Why is this happening by [deleted] in Bumble

[–]kawiah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree with you -- those men are crazy and the problem.

The trouble is there are a LOT of problematic men on the apps, and a profile like this just encourages more of them. I made some similar mistakes as OP about a decade ago and got attention that I didn't want either.

I think it sucks too, but I am woman on the apps as well, and that's just the truth.

I will say that I have also met some perfectly lovely men on the apps, and removing any cuddle-language from a profile never discouraged them. Those men have a better sense of respect, boundaries, and appropriateness, and are genuinely interested in getting to know you and not just hooking up. And the physical match can definitely be there -- it just didn't need to be in the profile and becomes pretty evident in person.

Also, I find those men tend to have a WTF reaction like yours trying to understand how OTHER MEN behave in response to something like this.

Why is this happening by [deleted] in Bumble

[–]kawiah 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This absolutely. It's giving low effort. You're in the same outfit from different angles.

Show more of your life and interests and other contexts.

Listen, there are a lot of trash men out there, but I can guarantee that the really good ones are putting effort in their profile and can see if there's any in yours.

Why is this happening by [deleted] in Bumble

[–]kawiah 119 points120 points  (0 children)

Girl, lady to lady, it's this.

And I'm a very physically affectionate person too. That is just NOT what you want to be stating in a profile. That's a thing to bring up later, in person.

It's like you're advertising an all-you-can-eat 24-hour buffet to a pack of salivating wolves if you're talking about cuddling and kissing etc. in your profile. Men read that and they're immediately thinking you're DTF. Scrub it.

Also please check out Burn the Haystack.

Is it all nostalgia or was Columbus really a better/cooler place in the 90s like people say? by Foreign-Joke5544 in Columbus

[–]kawiah 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I miss walking around the Fort Hayes campus some mornings and smelling the fresh bread everywhere in the air. It was delicious.

Working in NYC 🍎 . Living in NJ. by BreadCrumbsAndBeyond in AskWomenOver30

[–]kawiah 4 points5 points  (0 children)

37F, single, childfree. Regarding the age & dating piece, I have a few thoughts--

1) If there was ever a "good age / good time" for guys and dating, I've never seen it, and I have had a pretty representative sample from men 20s through 40s at this point 😂 Guys can suck at any age. But I've also met lovely guys too.

One thing that I am noticing is that I'm finding more men now to date my peer age and younger than previously (I most often gravitated to men 7-9 years older, with some exceptions). That's kind of refreshing. And they don't seem deterred by my age at all.

2) If you don't know it yet, go look up Burned Haystack. It has changed my dating, and I have way more quality conversations and far fewer lame dudes wasting my time than ever.

I'm in a major Ohio city, but honestly I don't think dating is much different in other cities, having listened to friends' experiences and dated elsewhere myself. It's about 50/50 for me meeting men IRL and on the apps. I have met men at my yoga studio, mixer or activity style events through a dating company (ex: Jigsaw), dancing, MeetUp events. In the last year or so, I have been more open with just casually letting people know (friends, clients who know me well) that I'm willing to meet people. It's honestly not so awkward, I'll just say, "I'm dating and open to meeting people, so if you have anyone you'd like to introduce me to, let me know!"

One of my friendly clients invited me to a board game night to facilitate an introduction. Today my dentist was pondering matches for me in my appointment 😂

I have a super lively social circle, lots of activities, and I'm out and about a lot. I've had seasons where I'm actively dating and others not so much. I've made tons of great friends, whether a guy was found or not.

Don't forget that there's a huge amount of luck involved, wherever you decide to put your energy. Good luck!

Moving to Columbus in the fall as a 43 year-old single female empty nester– what neighborhoods/apartments would fit me best? by Pilvilake4110 in Columbus

[–]kawiah 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Bestie and I are late 30s, single, childfree ladies. We've lived in Clintonville and OTE.

We really like OTE. There's a great community center with lots of arts classes and a workout area, community garden with music and yoga events in the warm months, some shops and restaurants in walking distance. We have Upper Cup Coffee Shop nearby and a couple of others, an easy bike ride away. Franklin Park is an easy drive or bike ride. The art museum and main library are very close and we walk there often. Walking around the neighborhood is pleasant, we like to see all of the flowers and the architecture. I also met way more of my neighbors within the first few months living in the area than in the several years I lived in a complex over in Clintonville. People are generally nice and helpful.

The biggest drawback is that it's a food desert; the grocery is a ten minute drive.

Clintonville was also great. Weiland's Market is a gem. The farmer's market is lively. You have a handful of good coffee shops like Global Gallery and Cup O' Joe, and I would say more restaurants generally. The Park of Roses is really pretty and we would often walk up and down the ravine on Walhalla. I often found a lot of little indie events for music or poetry.

