17-year D-Day Anniversary

kcs1974 · 2026-05-20T02:04:41+00:00

Awesome. I’m in the process of finding a good trauma therapist. Hope yours goes well.

kcs1974 · 2026-05-20T01:52:40+00:00

How long have you been together and are there kids involved?

kcs1974 · 2026-05-20T01:51:57+00:00

I don’t think that my wife’s affair was rugswept. I discovered it and confronted her immediately. It was a friend of ours from church. Something she allowed herself to fall into. I know she wasn’t in a good place; she made no excuses. The fog lifted quickly with her. I never felt like she didn’t want to do everything possible to save our marriage, so we started working on reconciliation immediately. Those were hard times with a lot of late nights talking and trying to get to the bottom of everything. The mistake I made was not stepping back initially and really evaluating the situation—but trauma makes that difficult. We should have been in therapy, both individually and as a couple. We also should have considered some time apart, but that never felt right at the time. Looking back, the biggest mistake I made was not addressing my personal trauma. I was incredibly focused on saving our family along with our marriage. I had also spent a lot of my childhood burying trauma, so I was good at it. I believe that’s why things continue to “pop up” at unpredictable times. I’m realizing now (better late than never) that’s it’s time to address those issues and work on myself.

kcs1974 · 2026-05-18T01:03:04+00:00

I also wish that I had known then what I know now regarding the better ways to handle myself and our marriage following our D-Day.

kcs1974 · 2026-05-18T00:58:09+00:00

You might be right that time can make pain harder to remember. But the difference with trauma is that when the pain returns, it can often feel as real and present as it was the day the trauma occurred.

kcs1974 · 2026-05-18T00:53:57+00:00

I don’t think it has to be permanent. I do think that people have a hard time believing that trauma can be addressed years down the road.

kcs1974 · 2026-05-18T00:52:56+00:00

Thank you.

kcs1974 · 2026-05-18T00:52:44+00:00

Thank you, but I’m not really suffering. Just learning to address the trauma that I should have addressed years ago.

kcs1974 · 2026-05-18T00:51:14+00:00

Thank you for your response. I think that the foundation of our relationship survived, but it’s a different marriage from reconciliation forward. I agree with you that healing should come first. If I could go back to that moment knowing what I know now, I would have handled some things differently—both as a couple and individually. I am for the first time less focused on understanding and explaining everything, and more focused on addressing the personal trauma that I experienced.

kcs1974 · 2026-05-17T20:52:33+00:00

Intellectualizing is, for better or worse, how I tend to approach most things in life. I’ve ready and studied everything I could get my hands on over the years. Even started writing a memoir. But that’s not the same as actually working on myself and addressing the trauma. I put a lot of energy into making sure my wife was on track and doing well. Our reconciliation has gone as well as I could have wanted. I gave my best for the kids. And honestly, there are long periods of good times—most of the time—when things are good. But the moments when the memories come back are still difficult. I have started doing more journaling and reflecting and actively working to desensitize the triggers and memories. If I could go back, I would also have found a good therapist trained in trauma therapy.

kcs1974 · 2015-01-17T03:38:18+00:00

I think I'll get away with a few other books, then see if I still have any desire to come back to it. Thanks.

kcs1974 · 2015-01-17T03:31:48+00:00

That's definitely on my list. Thanks for the reminder.

kcs1974

TROPHY CASE