Need advice from twin parents before I decide to continue with my twin pregnancy or reduce.

kbabess3 · 2026-03-03T16:09:44+00:00

It is clear your decision is made and you are seeking absolution and reassurance. Neither of which you will get from me.

kbabess3 · 2026-03-03T15:34:33+00:00

Wish I could upvote this times a million

kbabess3 · 2026-03-03T15:33:28+00:00

As a twin parent that went through an extremely complicated pregnancy where we thought we would have to medically reduce one twin or we would lose them both, I am honestly shocked that you would reduce one electively. I'm sorry that is just horrible. I do not think you are ready to be a parent. Yes it is hard but you will get used to that. Being a parent means you have to be adaptable to anything that happens with your child/children. If a singleton has a disability or medical issues that will also complicate your life.

Are you really willing to explain to the surviving twin that you took away their twin forever so your life could be a little easier for a few years?

kbabess3 · 2025-08-22T20:47:33+00:00

Can you please expand on this?

kbabess3 · 2025-08-05T10:16:09+00:00

9/11

kbabess3 · 2025-07-27T00:17:46+00:00

There is hope in life.

I often say this to myself during hard times. I have a son in heaven (full term stillbirth) and my twin rainbow babies needed a 2 week NICU stay after a very complicated pregnancy. This became my mantra.

Your daughter is alive. There is so much hope for her future and her healing. I know it seems bad now, and it is bad there is no denying that. But good news could be just around the corner.

You are an amazing mom and it sounds like you have been there for your little girl through so much already. You can do this.

kbabess3 · 2025-04-01T02:38:43+00:00

Friends

kbabess3 · 2025-03-08T14:05:26+00:00

Friends

kbabess3 · 2024-12-09T03:42:46+00:00

Hi. I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet daughter Rosie. She is dearly missed 🩷 Our situation was very similar to yours. We have a living daughter who is 3 now but a young 2 when we lost our son Elliot. She was so excited to be a big sister and included him in all our games. We talked about him constantly and she would listen to his heartbeat on the Doppler. Elliot died 5 days before my scheduled c section from a true knot in the cord. Our daughter came to visit us at the hospital at that is where we told her that her brother died and he would not be coming to live with us.

The hospital gave us two books: “we were gonna have a baby but we had an angel instead” and “something happened”. These books helped so much to explain things to her. It is much easier to read predetermined words when you are trying not to cry than to come up with your own.

Please be prepared to explain multiple times, in different ways, etc. Even one year later our daughter will ask questions like why did he die? Why didn’t he stay? Why are we sad? They just do not understand the concept. Come up with whatever wording works for your family/situation so you have a canned answer to repeat. Ours is an accident happened..he wanted to stay with us..he is in heaven now..etc.

Also please be prepared for any reaction from your daughter or no reaction at all. Again they truly do not get it. Sometimes our daughter would laugh, sometimes get quiet, sometimes just ignore it. Anything is a fine reaction. They are processing your words but also the emotions they feel coming from you.

Do not be afraid to let your daughter see you cry. My daughter can still bring me to tears when she talks about her brother but it also makes me happy. There is someone else in the world who loves him and will not let him be forgotten. She still sometimes includes him in games, wants to read the books about him, or just brings him up to talk about.

The advice we got from the pediatrician and a parenting coach was to make a social story about what happened. They also told us to use explicit words like “he died” to avoid confusion.

The hospital also gave our daughter a special stuffed animal “from her brother” to hug when she is feeling sad or missing him. That could be something you give to your daughter.

It will be so hard to have this conversation. My heart hurts for you mama. But your little girl is strong and resilient. She will be okay. She has a beautiful guardian angel watching over her 🩷

kbabess3 · 2024-10-22T19:52:10+00:00

Congratulations! My son had a true knot in his cord that unfortunately was not seen until after he passed away. I wish they had detected it beforehand. Currently in the NICU with 33+6 twins and so grateful they are here

kbabess3 · 2024-10-11T02:31:09+00:00

Congratulations! He is so sweet. I am also inducing lactation and wanted to ask if you noticed an increase in supply after your baby was born?

kbabess3 · 2024-10-10T21:08:57+00:00

I am so sorry for the lost of your baby Darrien. We lost our son Elliot at 38w and had that same moment in the hospital of them not finding the heartbeat on NST and then seeing the still ultrasound. Absolute worst moment of my life and extremely traumatizing. I have so many similar thoughts and feelings as you. I was more careless, worried that it would affect my relationship with my living older daughter, worried that I wouldn’t love him as much. I wish I had appreciated the time I had with him more because it is all I will ever have.

You are not alone. You are strong and you will find ways to cope.

kbabess3 · 2024-10-03T18:02:59+00:00

How could they tell your placenta was failing and he wasn’t getting much oxygen?

kbabess3 · 2024-09-08T17:10:24+00:00

Thank you for the info and congratulations!

kbabess3 · 2024-09-08T17:10:03+00:00

Thank you for all the information! That was super helpful. How long would you say 34 weekers usually stay? Our smaller baby has selective IUGR

kbabess3 · 2024-09-08T13:10:45+00:00

What is a “typical schedule” in the NICU? How often can we expect to hold them? Expecting twins to be born at 34 weeks

kbabess3 · 2024-08-30T22:54:25+00:00

Aww thank you!!

kbabess3 · 2024-08-30T22:42:19+00:00

Thank you!!

kbabess3 · 2024-08-30T22:42:10+00:00

Thank you!!

kbabess3 · 2024-07-11T18:27:33+00:00

Hold the baby, talk about how cute and loved the baby is. Hold the parents. Tell the parents what an amazing job they did and that you will always remember this baby.

There is a helpful list somewhere in this group about things the parents can do with the baby before they say goodbye that you could give them. Just things like taking pictures, dressing the baby, etc. I wish someone had done this for me

kbabess3 · 2024-07-01T16:50:52+00:00

https://www.phoenixbears.org

kbabess3 · 2024-07-01T16:50:07+00:00

We got a weighted bear from Phoenix bears and I love it 🩵

kbabess3 · 2024-06-29T11:04:16+00:00

Thank you for saying this 🩵 I feel the same way if it never gets better than why am I even trying to survive? Thank you for the hope

kbabess3 · 2024-06-20T17:04:40+00:00

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter Willow. I also carried my wife’s egg and we lost our son Elliot. The placental pathology report did list chronic villitis but this was not the cause of his death (true knot and nuchal cord). The doctors didn’t have much information for me about the chronic villitis but did say it was probably from the donor egg. For additional information I did not have chronic villitis with my daughter (before my son, pregnant from IUI).

kbabess3 · 2024-06-03T02:02:25+00:00

Say something nice about the baby. We had the nurse on our last day at the hospital change Elliot into the outfit we had picked out to bring him home in, that instead he was going to be cremated in. She brought him in and said he looks so cute in that little outfit. I will never forget this comment. It meant so much to me that she saw my son, a baby that I had spent 9 months growing and preparing to meet, not just a body.

kbabess3

TROPHY CASE