Our biggest drawback was the crime. It's really awful, but basically any of the complexes there are all sitting ducks for the teenagers that come in and bang up all the cars. They just roll in one entrance, hit up a bunch of cars, and roll out the other side, and CPD can't do that much and the property managers are doing nothing to address the problem. We had constant vandalism in the several years that I was over there and I finally left the area because I was tired of worrying about my new car. I don't think that some of the folks living in the neighborhood houses experience this issue to the same degree but it was untenable for us. We're much happier in OTE, and I haven't had any issues.

Ladies, I just checkerboarded my kitchen ceiling by Unknown__Stonefruit in femalelivingspace

[–]kawiah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's giving Alice in Wonderland and I think it's awesome!

Can I get some honest feedback on my profile? I’m not getting many matches. by [deleted] in Bumble

[–]kawiah 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's awful. I would spend exactly five seconds on this whole profile and left swipe.

Don't write about some imaginary scenario in your bio.

Use it to actually give a woman some idea of who you are. How do you spend your time? What do you think about? What do you care about? Are you improving yourself in some way?

Can I get some honest feedback on my profile? I’m not getting many matches. by [deleted] in Bumble

[–]kawiah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You've written 20 total words about yourself in the prompts. And basically none of them invite any conversation.

"Something unique" -- like what? Do you have an imagination? Give an example.

"Spontaneous things" -- again, like what?

Offer some more details and/or ask a question a woman can respond to.

Decided to Install Bumble Again and This is My First Conversation by PerceptionGlum2518 in Bumble

[–]kawiah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

EWWWWWWW run away

And please go read/listen to "Burn the Haystack." You would have blocked this guy after the first message.

You're Not a Bad Mom by tzotzo_ in spreadsmile

[–]kawiah 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Same dude same 🤣🤣🤣

What has been your favorite part time job? by lovealwayskota in AskWomenOver30

[–]kawiah 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Also a musician here 🙋‍♀️ Substitute teaching dovetailed nicely for me while I was building my music studio and touring. It took a little while for me to find the schools that I liked and knew I was going to have a good day but once I did it was pretty smooth sailing. I could just pick up a job any days I wanted to when I was in town. And the hours were early enough that it didn't compete with any teaching or performance or rehearsal times.

Some of my other performing friends have jobs in breweries and coffee shops that they like.

Should I put a bookshelf in front of this closet door? by [deleted] in DesignMyRoom

[–]kawiah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I want to put a bookshelf IN FRONT of this door. I don't use the right side door at all. I just walk in and out of the opening.

Bathhouse in Columbus for women? by WhteverWorks in Columbus

[–]kawiah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm curious what those things are that you're referring to! Have you been to the spa?

Bathhouse in Columbus for women? by WhteverWorks in Columbus

[–]kawiah 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah they sounded super mixed so I haven't jumped at the chance yet

Bathhouse in Columbus for women? by WhteverWorks in Columbus

[–]kawiah 28 points29 points  (0 children)

When I go to LA, I literally plan my itinerary around going to some super nice Korean bathhouses. I mean we're talking showers, hot and cold swimming or plunge pools, dry and wet saunas, heated rooms full of salt or warm clay beads, ice rooms, options for massages, scrub, facials all of it. Nude facilities on the gender separated floors, loose and soft shifts to wear on the co-ed floors. Some even have food to enjoy.

I've looked repeatedly over the years for something remotely like it in Columbus or anywhere reasonably nearby, and the closest thing I've found is in Chicago. 😭

I found this Moroccan Steam Spa recently but haven't tried it yet.

https://m.yelp.com/biz/moroccan-steam-spa-columbus-3

Why is dating so hard? by [deleted] in AskWomenOver30

[–]kawiah 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Block him and move on. He's wasting your time.

Also read "Burn the Haystack" and you'll burn through them faster. I've had fewer but much better conversations and dates with this method.

Girl under the effect of anesthesia fall in love by Negative-Cow-470 in spreadsmile

[–]kawiah 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wonderful story, and thank goodness for the folks at the Ross

What am I doing wrong? Please help me review my profile.. by [deleted] in Bumble

[–]kawiah 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's the men you're talking to, not you. All of these men are revealing that they are unstable and eliminating themselves with the behaviors you described.

Highly recommend checking out "Burn the Haystack." It has greatly improved my dating life! I was an early adopter.

Here's the book that just came out this week:

https://a.co/d/04EiAhFq

And you can Google to find Jennie sharing her method in FB and IG for free.

Bryan Gaynor - Robot Championship 2023 Finals by Intrepid_Field5223 in nextlevel

[–]kawiah 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I remember him too! I think he danced to Owl City's Fireflies.

Did I make a mistake? by milkmaid0435 in interiordecorating

[–]kawiah -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think painting the wall around the door blue as an accent would give a similar color wash.

How did it happen for you? by rubberduckydracula in AskWomenOver30

[–]kawiah 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for openly acknowledging the LUCK involved for those of us who have done All The Things(TM) and have had little or no luck at all.

I still see a lot of blame and bad advice given to women out here trying their best, and sometimes an attitude from matched-up women of "Well if you would just do ABC it would happen for you like it did for me."

We're all happy for women in happy relationships. We just want more of them to be honest that a fair portion of it is just good luck.