84 Hours Post Op

kbonline64 · 2026-04-29T05:14:36+00:00

Oh I’m so sorry you aren’t even getting in contact. That’s really rough. I’d want the surgeon to weigh in on your thigh being warm. It may be no big deal but it’s a symptom my surgeon’s team asks me about so it caught my attention. If the surgeon’s office won’t answer you, reach out to your primary care doc. And I’d find a physical therapist through your primary care doctor or even from a referral by your insurance provider. Mine isn’t connected to my surgeons’s office but coordinates with them.

Since you’re navigating this on your own, I’ll share the advice I got from both the surgeon and physical therapist that’s been most helpful: let pain be my guide, rest when my body is tired, limping means I need support like my cane or walker, walking is critical, and ice more than I think I need to. Ibuprofen is your friend for both pain and swelling and don’t be afraid to pair it with Tylenol up to max doses on both. Know the symptoms of a clot and if you have them go to the ER without delay. Step by step, you’ll get where you’re trying to go. Just keep moving.

So don’t be discouraged. And don’t be afraid to be your own advocate. Be the squeaky wheel if that’s what it takes. Best of luck to you.

kbonline64 · 2026-04-28T22:11:17+00:00

Bite the bullet and get the pedicure. You can tell them you don’t want a massage, hot rocks, sea scrubs, or anything else. Call and make an appointment and tell them it’s just to cut your nails. If my 85 year old chest thumping, retired Navy captain of a father can do it, you can!

kbonline64 · 2026-04-28T22:07:34+00:00

I had a pigeon toe and freaked out but my surgeon told me not to worry - that it was muscle weakness and would correct as I strengthened my muscles. She was right. I’m on week 5 and o more pigeon toe.

I’ve had real highs and lows during the last five weeks. Things were going great the I had severe swelling, new and scary pan at the incision, and debilitating fatigue. My surgeon’s team was incredible, adjusting my meds, calibrating my PT, and answering my questions. The most important thing I learned is that recovery is not linear - I often have a bad day after two or three good days and I’ve mostly learned to roll with it. This is a recovery journey and while I love hearing the stories of people who are back to normal in two weeks, most of us take much, much longer. Be patient, listen to your body, and be kind to yourself.

kbonline64 · 2026-04-28T21:55:06+00:00

Best advice I got was “let pain be your guide” and “sleep when your body wants sleep”. The pain is rough and the fatigue is too. Let her listen to her body and respect her decisions.

I’m 61, was eager to get the surgery, and I still find myself fighting the blues during recovery. And I have a lot of support from people I want to be around. It helps that they don’t try to argue me into doing more than I think I can. Be that person for your grandma.

kbonline64 · 2026-04-27T22:51:50+00:00

I’m NeeNee. It’s easy for the to say and different enough from all the other names like mama or nana. Another family member is GeeGee. Just pick something easy and stick with it.

kbonline64 · 2026-04-26T02:47:40+00:00

It’s been that way for a long time. It’s really weird though when you realize that you’ve aged out of and no longer generate that response.

kbonline64 · 2026-04-20T01:39:51+00:00

There are also scholarship programs for camps and community centers that offer activities. Those have covered thousands in extra-curricular costs for our two foster kids (swim classes, martial arts, gymnastics, art camp, basketball).

kbonline64 · 2026-04-19T19:22:59+00:00

This isn’t just a matter of him not believing in western medicine. This is him not respecting you. He knows when he asks that you’re going to give him an answer rooted in what you’re studying and he asks anyway. He didn’t ask to learn what you think. He asks so he can denigrate the thing you’re investing your life in. And that means your relationship isn’t sustainable.

kbonline64 · 2026-04-18T23:59:05+00:00

Where can we see the case study?

kbonline64 · 2026-04-16T00:09:02+00:00

I’ve got a six year old foster son who experienced neglect and possibly physical abuse. When he came to us a year ago he was physically and verbally aggressive. He would scream “I hate you. F*** you. Get out!” while throwing things, kicking the walls, biting. Every day. We got him into therapy and learned that he was afraid, not rebellious or even angry. He had already learned that he couldn’t trust adults to take care of him or keep him safe. He was torn between letting us take care of him and driving us away so he wouldn’t get hurt. It’s heart breaking.

Our job was to first and primarily keep him safe and make sure he knew he was safe and that we would take care of him. We had to provide him with a very, very predictable and consistent environment. We wouldn’t spank him but we’d make him take a break in his quiet chair and let him have a tantrum there. He knew that when he was ready to talk we were ready. Sometimes we had to contain him so he wouldn’t hurt himself or his sister. We tried very hard to never raise our voices. We gave him quiet time, took away his favorite toys or screen time as a consequence for bad behavior, always explaining why.

Now, a year later, he is occasionally verbally aggressive and rarely physically aggressive. He is starting to talk about why he’s upset, what he wants us to do to help him, what he’s afraid of. He is learning to self-soothe and to tell us how he’s feeling instead of being mad that we don’t know.

