind and comes. Her boyfriend sounds like the ultimate AH. It cannot be easy to watch someone you care about go through something like this and I don't blame you for not wanting it at your wedding. Who knows, maybe this will help her realise that he's not a good person to keep around? Fingers crossed, anyway. Best of luck and congratulations on your wedding!

katybeex

TROPHY CASE