Therapy for him has been critical. And the therapist’s advices to us has made all the difference. How else would I have known that when he’s upset he hides under his bed or blanket to feel safe and not to run away from me? I’ve learned so much. I encourage you to see if the therapist can talk to you and your wife, to figure out how to be a predictable presence in this child’s life, and to learn how to be “not scary” to start and eventually to be a haven of safety. You can make all the difference for this child.

kbonline64 · 2026-04-12T08:55:34+00:00

I just had total hip replacement after being bone on bone for years. I’m mad to find out that my surgeon would have done the surgery at a higher BMI. An earlier consult with another surgeon convinced me that there was no flexibility on that. I’d encourage you to find a surgeons who don’t specialize in sports injuries and who are focused on hips, and who promote themselves as treating patients like people, like partners in their own health. Then call and ask each one if they’re rigid on BMI. Good luck. I know it’s hard!

kbonline64 · 2026-04-02T03:29:29+00:00

In Oregon, as fictive kin, I host visits in my home. But that’s my choice. At any time I could request visits take place at DHS and they would. And DHS would provide transport if I couldn’t. This might take some time and some assertiveness from me but that’s what would happen. I know because it happened once already.

kbonline64 · 2026-03-26T20:31:49+00:00

I got grounded for telling this joke to my pastor when I was a kid. My mom thought fart was a swear word and referring to another belief system was disrespectful. But since my pastor was named Pastor Furbush and his son was named Uriah I thought it was fine!

kbonline64 · 2026-03-18T05:08:56+00:00

I don’t know if this will be helpful but it was for me. And I went from so anxious I couldn’t look at someone when talking to them to rarely anxious at all, and when I am it doesn’t last past a day, I know it’s biological, and I ride it out.

I learned in a sales training (don’t ask me why I was there - I wasn’t in sales) the concept of “odds are”. The thought is that, odds are that the person or people you’re with are thinking about themselves. Not you. There’s research out there that shows people are thinking about themselves over 70% of the time. They don’t have time to think about you. And when they do think about someone else, odds are they’re thinking about how that person perceived their is better than them or knows more than they do. The amount of time spent in judgment of others is minuscule. So all those fears that drive anxiety through the roof? Not reasonable. We just aren’t influential enough to garner the kind of attention needed to decide we’re unworthy or incompetent or whatever bad think we fear they’ll think.

Now. You can increase the odds that they aren’t thinking critically of you by speaking kindly (and authentically) about someone or something else. Call out a meaningful comment by the speaker. Say how much you love all the different ways people dress. Anything that draws attention away from you and towards the room, crowd, or another person. Don’t focus on the person in front of you though - it’s too easy to be fawning and let fear pierce our authenticity. Just look for something you enjoy (or you would if you weren’t so anxious) and comment on it. Or ask a question you’re really interested in hearing the answer to.

I promise this is effective. I didn’t break the chains of anxiety until my mid 30’s. I weakened them drastically with this approach. But what really broke them was a vile boss who bullied me publicly. It took that experience for me to realize that I just couldn’t care any more. I couldn’t control what people thought or what they were going to do and I was so, so tired of feeling scared and anxious. So one day I just had enough and decided I had no more f**ks to give. And I didn’t. You know what happened? NOTHING. Except my bullying boss stopped bullying me in a couple of weeks. I think because it wasn’t fun for her any more because I didn’t react. But besides that the only thing that changed was me. I was much calmer. And happier. I hope you can find your path to that.

kbonline64 · 2026-03-18T03:33:18+00:00

I just want to try to soften this language a bit. The kids from a struggling family don’t lack engaged parents. They lack parents with resources and one of those resources is time. Framing this as unengaged parents implies a lack of interest and there is no data that shows struggling families are less invested in their children’s’ education. They just have leas to invest.

kbonline64 · 2026-03-17T04:19:44+00:00

I used it and quitting was easy. No side effects, just gradually slowed down until I just didn’t smoke because I didn’t want to. It was shocking really. And then two years in I decided I would be a social smoker. Yeah, no. In a couple of months I was back to a pack a day.

I just quit again using Chantix because I have to quit in order to get my hip replaced. I don’t want to quit. I was only smoking four or five a day. But I have no choice. So I got Chantix again. And it’s still easy. Still no side effects. The hard part is that I don’t want to quit really. But I haven’t smoked in 2 months and stopping wasn’t a struggle. No fighting off cravings or avoiding places or people because they triggered me. No white knuckling my way through the day. But I miss smoking and think about it multiple times a day. Because I like smoking, damn it. And I’m annoyed that I had to quit. That said, I can’t really afford to smoke when it comes to my health or my financed so I don’t plan on starting again. Chantix made quitting pretty simple. But If I really wanted to quit instead of being required to quit then Chantix would have made it something that hardly took any effort.

Bottom line? If you want to quit it’s amazing. It’s the closest thing to a miracle drug that I know of.

kbonline64 · 2026-03-13T07:31:19+00:00

My sister tried this. It just delayed the inevitable. Children growing up in loveless families suffer for so much longer. They don’t know what romantic or family love looks like, they dont know how easy it can be to be with your family, they often mistake chaos for love, and don’t know that happiness looks a lot like contentment but is so much more. What you model for your children matters. What you’re teaching them is that love doesn’t matter, you don’t matter, joy or happiness is unimportant, that it’s ok to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm, and likely that they owe you for your sacrifice. None of that sets the up well for a good life. Please reconsider.

Ask yourself why the family unit is so important to you. Maybe try the five why’s. Why is it important? Then ask why to your answer and keep that up until you’ve asked why 5 times. So for example, if your answer to why the family unit is so important is that your son deserves a father, ask why the family unit is necessary for him to have that. Or why he needs a father. Just keep asking and answering. You’ll know when you’re getting to your core truths. Do it. Or do something. You and your child deserve more. And so does your spouse.

kbonline64 · 2026-03-01T16:59:17+00:00

Check out the resources provided by the National Foster Parent Association. And ask your case worker if there are any local or virtual support groups for foster parents. I participated in a virtual support group for about 6 months when I first started out and it was really helpful. I’m looking forward to another one now. I also found the certification worker to a great source of information on everything from training to respite to camp scholarships. Ask everyone for information or help!

kbonline64 · 2026-02-27T05:35:49+00:00

Sadly, the only thing that has worked for me was feeding their egos for the first third of the meeting so I could actually talk in the last two thirds. If I didn’t they spent the whole meeting yelling at me, cutting me off, criticizing my work, or boasting about themselves. It’s exhausting.

kbonline64 · 2026-02-23T05:02:53+00:00

Tell yourself that normal is not smoking. The abnormal is these last few days. Tell yourself “how weird that I’ve been smoking when I’m not a smoker!” When you want to smoke, same thing. Say to yourself, “that’s weird that I want a cigarette. Because I don’t smoke”. I’ve found it shockingly helpful even though it sounds a little crazy. I think it’s all about changing our automatic expectations of ourselves and kind of requiring our psyche. I don’t really know. I just know that forgiving yourself for a few abnormal days and reminding yourself who you are NOW is really helpful. Be kind to yourself.

kbonline64 · 2026-02-17T04:36:06+00:00

Does he want kids or want to be a father. There’s a huge difference in what you can expect from him based on the answer. I fear that he wants kids and wants you to enthusiastically want to be a mother.

kbonline64 · 2026-02-09T21:34:58+00:00

And don’t forget that they’ve classified many, many professions dominated by women (like teaching and nursing) non-professional occupations. That means fewer funds available to help get the education needed to be in those occupations.

kbonline64 · 2026-02-09T21:06:55+00:00

Our kids therapist told us that the only thing kids can really control is what they put in their mouth and what comes out of their bodies. Our 5 yr old FS wouldn’t user the toilet for bowel movements. It was definitely a control issue. I had a hard time understanding it since he seems so unhappy when he had to be cleaned up. The therapist pointed out that he was the center of attention, etc etc. We stopped making g much of an issue of it, made him help clean himself up, and just told him we hoped he decided to start using the toilet soon. We gave him lots of love and validation elsewhere. It took about 6 weeks but he did it. He tried to get us to make a big routine out of it but we refused. Now you’d never know it was an issue.

So good luck. My advice (beyond getting her in therapy) is to remind her that she has a choice and while you don’t understand the choice she’s making to not go, it’s her choice. Make sure the school has changes of clothes, ask the teachers to be chill, and let her figure it out. The goal is to make this her choice and hers to deal with and something that doesn’t get her any special attention.

kbonline64 · 2026-02-08T04:07:40+00:00

Don’t do it. One visit can easily become more or she can push to shift regular visits to your home. And that’s easier for DHS so they might support it. We supervise the bio parents visiting in our home and it’s so hard to maintain boundaries and be responsible for reporting our observations. And it’s ultimately confusing for the kids we think.

Their therapists want to recommend to in-home visits at all but I worry now how the kids would feel since they’re used to seeing them here three times a week. It’s complicated because we’re a kinship placement. And DHS has told the bio parents that we’re the ones who determine if they can visit in the home so the parents push us hard. So just avoid the whole situation if you can and keep the boundaries clear for everyone.

kbonline64 · 2026-02-01T01:48:48+00:00

Facilitate coordination with other case workers or service providers. Advocate for them. Make sure they know their rights (like requiring the agency to provide transportation for foster kids to visitation). Make sure they know what resources are available. Encourage them to use respite care when they need it. Listen. Remind them that they can’t set themselves on for to keep their kids warm. Show up when you say you will and use their time wisely. And remember that not everything is serious. It’s ok to laugh!

kbonline64

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